CM Club - advice from those who've looked after young babies..............

[looneytune]

Hi everyone

As some of you will be aware, I now look after the sibling of my 19 month mindee. Baby is now 11 weeks.

I started looking after baby at approx. 6/7 weeks and feel very privilaged to be looking after such a gorgeous tiny baby BUT the feeding etc. is starting to take it's toll aswell as the baby crying most of the time if not held

I LOVE LOVE LOVE little babies but I have 3 children under 4 to look after during the day and obviously have to make sure no one suffers.

Baby is wanting to be fed anything between every 2 and half hours to 3 and half hours, usually every 3ish hours. The feed takes a long time and she also has trouble bringing her wind up which makes her quite upset for a while after the feed. Once she settles, I change her nappy and then put her down to get on with other things.

The problem I have is the times baby wants feeding and no matter what time her last feed was, she always seems to want a feed when I'm preparing lunch for the other 2. I was sorting baby as soon as she wants the feed and made the others wait as the poor baby is so small (was 4 weeks early so still very small) but I can't do this forever as the others kids are always wanting lunch straight after the nursery run and it's not fair to make them wait that long (as due to being small baby and taking a long time to feed, it's much later lunch if they have to wait)

So, today mindees were dropped off, au pair told me she gave baby her bottle at 7.30am. I did the nursery run then went to childminder drop in. At 10.30am I gave baby a feed as I have to leave by 11.10am at the latest for nursery run and I knew she'd be getting hungry and would otherwise have to wait until 12. So, baby had 3 and half oz's at group then we went off to nursery to pick ds up. As usual, we were home at 12 o'clock. Only 1 and half hours since last feed so put her in chair and started lunch for the other 2. By the time I'd sorted their lunch out and sat them down to eat, she was screaming for her feed Maybe she didn't have enough at group but she seem settled after and I had no choice but to go on the nursery run. Baby very tired so had some of the milk, fell asleep, put down, sorted dessert for kids, baby woke up for more milk, gave her bit more, her sister falling asleep at the lunch table (very very tired today, don't think she slept well?!) so put baby down again so could clean other and put to bed (didn't want her falling off her chair!). Back to baby, winded some more, had more milk but fell asleep again. Had had a decent amount so put in moses basket for nap, after few mins she woke up and woke her sister up from the noise. Brought baby downstairs so sister could go back to sleep. Changed nappy, tried more feed as chewing hand, had some more and finally fell asleep in my arms around 2.10pm. Left it a bit then put her down for nap again. Luckily she's now asleep but it seems that the only way she'll settle for a proper nap is by falling asleep in my arms, being left, then carefully being put down in moses basket.

20 mins passed and guess what, BABY JUST WOKE UP. Gave dummy, settled but now her sister is awake and really needs a longer sleep (she's a NIGHTMARE if broken sleep, ruins the afternoon).

Oh, baby awake again............just brought downstairs to sleep so I can stop her waking her sister up.

So now I'm wondering if I'm going to get any lunch today??? Should have made it instead of being on here but really need advice.

The worst part of the day for me in dinnertime as baby always wants a feed around 4.30-5pm but I should start making dinner around 4.30pm so that her sister has been fed and ready to go in time for pick up. If it was just my ds then I'd be able to be more relaxed about the times but of course mindees need to be ready to go at a certain time don't they.

So at the end of every day, when parents turn up, I have always either not written diaries in full, not wash all of baby's bottles or older sister hasn't finished her dinner. I feel espcially rushed when parents/au pair come to collect early as I'm not ready for them.

Question 1 - at what age do you normally expect mindees to be in a routine? I can't sort a routine at my end as baby still waking in the night which affects the time she needs a bottle in the morning. Obviously the routine is pretty much based around when the first bottle of the day was, currently timings very bad for what I have to do but not a lot I can do about that.

Question 2 - do you think it's best to have baby nap downstairs with me so she doesn't break her sister's sleep? I wanted her upstairs to get a proper quiet nap but she's not sleeping anyway so maybe best to stay with me?

Question 3 - any idea's for preparing dinner? How on earth do I get round this problem? I have had it where I'm feeding baby bottle with one arm and spoon feeding her sister with the other but most of the time baby wants her bottle around 'preparing dinner' time

Question 4 - is it really cruel to leave baby crying whilst I sort things out? I know she's so tiny but if I leave her crying whilst I make lunch for the others then it's only about 10 mins of her crying but if I feed her first then make dinner, lunch is 1+ hr later than usual and the kids are moaning for food.

I know the mum at home was putting baby in another room to cry if they had to sort their other dd out BUT they now have an au pair to help so of course she's being very helpful and picking baby up whenever she cries - doesn't help me as I can't always do this as have others to look after.

God, I'm so sorry, how long was that!!!! Going to have to go now as can't type anymore with baby in arms. She's suffering with her wind again. I swear this is a lot of the problem!!!

Sorry for moaning but feel it's time to get some advice.

TIA

poor you!

sounds like baby is soothed by bottle more than hungry? or maybe needs hungrier baby milk?..maybe even teething and the biting of the teat helps sooth it??..poor lamb and poor you and poor kids!
the baby isnt satisfied by what she is getting and sounds very unsettled.

Thanks for putting that SS, I am totally with you on the feeding for comfort thing. She's sick quite a lot and I did put a thread on the bottle feeding section but felt like people thought I was judging the mother so didn't go back to it. I really do think she's not always feeding for the right reason.

Today she just won't settle at all. She's desperately tired, wants her dummy but it keeps coming out - I can't spend every 3 mins putting the dummy back in her mouth, she really does need to learn to settle herself in the long run but whilst I have spare arms, I'm using them!

Just to put this out there - there is a nasty growth spurt at 11/12 weeks, so maybe this is what is happening?

Get a sling it will help you survive this. I had a baby bjorn but have moved onto a wrap style sling for my dd now that she is older. As a baby she wanted to be held constantly, and this was the only way I ate, got anything done. You won't spoil her, and it will help 1) calm her and perhaps distract from what seems like a need to feed and 2) put her to sleep.

You won't always be able to drop things and hold her I understand, but hopefully she will learn to settle - it's probably a new thing for her. Bless her

Hang in there!

Right, just been having lot chat with their mum and found out something that is different to what I was led to believe a couple of weeks ago. Apparently baby isn't put down for a nap at home, she just tends to fall asleep on the playgym as and when she's tired. So, she has JUST fallen asleep on it! Doesn't bother me where she sleeps, it's just that mum told me she tries to put THEM down around 2pm for a nap but now telling me she only does with the older sibling. At least that helps for me to know, I'll see how she gets on with me doing this!

x'd posts crace

Thanks for that. My problem with the feed side of things is mum wants me to feed her as much as possible to help her growth catch up (she did this with older sister who was 8 weeks early) so of course wants me to feed whenever she's showing signs of wanting it. I just feel that sometimes it really is more a comfort thing and if she's too full, it must be uncomfy? She's been chewing her hand today which is a new thing since last week. Mum noticed this too so is saying to let her just comfort herself like this and to leave her crying when things need doing. I will try my baby bjorn thing again and see if that helps although I couldn't sit down with her in it. I remember when she was only 7ish weeks old, I used it to settle her and even went to the toilet with her in it for fear of her waking up.

Right, whilst she's sleeping I'm going to go off and try and start making dinner.

Feel so bad for ds, done NOTHING with him today (was at nursery this morning) and he's bored He was ok to start with but his best friend has just left us after being with us for 1 and half years. They are 1 month apart in age and they loved playing in their own little world after nursery. Now all he has is babies. He's being really good and not moaning much but I real do feel for him, he misses mindee soooooooooo much (apart from when he's moaning because she won't marry him! hehe )

aw bless your ds

i think maybe get one of those gel teethers, put in fridge overnight and see what she does with that!..i think its teeth and i disagree with mum re feeding as mucha s poss!, the poor thing is stuffed and is not all that hungry otherwise it wouldnt keep coming up, maybe advize mum to buy hungry baby milk, then less is more so to speak, but i think gel teether would help???

Nothing to add to all of the other messages..just wanted to offer sympathy. I have just given notice to the MOST adorable baby for a very similar reason. With 2 other preschoolers full time I just couldn't balance the needs of the baby who wanted my attention all the time and my toddlers who needed more attention than I could give them while I was looking after the baby. It was hearbreaking as the baby and mum are both so lovely :-( Going to be really really sad when he leaves but in a way Im pleased too as my toddlers will be soo much happier.
It also worked out that when one of my current mums found out I had 2 days free she has asked me to have her ds for 2 extra days, and he is just the cutest and gets on fab with my son...so has all worked out ok.

Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one who finds it difficult at times.

Jen

To make mealtimes easier, why not prepare meals the evening before (cook bit extra when doing family meal), serve onto plates, put in fridge and pop in microwave at lunchtime. I know it's knot quite the same as freshly cooked, but needs must for this short time til things settle down. Just a thought. It makes my lunchtimes much easier with 4 under 4!

I had four under four, all my own, and I do what blodwen suggests. I also used to prop the babies up with bottles (in eyesight) while trying to get on with things, and I'm so glad the mum has said you can leave her to cry a bit, it's impossible to look after lots of little ones and run to a baby everytime they cry.

Does she have a dummy?

I also think that feeding all the time creates bad habits, it encourages the baby to snack non stop rather than have regular spaced out feeds, and it is then very hard work to look after the baby, but I guess you don't have much control over that.

My baby is 6mths today and i tried to get him into a routine quite early on. You will soon naturally get into a feed/sleep routine as she gets older. I don't think she should need feeding every time she wakes, approx 3-4 hours but not set in stone(how vague was that!). If she's on formula perhaps try a little cooled boiled water. Try not to hold her to get her to sleep, she needs to learn to get herself off. (I looked after a baby girl whose grandparents did that on the days i didn't have her, what a nightmare. They would hold her until she waked 1-2 hours later!!) Try not to put baby down in complete quiet, they like a bit of noise, radio,tumbler etc. I've often hoovered and that's put my boy to sleep. I know that's not realistic as a childminder, I am one. My baby chews or sucks his thumb/fist. Health visitor advised against dummy. If it falls out he will wake up because he can't put it back in. (It has a medical term for it but can't remember what it is).
Prepare as much lunch/dinner the nite before.
Send unwashed bottles home with baby. Mum should understand you can't do everything. (Let the au pair wash them!)
Could you go for a slow walk round the block for 1/2 hour in the afternoon to give baby some fresh air. She may sleep better and give you a break from holding her/listening to crying.
Bear in mind she is only 11 weeks, she's still getting used to the big bad world.
Chin up, it will get better.

Sorry guys, had every intention of coming back to this thread last night but ended up falling asleep at 8pm!!!! I NEVER fall asleep so early, was one of those days!

SS, got the teethers in place but don't think I'll be needing them yet (today been a dream, will explain in mo). As for feeding, I agree that she's probably being sick due to too much. One of the cartons I got last week had hungry baby so I said to mum 'oh, she's on hungry baby now then' and mum's reply was 'no, just that they ran out of the normal cartons so I got what I could as the cartons (ready made) are very handy!'. I must say I was shocked at the reason as a baby should be on what they need and not what they have in the shop at the time.

I'm not going to mention change of milk, teething etc. until I see how at least tomorrow goes. Today has been great since I've found out about baby liking to sleep on playgym. I wasn't told that this had been happening at home, she originally said that she sleeps in the moses basket so of course I tried naps in that and also bouncer chair but would never have thought of placing her under all those toys when she's so tired but hey, it's deffo worked today - totally different baby!!!

JennaJ - thanks for the support, yesterday was truely awful, especially the afternoon as sister was over tired and really grumpy, turned out she hardly slept at weekend - why don't people pass this important information on??!! Helps to know! ANYWAY.......feeling much better today I actually found having the 4 under 4's easier as at least my ds and the other nearly 4 year old played together in their own make believe world. Harder now she's gone as ds of course nagging me as bored He ended up getting every single teddy from his bedroom to cheers the girls up which was very sweet of him I thought, especially considering between them they made sure ds had NO mummy time.

Blodwen - I may well end up doing that if today is a one off good day! Yesterday's dinner wasn't a difficult time consuming one, just peeled/washed potato's, broccoli and cauliflower, bunged into steamer with salmon steak and peas and left them all steaming. It's just that 10 mins of doing that I had baby screaming. TBH, even reheating food already on the plate would take about that time as I'd have to get them out, unwrap and microwave them. I just need to learn to ignore the crying a bit more Hopefully I won't have an issue with tonights dinner. Going to put jacket potato's in oven shortly and baby SHOULDN'T want her next bottle til at least 5.30pm [fingers crossed]

kelly1978 - yes, i'm to leave her to cry and not feel bad BUT, not been like that at all today as settling on playgym so fingers crossed I'll be ok. Yes she has a dummy but not very often and it keeps falling out anyway. Going to avoid using it unless I have to as it's worse having to run back and forth putting dummy back in her mouth!

Mizzy - thanks to you too. fingers crossed this new information from mum will sort most of the problem out as she's been great with the bottles too - sure it was a comfort feeding to get off to sleep type thing! Sorry to cut short, all useful advice , just got to get baby's sister as she's just woken up!

Please god let all days be like today and NEVER again like it has been!

Just about to shoot to toddler group but very quick question..........

Idea's for keeping 11 week old baby awake for most of the day???

The awful day I had on Tuesday resulted in a great night for mum, baby slept til 7.30ish BUT, my good day yesterday with baby settled and having more rest resulted in baby waking twice in the night

So, mum has asked me to keep baby awake as much of the day as possible. I'm worried as I did try this yesterday for fear of mum having a bad night and when baby wanted to sleep, there was no waking her. We tried all sorts. I just think that if baby wants her sleep (she's got a cold too) then she's going to sleep but I'm worried about mum getting annoyed thinking I've not tried.

So, ANY IDEA'S?

Will be back after lunch to see all your clever idea's!

I don't think the Mum has got a bloody clue personally. An 11 week old CANNOT physically stay awake for most of the day. A young baby needs plenty of rest, I woud say at that ages at least every 2 hours especially if they have a cold. Utterly selfish of her IMO just so she can get a better night.

Totally agree with JolieGirl, it's very unlikely that the fact she was awake most of the day was the reason she slept all night.

Babies who sleep/feed well in the day (obviously not all day) tend to sleep better at night.

She is expecting you to keep an 11 week old baby awake all day.
it's impossible

Tell the mum that if the baby is overtired, it is possible that she will be less settled overnight. Ds used to stay awake for most of the day, but was a complete nightmare to deal with in the evening. Once he was more settled in the day, he was much easier in the evening. Plus it's not good for them. They need lots of sleep at that age and they do most of their growing during their sleep. If she wants her baby to grow well, that's another argument for making sure she has naps during the day.

PS - sounds to me like the mum wants a nanny who will work around her baby!! If I sent my ds to a childminder, I would expect him to have to fit in with the childminder to some extent.

Wow, thanks guys. Between you, people at toddler group and at nursery (they could see me trying to wake her for a feed), you ALL say what I already thought. I fed ds when he wanted feeding and let him sleep when he wanted to sleep but apart from ds, I've never looked after such a little one so it's hard to know what the 'norm' is. I also think that baby mindee is probably having more sleep as maybe a growth spurt and she was early so probably catching up.

Anyway, I feel better about knowing that I can't do the impossible BUT what do I say to the mum? I think the sleeping through the night/not sleeping through the night isn't necessarily as a result of what she's done in the day?

Au pair collecting tonight and I don't have them again til Tues next week and it will be au pair dropping off and picking up as parents off skiing for the week. SO, next time I'll actually SEE mum is the week after next.

I think I'll email mum saying that I've tried very hard but she's just insisted on sleeping this morning. Next week I'll just do what I think as it's not actually mum who'll be dealing with it all and then I'll see how it goes for the following week.

Mum did email me today with a suggested structured routine which I thought was great (timing wise etc) but I think it's going to be very hard to keep awake and make her have the feeds at set times as I've tried today and she was so not interested in having the milk when I tried it.

I just hate letting parents down but what else can i do. This tiny baby just wants to sleep!!!

let the baby sleep. it's cruel not to.

Don't worry about structuring naps, start by trying to structure the feeds and the rest will follow suit.

Are they leaving the baby with the au pair while skiing?

your doing everything right..that baby needs sleep and the mum!!..what 1 week old doesnt wake through the night??!!..she needs to have a reality check!
also you have other children there, so her 'Suggested routine' should be just that!, do what you need to do taking baby into consideration as im sure you do..who ever else said earlier was right, you are not a nanny you have other mindees to look after too..hope todays good

Please don't tell me the Baby's being left with the Au-Pair for a week whilst they go skiing!?!

I'm a Nanny & I wouldn't keep an 11wk old Baby awake in the day, I do what's best for the Baby not the Mother!

Thanks again, I emailed mum earlier and basically said it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep baby awake if they want to sleep and I also said that I personally think she could be having a growth spurt and needs more sleep. Luckily she's come back and said ok, hopefully it is that or her cold and that she doesn't mind waking in the night but hopes poor au pair isn't woken next week! She runs a b & b from home aswell as the day job so I think maybe that's part of this wanting her to sleep through?!

Yes, they are off for a week next week. Au pair started nearly 2 weeks ago, she's lovely but still, they don't really know her that well. Her mum is coming over to visit so that will help au pair a bit (she's only 19).

Strawberrysnowflake (see, used the full name this time! ) - i totally see what you are saying about routine and other mindees etc HOWEVER this is a hard one to use as it's my own ds and the other mindee is baby's sister and that's my 3 under 5 (don't have any over 5's). Makes it harder as can't use the 'affecting other mindees' as she'll just say 'I don't mind, it's only x'

I really hate it when you get a situation where mum wants something doing but you know it's best to do something else. How do you deal with it? It's hard as don't want to come across as I know better or she doesn't know how to bring a child up, just disagree with some things and don't know how to deal with it.

I just feel so sorry for this little baby. A 19 year old aupair is going to be looking after her and she only started working for the family a couple of weeks ago. Some people, I don't know how on earth they justify this sort of behaviour to themselves. I just feel sad and angry.

while they go skiing i mean...they jet off leaving their newborn with a young aupair who has only been with them 2 weeks. Unbelieveable.