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Should we allow our babysitters husband to come with her when she is at our house?

19 replies

chocolatequeen · 16/03/2007 14:56

DS1´s teacher is our babysitter at the weekends, she is just lovely, totally devoted and trustworthy, excellent with both kids. She got married last year, but both her and her husband work at the weekend to make a bit of extra money. We´ve never met him before, and neither have our kids.

DH and I would like to ask her if she would babysit overnight for us, so we could go to weddings, parties etc over the summer without having to rush back. Should we let her husband come with her, or because it is a work commitment, she should be professional and come alone? DH feels that it is better if she comes alone and devotes all her time to the kids, I think that 2 is better than 1.

Anyone had any experience of this?

OP posts:
fairyjay · 16/03/2007 15:01

Do you know her dh? You need to meet him and make sure you're comfortable with him before you ask anything.

But apart from that, I think it would be unreasonable not to at least offer for him to stay as well.

Our nanny and her dh often stay when we're away, and I feel better knowing there are two of them around.

zippitippitoes · 16/03/2007 15:02

i don't see why her dh can't come's babysitting not a speech in the house of commons

Blu · 16/03/2007 15:05

If you want a babysitter who is happy to continue working at weekends (the only time she will get with her dh) then I would definitely alow her DH to come. Why ever not?

If feckless teens always bring a boyf when babysitting, i am sure your adult teacher babysitter will do a good job without drnking the advocaat and giving each other love bites with the baby monitor turned off!

And as for 'devote all her time to the children'...suggest your DH works w/e so that you can devote all your time to the children instead of to him!

Eleusis · 16/03/2007 15:43

I agree, you should let her husband come, but perhaps request to meet him first.

blodwen · 16/03/2007 17:13

I've never heard of a teacher willing to babysit for one of her class before !
Has she asked for her DH to come with her? She may rather keep her private life private, possibly depending on the age of your ds? I agree it would be better to meet him first.

shimmy21 · 16/03/2007 17:18

agree - meet him first.

But they are married so it's hardly as if they'll be wanting to get up to anything and neglect your dcs

nannynick · 16/03/2007 18:54

Agree with the others, you and DS need to meet her husband. If he is working weekends, then he may not want to come, or if he does come he won't be there much due to the work - as you would only be paying one of them for babysitting I presume.

As she is a teacher, you will have seen a cleared CRB check. Her husband may not have one of those, due to occupation, so you do not have any way of establishing any criminal record. However, if you trust your babysitter (which I presume you do) then you can trust her to marry a decent bloke.

noonar · 16/03/2007 19:02

i wouldnt leave my dcs over night with anyone they didnt know. it just changes the dynamic, imo. if they meet him first, then fair enough.

i am a teacher too, and could not imagine babysitting for my pupils. even extra tuition at their house was a bit too close for comfort, for me! do the school approve, i wonder?

VioletBaudelaire · 16/03/2007 19:09

I think my DCs would be a little uncomfortable with their school teacher also being their babysitter.
I suppose it would be one way of ensuring they did their homework though!

bambi06 · 16/03/2007 19:22

when i worked in a nursery we were advised not to work ,ie do babysitting for parents as it crossed the proffesional boundaries and could become awkward but maybe its up to each school?

NannyL · 16/03/2007 23:34

I would let her decide if she wantd him to come, and if she did want him to come insist that you all meet him 1st!

ravenAK · 16/03/2007 23:57

We used to use an agency (sitters). On one occasion, the sitter was dropped off & collected by her dh. We invited him in both 'ends'. Both times he & his dw insisted that he was not allowed to cross the threshold - her contract specified that she was CRB checked, & if she needed a lift from someone else they didn't enter the house!

It seemed pretty much overkill to me. If you have a private arrangement with this lady then presumably you know her & trust her not to import some lunatic!

On the other hand, maybe your dc would be upset if they got up & some strange bloke was in the house? In which case maybe they should meet him first...

chocolatequeen · 19/03/2007 12:35

Thanks for all your replies. Just to explain, we live in Portugal and it is quite usual for teachers to babysit at weekends due to poor pay.

We´re going to ask her next time she comes and let her discuss it with her husband. DS announced this weekend that she has a baby in her tummy, although how much of this is 4 year old gossip remains to be seen. In which case, our days of the best babysitter in the world are numbered..... dammit!

love the avocaat and love bite comment blu - we had one babysitter when we lived in the UK who was trusted to feed our turtle while we were away for a weekend. Came home and found her half dressed in our lounge on a weekday lunchtime.... no sign of anyone else though, and the turtle seemed fine with it. Ahhh, the secret world of babysitters!

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 19/03/2007 12:40

"DH feels that it is better if she comes alone and devotes all her time to the kids"

I was given a reason something like this at one job, when I asked if my partner could come with me to work one afternoon (to meet their baby, who was at the time an important part of my life).

I found it extremely insulting - if you don't trust the person looking after your children to do a good job, and not spend the whole time canoodling or whatever, then why are they looking after your children in the first place? This was not the only reason I gave notice to this family, but it was part of the general attitude of mistrust and inflexibility on their part.

I also think it is a good experience for children to have male carers as well as female. Obviously you would want to meet him first to check you feel comfortable with him - why not ask them over for lunch one day?

StrawberrySnowflakes · 19/03/2007 12:53

has she even actually said she would want her dh there?

but tbh, although i would want to meet him, let children see him i think asking her not to bring him is silly, if she needs the money that she has to work weekends away from him, sitting in your home, whilst making sure your children are safe is no big deal.

chocolatequeen · 19/03/2007 14:06

I´d like to be able to know what we´re ready to offer her before we talk to her IYSWIM - work out how much we will pay her, if she will have the use of our car or hers, if we are happy for her to take them swimming, to the beach etc etc. That will also include saying (or not) "..and please feel free to bring your DH with you if you would like to.".

F&Z - I think the concept of taking your DH or DW to a professional assignment is alien to DH. It just wouldn´t be a consideration. He´s not anti it per se, he just doesn´t understand it.

OP posts:
StrawberrySnowflakes · 19/03/2007 14:08

so is she babysitting through day or night?

chocolatequeen · 19/03/2007 21:34

Well, would be from one evening, through the night and probably until lunch time the following day. We´re also thinking of asking her to travel with us during the summer holidays - we have a child free wedding in England coming up, and DS1 would be a nightmare with a stranger.

OP posts:
sunnyjim · 21/03/2007 16:27

I'd maybe agree to him comign but only if Ds had met him and liked him - otherwise DS would be likely to get pretty upset with a strange man in the house.

Have to admit I ahve some sympathy with OP Dh point of view. I wouldn't dream of taking my DH with me if I was working, whether daytime, evening or overnight. If I want to spend more time with DH instead of earning then I make that choice. If I'm being paid to babysit then its like any other job and DH certianly wouldn't turn up in my class (i'm a teacher too) just because I wanted to spend more time with him on a wednesday afternoon!

I assume you won't want her every weekend?

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