IS IT ME!

[lovemylife]

Hi there

Been looking at MN for months but this is first post, so its a shame i having a bit of a moan.

One of my mindees dads announced him and wfe were off for two weeks at easter and really looking forward to some time out...............BUT, i am still having the kids.

Why do people have children

I've been married almost 25 yrs, and we have 3 fantastic children. When they were little, I treasured any evening when DH and I were able to spend time alone together, and I was lucky that my mum realised this and was always ready to step in for the odd nights baby sitting.

However, it was few and far between due to finances, so it was looked on as a treat. I was always appreciative, and my Mum also loved having the children to spoil for a few hours, without me being there! My mum has a brilliant relationship with all my children.

The odd night away, or a short break is NOT the same as parents who seem to dislike caring for their own children. IMO.

Parents who day after day begrudge caring for their children, like my bus driver mum really should look at their way of life. I appreciate parents need to work, and I feel privilidged to car for children as my job. But as I said, we see things from a different perspective. Some children seem to be a burden for their parents, and fortunately, GOOD CHILDMINDERS are there to offer the support to the whole family.

Sally

our children are not a burden to us.

4 weeks a year our annual leave is dictated by our cm - there's no money left to pay another cm, even if we needed to.

i am lucky to have another 3 weeks annual leave - 1 week of this is used at xmas, so cm gets a paid week off in addition to her 4wks and the other 2 are used as floating days, maybe one full week - i wouldn't dream of leaving the country or the county whilst the dds remained at the cm with grandparents doing overnight care.

but i will take it and the dds will still go to the cm - either because i want some me time or the house needs decorating; the garden lawn needs cutting.

even in the most organised house, theres still jobs that can done quicker when the dds aren't around.

Personally I wouldn't choose to spend that much time away from my dcs, but I also find this 'why do some people bother having kids?' attitude deeply unpleasant. None of us really know what's going on in other people's relationships.Maybe these two parents have stressful jobs and need to spend time together which will ultimately benefit their child? Maybe they're having a marital crisis and this time is vital? Colditz makes a good point - why choose to be a childminder if you're going to criticise the people employing you? Take a professional approach to the job. You are being paid to look after someone else's precious children, not to make judgements on their lifestyle.

wow, seems you cant write anything on here as a cm anymore without being stoned!

Lovemylife, yes i also agree i couldnt/wouldnt want two weeks off work and not see my children, but unfortunatly some people do...see looneytunes threadd....
and 'justaphase' to say that about someone who although doesnt have children, may be desperatly trying is tactless and hurtful.

why have children if every minute not working, you want to spend it without them?
i dont disagrree parents deserve time off, with friends family ready willing and able, but FGS, Op was seeing it from her POV and doesnt need to be made out as a bad childminder.
shes come onto the cm board to speak to other cm's, i have done it lots, to moan, ask advice etc, but lately it seems anyone who is not mary poppins gets slated

No one employs us, we are all self-employed as childminders

Wow, Would you like some ketchup for those chips on your shoulders ladies?

I think it's a bit off to be making judgemental remarks about parents taking holidays without their children. Of course you're not technically employees, you're self-employed - but you are being paid by these families to look after the children, not to pass judgement on their lifestyles. You don't really know their circumstances or why they feel they need to go away without the children. It's not unheard of in any case. I wouldn't do it, but then we haven't had a holiday since 2000, so if we did I would want to take the children.

I also feel sad when I read criticism of the mother who worked a 10 hour day then wanted her baby to go to sleep when she got home

we don't know what circumstances forced her into this or how she felt about it

I feel sad for every parent who cannot spend as much time as they want with their children because they have to work, but I also know I would NOT be up for an evening playing with a tired baby if I had just done a 10 hour driving shift

Don't think it's a case of anyone who isn't perfect getting slated. I just think it's totally out of order for a childminder (who, yeah technically is self employed but is PAID by the parents) to start making judgements about what the parents are doing while they're looking after their child. I had a similar experience years ago with a minder I used for a while. It somehow worked out that there were 3 days that we were paying full fees to the childminder but didn't actually need her. We kept dd home for two of the days, but booked her in for the third while dh and I had a wonderful day out- lunch, theatre etc. It was exactly what we needed, as busy working parents, to re-charge our batteries, have time to remember why we got together and had our wonderful dd etc. I subsequently heard from a friend that our childminder had criticised us, saying 'I don't know why they sent XXX to me for the day when they didn't need to. Clearly she thought it was ok to look after our dd so long as we were both out grafting, but to think we might enjoy a well earned day off together....heaven forbid! Unbelievable!

I think you're being unreasonable and judgemental

I would imagine that you have a contract in place determining how many weeks holiday can be taken on both sides with no penalty and they don't want to go over it

and maybe the parents want to do stuff to the house or spend time together

its not like they're leaving them for 2 weeks .. they'll most probably drop them later / pick them up earlier .. and the children's routine will be stable ..

I send my child to daycare even if I am on holiday (well sometimes)
(a) because I am paying for it
(b) so I can have some quality time with dd1
(c) so I can get housework, shopping, a haircut, go to the doctors without a board toddler around

and I would definatly send her if I had one at home ill so I can look after the ill one or do work from home.

Not sure I could manage 2 weeks away. Did manage a week away for honeymoon though.

Doesn't mean I love them any less and would hate to think I was being jugded as a parent for this.

When I first read the OP I thought the parents were going away for 2 weeks, not being at home.

I must say (I'm a childminder myself) I don't see what's wrong with parents having time off but still sending the children. The children won't necessarily know their parents are off would they? They may need the break as got issues, stressed and need to unwind etc or they could be catching up with stuff that we all struggle to do with our busy lives etc. I know I have a MASSIVE TO DO list and at weekends and on days I have no mindees, have no choice but to catch up with stuff and I feel really for ds but that's life isn't it??? These parents could be sending them so they can catch up with stuff with their children still having fun somewhere and then they get more quality time when they come home as parents not busy doing other stuff. It could be anything but I don't see the problem HOWEVER........I don't know the family and it's very possible there are other things we don't know about. I could have worded a thread like you did this one, been jumped on etc but if they then read my other thread (about au pair and them taking the pi**), they would probably think different.

Anyway, we don't know the family so can't know the whole story but I just wanted to say parents shouldn't be made to feel bad because they need time to do other stuff on occasions.

I don't have a problem with other parents commenting on discussions that childminders may be having here at all, but I think that we (the childminders) need to remember that we are not sitting around with a small group of mates. The entire world can read what we put here.

It's unfortunate that if childminders have a bit of a moan and whinge about our jobs, which everyone is allowed to do, surely, the moaning we do might grate badly with the very people that are using us! We have to be prepared to accept that. If I read a thread with a parent complaining about a childminder, my hackles rise in the same way that parents react to our complaints.

lovemylife's comment "Why do people have children" is the sort of throwaway comment we have probably all made at some time or other. Don't all of us, every day, have thoughts about other people's parenting skills, their dress sense, the way they spend their money, the way they talk to their dps? We all do it!

My job is to care for the children and, as long as I get paid, what parents do with their time is completely up to them. For what it's worth, I think parents are entitled to do what they want with their money and their children (within reason, obviously). But then the rest of us might pass judgement! Isn't that what mumsnetters do best?

Errrr Hello???

The original thread was placed as it was two weeks the parents were having, not 2 days, not four, not a hairdressers appointment, not a day out, two weeks......it was the original opinion that this was a bit steep for me/us time annual leave without spending at least a day with their child who might also benefit from a valuable day together too where its not the dregs of the day & usual grumpy/tired time for everyone in the family.

Rightly or wrongly everyone is entitled to an opinion and not everyone has to agree - its a free country isnt it?

For the people that are not childminders who have posted on this thread, have you not ever commented upon a customer or a colleague at all??? As thats only what these ladies are doing??

FGS!!!!! CHILL OUT!!!!!

I must admit it would be nice for them to take SOME time for the kids, yes

I also forgot to say that what justaphase said was not nice IMO. I don't know your story (madge) but I do know you're hoping to adopt and having a comment made like that to you was horrible!!

madge, I agree with what you said about us commenting on parents, and it being similar to others chatting about colleagues. This is the only place where I feel I can have a bit of a moan and chat to other CM's. Some of the things we have mentioned on the CM' threads are things I couldn't bring up to CM's i know in RL. Does that make sense?

it does Saltire and as most of us dont have a network of cm's we can discuss things with, usually the first palce i turn is here.

loonytune, that comment was addressed directly to the OP not to madge

despite this I appologised to madge

she accepted it

get over it

Whoa! Its ok, dont worry about it, it was all sorted. Good job I have got broad shoulders, (must be all the chips on them already!!)

Ok, glad it was sorted and sorry to wind anyone up BUT I can't see anything from the OP that says she doesn't have children, that's why I thought you were having a go at madge.

Anyway, all friends again hopefully

i do have children. fantastic well adjusted children and i work full time! BUT when I am off, they are too. I stand by what i said. Seems there are alot of guilty parents out there.

so what was that comment about then?

I know, that's why I thought she was digging at poor madge.

me too thats why i spoke up.

Me too, I normally keep quite quiet about most things but thought it was a cheap shot and uncalled for.

strange