Can you help me reframe my approach to my nanny or find another childcare option?

[Millybingbong]

Thanks!!

We have 3 children, 1 in reception, 1 in preschool (moving to reception in september) and a baby at home full time. I work 3 days per week, dh 9 days a fortnight. We both have quite flexible jobs and dh has a lot of annual leave.

We have always had a nanny and then sent the dc1 and 2 to preschool aged 3 or so. However recently the nanny is working less well for us, we are wondering whether we need to start thinking of a new approach or whether we need to get over the annoyances and push on.

So - the good things:

• nanny loves the children, and she loves them
• she is flexible with days and hours and very reliable

Less good:

• she used to cook an evening meal - these days she will only cook if she can prepare it while baby is napping. so every time it is pasta bake, or baked potatoes etc. she used to come up with what to cook but now it needs requesting and she doesnt follow instructions - ie i say cheese sauce, she puts tomato sauce etc - buggers up my meal plans. and she doesnt add stuff to the list, so i have to sleuth what has been used.
• she used to clean, but doesnt really like doing washing, never dusts etc. she occasionally cleans bathrooms, and often does a lot of washing up when we have repeatedly asked her to use dishwasher. she used to put away laundry but now either does it really badly or leaves it for us.
• she wont go to aldi because her husband got a fine from them once, so the only shop option is far away. she will put away a home delivery though.
• she cant manage the swimming lessons for the older 2 (watch lesson and mind baby and supervise changing) - so I leave work early every week to do it.
• she cant manage the morning nursery run and school run as timescales are tight - DH and I do it.
• she wont have other children over to play with eldest afterschool as it is "risky" - although will visit other people's houses who i dont know with the baby in the day.

Care problems

• she left baby napping in the car with the engine running today and came into the house. i was here and asked her to go get him.
• in the hot weeks a fortnight ago I came home from work and it appeared baby hadnt had a drink all day. no beaker out or in the dishwasher - all 3 in cupboard.

sorry this is getting long, i need to get it off my chest. perhaps i should stop now and ask for opinions, if consensus is a new option i'll ask for help in what it should be...

Thanks

I think she feels overloaded and is unhappy. You need to talk.
I am not saying you're in the wrong. Not at all. But she sounds overloaded.

Also, playdates should be on your watch, not hers. It's not her job to look after more than 3 kids (your kids!). That's taking the piss out of her. Be mindful of this.

Where there issues when DC2 arrived. From what you have put I think they started with you when you were pregnant with DC2, so they have done babycare before.

You need to formally tackle the performance issues. You will eventually dismiss her for failing to do the assigned work to the required standard, so you must follow formal disciplinary procedures.

I can't see why the school run is a problem. That is normal part of the nanny role - timings are often tight and there may be occasions when a child arrives late due to heavy traffic on the route, but not due to inability to get all the children out of the house. Are they starting work an hour or so before needing to leave on the school run?

All food for thought that you very much.

She does coOK from the bt increasingly not a wierd way - like I asked for pasta pesto the her day and when I got home befell tea time it had been cooked at some point in the afternoon to be reheated at 5. So she doesnt them get hungry but I don't think that should really an acceptable way to cook on a normal day.

She doesn't do any school runs normallys partly because she said often late. She is today though so we will see.

I'm due a new job soon so think we will make some changes then - the baby will be 2 so coUld do some at our local preschool. An if I'll try to change the dynamic over the holiday too.

We have a nanny & have had a couple of phases like this. I do think you are expecting too much of her though. Take it right back to basics; i would ask her to just care for the children & feed them, anything else she manages is a bonus. Our nanny will hang out washing & wash up after herself. I don't ask her to do anything else. I think it is reasonable for your nanny to do drop offs & collections while she is working, but she may need some help to come up with solutions; a backpack carrier for the baby or a double buggy-could be something that simple.

I'm quite surprised if she is a trained nanny she can't handle the work load of three children, two not being around during the day. But and that's a big but she's a nanny not a cleaner. I think you need to sit down and talk through the points. If things don't improve then yes it would be time to move on and find someone else, maybe someone who's used to working with large families. And to remember that if you want cleaning done, don't expect most professional nannies to take on that role.

So you don't think that it's ok to cook something earlier in the day and then reheat it at 5? I think that's just good time management. I'd never get a dinner on the table if I was trying to cook from scratch later in the day. It's always meltdown central here at 5pm.

I think the drop offs and the extra curricular are two major things. Bringing children to activities is one of the major benefits of having a nanny I would have thought.

I totally agree with the others on the cleaning. I interviewed a good few nannies in my childcare search. None of them did anything more than cleaning up after the day. I don't do major cleaning jobs during the day with my kids either - I use nap time to clean the mess and cook. I haven't heard of anyone doing the shopping either. I wouldn't expect that.