What do you do when you can't take a baby to a wedding?!

[LubiLooLoo]

Hello! I need some child care advice!

I have a wedding on the Easter weekend, and all my family are too busy to help look after my 11 month old.

The wedding is in London, and it's about a hour commute. I have to leave the house at 11am and I guess I won't be home until 11pm. That's a very long time for a babysitter! I have found an experience childminder who can look after him at her home for the day, but it's very expensive, and I'm worried about the pickup/drop off as I would like to have a few drinks.

What do you folks do?

Unless it was someone v close I wouldn't have gone in that situation as DS was appallingly clingy. I don't think you'll be able to drink at all.

Take the baby or not go, I'm afraid...

DS is a really chilled out baby, he's happy in most people's company. The wedding is my best friends marring each other, I have to go (plus already RSVPed).

Is it really all or nothing?

I'm not sure what you're expecting us to say!

Have they specifically not invited your son?

Hello - I'm a nanny who does extra babysitting through an agency (sadly not in London) but you could contact an agency near the wedding venue? Will you stay in a hotel? I've done many wedding babysit where I am in the hotel room while parents are at the wedding.

I would not attend the wedding - simple really.

You've found someone but you dont want to pay her, or take the baby or miss the wedding. Are you looking for a mumsnetter to step in?

If the wedding is at lunch then a meal I guess plus an evening do then there's no need to stay till 10pm especially if you are not drinking. You could leave at 7/8 you would spent most of the day with your friend.

I'm not sure what you're expecting people to suggest. You're very unlikely to find a childminder at this notice to take on 12 hours over a bank holiday weekend. He'll either have to go with you, or you can't go. Have you explained your predicament to your friends? It's not like they'd have to provide a meal for an 11 month old.

I don't know what you are asking!

You already know the options;

1. Go and leave baby with friends/family if available
2. Go and leave baby with paid childcare
3. Don't go

Personally I wouldn't go. Or i would leave baby with a childminder for a few hours so I could attend the ceremony and meal but then would come back and collect him.

It's just the length I have been worried about, it's a long time to leave my son in care of someone. I'm not sure what the protocol for feeding the sitter for the day is, or if I should feel comfortable with letting the sitter have my DS in her own house... should I ask to see her house first, or is that a little mental?

It's not just about cost but admittedly that is a factor as I've been on mat leave for 11 months.

I as hoping someone would know about a good drop in crèche or similar. You know like advice and re-assurance from other people who have done similar. You can't all miss out on important mile stones of your nearest and dearest because of the baby. I was hoping there would be a solution from the wise hive of Mumsnet.

I think I'm going to compromise and just go to the ceremony or meal.

I wasn't planning on staying in a hotel and I can commute quite easily into London.

Cheers

If you can commute easily then please consider contacting a nanny agency local to you. They will come to your house and you can stay the whole day then..it might be slightly costly but it would be a shame to miss your close friends wedding!

Thanks Yukbuck! I'll look into it. It just seems like a big ask of your normal babysitter.

Thanks for the advice and understanding x

Isn't easter less than 10 days away? Why haven't you made a plan yet? Surely you would have sorted something out after you RSVPd to say you were going.

Is your partner / babys dad going too? You can't just opt out of one part of the day at short notice because you haven't got your act together.

You don't have to stay till 11pm - the meal would be most likely finished by 6/7pm if it's a lunch time ceremony.

Yeah I know it's close, my mum was going to look after him but now can't.

I've been talking to the lady who said she can look after him for a few weeks, but I've been absorbed in my unwell FIL to really organise it properly.

DH is coming to the wedding too, the wedding says newborns only, because the venue is small and close to the road.

Basically Bubblelamp it's been a bit of a heart breaking few weeks for my husbands side of the family! The wedding is the light at the end of the tunnel...

If I had no family that could do this, then yes, I would have declined. If they are your best friends, they would have understood your situation and would have accepted it without making you feel awkward. No, you don't have to miss out on all milestones of your nearest and dearest because of the baby, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Thanks anyway. I've reached a compromise that means we are going to part but not all of the wedding, so I don't have to leave my child all day with a sitter but don't have to miss out.

Thank anyway x

Book a room in the hotel, you and your DH take turns in entertaining the baby/going to wedding?

And yes, now that you are a parent, sometimes you will have to miss things.

I was just looking for some hints and tips from parents who have done the baby/wedding thing.

Please don't judge me for feeling apprehensive about leaving my child with a sitter for the first time ever. I know about the sacrifices of having a baby, believe me.

Thanks all x

Honestly, if you have a regular babysitter just ask them? They can only say yes or no. Otherwise ask friends for names of babysitters they recommend and ask them.

Assuming they're available the babysitter can decide if they're up for a 12 hour babysit at the child's home.

If I was available for work for that length of time, I would be very happy to do it. Any nanny, maternity nurse or babysitter who wants to work & has the availability will happily look after your baby.

Have you explained to your friend that your mum can no longer help? If they are close friends surely they will allow you to bring baby?

Don't let others make you feel bad! Of course you can leave babe for a one off with a sitter/cm that long! The cost is just something you'd have to swallow though.

I wouldn't miss your BESTFRIENDS marrying. And I'd want to stay the whole lot too. You're a mom now not a nun. You said ds is a chilled baby too. Go. Enjoy. He'll be fine!

12hrs is an average day for a nanny so I wouldn't worry about that

Yes childcare is costly. ESP as bh weekend

I do lots of wedding work. Either brides baby 121 - or wedding crèches at venue or have guests children in hotel room or at their home

Sure your dc will be fine

Enjoy the day