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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Anyone else have husbands who want to interfere (sorry, who want to help)?

19 replies

maggi · 11/04/2007 23:54

Well today I was interviewing someone and dh on a day off decides to control our children by growling (literally) every time they move and ordering them around. Dh then tried some small talk which included how he'd beat up someone if they did something or other - I can't remember what as I was hastily trying to divert attention away from this and he threw in some almost but not quite swearing. I could see the parent getting put off by this and they cut the interview as short as they could and left with a promise of a phone call. When I tried to speak to dh about this he bacame all huffy and said the parent was an ex-con, a 'crim' and he'd been in jail. Since dh has no connection to the criminal system and the parent had a very upper class accent and beautifully mannered child, I can only imagine that dh took offence at the parents dreadlocks.???
When I tried to talk again to him later, dh said he hadn't forgiven me enough to talk about it!
Uh!!!!! Well...huh?

What on earth can I do about this?

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 11/04/2007 23:57

physical violence is proportionate response in all the circs imo

custy · 12/04/2007 00:10

sounds like he doesn't know how to be a parent.

not sure if this is his fault becuase i haven't got enough information.

maybe he needs some more information. usually having children around peers gives you a good clue as to how to behave as an adult - such as mother & toddler,

Original poster
maggi · 12/04/2007 00:18

Yes Custy, I do sometimes feel he's got the wrong end of the stick when it comes to parenting. He was brought up in Africa with very Victorian values of being seen and not heard and punished with a belt and all the rest of it. He sometimes forgets that children are not dogs to be ordered around.
On the up side of it our children are very well mannered and complimented by strangers and dh has had a big part in that. I hasten to clarify that belts etc are not used on our children but he does love to lecture them.

OP posts:
ThePrisoner · 12/04/2007 00:21

I wouldn't allow him to ever be present in similar circumstances. The way he behaved may make the parents think that this is how you probably both discipline/talk to children. Does he usually growl at your children? Does he usually make inappropriate comments to people he doesn't know?

Perhaps you could contact the parent and apologise for your dh's behaviour? Say that he behaves completely out-of-character when he's nervous?? (To be honest, if I was the parent, I'd be running a mile in the opposite direction).

We usually only have to worry about the behaviour of other children in the house, not other adults. Why does your dh think how he behaved was OK? He needs to know that he cannot do it again! (But don't know how you can tell him that if he doesn't think how he behaved was wrong).

colditz · 12/04/2007 00:24

Okaaayyyy

Well, you are never going to have any clients if he carries on, because I'd have got out of there with my precious babies as quick as possible. NOT A CHANCE would I leave my children around a man who treats children like dogs.

Original poster
maggi · 12/04/2007 00:36

Prisoner- As a parent I don't think I would come back either, so I'm not going to humiliate myself by trying to make excuses for dh. I really dont think that parent would ever choose me now.
As to not letting him attend interviews, it's quite tough getting him to understand I'm actually working when I'm childminding. He kind of sees it as a social occasion and wants to join in. I've given loads of hints before now but obviously from now on I'll just have to say GO AWAY far more directly.

OP posts:
Original poster
maggi · 12/04/2007 00:41

colditz, Its a problem. I do have mindees, but now I come to think of it, all the parents that collect are female. I'm wondering if it's a terratory/jealousy thing as this is the first man I've interviewed. Maybe dh was deliberately sabotaging it. Maybe that is why he hasn't forgiven me, because I brought a man into the house? Oh boy I think I just prefered the idea of poor parenting skills.

OP posts:
ThePrisoner · 12/04/2007 01:18

My dh has been around if potential clients are here, but he makes himself useful and makes cups of tea for us. He does not stay in the room, but I will always introduce him. If I have minded children here, he often senses if they're playing up (usually the shrieking and screaming!) and might pop in and read to them. I sometimes worry that parents might not appreciate "a man" being around but, in a way, it is important really that they get to judge us as a family unit (in a positive way!)

Thankfully, my dh does see what I do as "proper working" - although he thinks I am completely mad to do it. It doesn't mean that he likes the way the job takes over the house, but he puts up with it.

On a much more positive note, my dh is available on short-term lets only, at preferential rates.

mum2akebk · 12/04/2007 08:04

Hi,

Sorry no words of wisdom really but just to say my husband retreats upstairs at the first sign of a mindee!!! I'm not entirely sure he sees this as a proper 'job' although now I am studying and have a lot more paperwork I think he is comprehending that it is! Agree with The Prisoner he also thinks I am mad to be doing it!

Hope you manage to sort out the situation-maybe arrange interviews when he's not going to be around.

Katymac · 12/04/2007 08:07

Well - my Dh is a registered childminder - but occasionally I still do the 'cringe' when he does or says something not totally politically correct

He tends to play with the other children when I'm interviewing - but is always quite nervous around 'new' parents as he worries about his behaviour (which is often different because he is nervous - iyswim)

I agree with ThePrisoner about seeing us as a family unit - & I find DD is the one that "shows me up" & I often think I wouldn't leave a child with me after DD's strop - but I guess the parents understand that she is performing to the audience

dmo · 12/04/2007 09:50

well at the mo i'm not talking to dh

came home from beach yesterday with 10 children and had to park the bus across the road

brought 2 yr old mindee in and sat him on the sofa and asked dh to keep an eye on him while i crossed other mindees over/ got bags

went outside and crossed 2 over with bags and saw 2yr old mindee near road ran over picked mindee up and took him in the house and said to dh "god could you not watch him for 2 seconds" to which he replied "i'm not a childminder"

so not talking to him i still feel cross

mumto3girls · 12/04/2007 09:53

dmo..is your dh always an arse?

crace · 12/04/2007 10:23

Yikes dmo - I don't blame you for being angry - way uncalled for.

LoveMyGirls · 12/04/2007 12:00

My dp tries to "help" in ways to do with advertising and policies and creating my website - if i dont want his help i just ignore it and do what i want.

When parents come for interviews he either takes the children out or goes upstairs and will come down if i ask him usually near the end when we are doing paperwork so he can entertain them which works really well because he's so polite and great with kids. He doesnt say much to the parents just hello and then fades into the backgroud.

dmo · 12/04/2007 21:15

maybe it was just me
i mean the sun, kids, busy busy
he is right but it was only for a second not an hour

Original poster
maggi · 12/04/2007 23:21

Have been in hiding all day. Had a blazing row with dh very early this morning over the incident and he disappeared for the morning. Returned at lunch much calmer and he said so you want me to stay away when you are interviewing? Well yes, I replied.
Having sorted that out, it only took seconds to make up.

Feel much better now.

OP posts:
dmo · 13/04/2007 09:21

good gald your friends again
so how did you make up??????????????

friends with dh again now

dmo · 13/04/2007 09:22

oh i see now how you made up
seconds gave it away

crace · 13/04/2007 09:28

dmo, ha!

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