How to hand in my notice?

[RentANDBills]

I've been working for this family for just over 6 months now and tbh I'm really miserable.
I was very particular with my job search this time round and made sure that I was only put forward for sole charge roles as I struggle with anxiety and shared care roles leave me paranoid.
I generally love my job and love the little girl I look after however Mum, who originally was meant to go back to work a week after I started, is still not working. She said last year that she was looking for a new job but now doesn't talk about it at all and I feel very much like the topic is off limits.
She is in the house all of the time and regularly comes in and out to join in with baby and I, leaving me slightly redundant and baby screaming for her when she leaves.
She has also slowly but steadily become quite micromanaging and nit-picky. The majority of it is for tasks I'm in the process of doing or stuff that I don't need to be told (eg. Change baby's nappy when she's done a poo - er... I know!).
She also has become quite cold when she talks to me (and others, I think she's very stressed) but I can't explain that one properly as its more HOW things are said rather than what's said.
I've put up with this change for the last half year but I'm now getting panicky and stressed as I feel like she's going to swoop in at any moment.
This is not the first time this has happened to me as a Nanny and frankly - I give up. I don't want to be a Nanny anymore.

However, they spent a lot with an agency to get me and I'll massively shove them up shit creek if I leave. I'm really really worried about what to say when handing my notice in. I don't want to discuss why, least of all because it'll make the last month really tense.

I don't know what to do and the worry is starting to build and build to the point of me panicking on Sunday nights before going back to work.

That was long. Sorry!

Why will they be up shit creek if you leave?
If the mum is there all the time she can look after her baby until/if she makes other arrangements.
If it's badly affecting you then just go, chances are it's so tense because mum doesnt need a Nanny and doesn't know how to tell you

The positive thing here is you're not actually leaving them up shits creek as they certainly have child care. No sudden panic whose going to look after LO whilst mum works as she is there!

I think maybe call a talk, you could arrange that my email or text if easier, to discuss things. I know I know I'm awful at that stuff too but maybe you can explain you went for a sole care role and feel redundant. If this isn't going to change you'd like to work your notice.

She works from home doing various freelancing things. How much I don't know as she's always around.
I was tempted to suggest going PT until she's back at work but that still involves having a conversation about it.
The idea of confronting the problems makes me insanely anxious. This is why I was so funny about being sole charge - I'm a doormat who functions so much better when just left to it.

Just give them 4 weeks notice - you don't owe them anything and will not leave them up shit creek. You are just a luxury at the moment and the mum knows it.

I don't think things will be awkward at all. Hand in your notice and say 'When I took this job on I was under the impression it was a sole-care role and it no longer seems to be that... which is fine, but not what I'm looking to do'. Mum will then be able to get a new nanny, or stick to the original arrangement and make herself scarce.
I'm not sure why you're so anxious about telling her that you want to stick to the job that was originally advertised... no one can fault you for that!

You don't need to explain anything to anyone

A short note - dated - I hereby wish to give four weeks noticed as required under contract. My final day will be X taking X holidays into consideration.

That it - don't discuss!!

I'm positive that she's going to push for an explanation, and I feel like I perhaps owe her one as they spent such a lot of money on employing me.

I'm not sure why you're so anxious I'm anxious about everything. I'm a very non confrontational person, she'll ask me why and I'll get flustered and not explain myself and piss her off and then still have to work with her very closely for another month

CantstandmLMs I've considered that. I'd live to do the whole thing via email tbh!!

Why will they be up shit creek if you leave? the added pressure and expense of replacing me mainly

Why not just say you feel you want a change in job, and therefore taking some time out, to think about your future? Just give in your notice, you will feel much better once you do, and probably have a lovely sense of freedom once you have done it. Try not to over think this, I know it's much easier said than done, but you will be fine.

You don't have to give any explanation for leaving - or if you feel you must you can say something vague - such as:

• the job is no longer a good fit for me
• want to get experience of other types of work/studying/or nannying
• want to move to a new area to reduce outgoings

As long as you can't change the reason ----

I'd like to try a new area - mom can't change that

I'd like experience if a bigger family - nope can't change

She can't argue if you don't give any real reason - so no confrontations

FWIW - I've handed my notice in - different job - but same reasons - only 4 days and counting!!!

Are you in therapy with your anxiety? On the job front, you don't own the family anything and they haven't kept to the part of the deal, i.e. Being sole charge. A lot of nannies only consider sole charge positions because just like you they don't like to be micromanaged and feel uncomfortable with the employer butting in all the time. I would really encourage you to try and build up enough courage to sit down with the parents. Explain that you expected a sole charge role and now feel a bit micromanaged and it makes you miserable as you don't feel like a valued professional. Ask what their plans are. Hopefully, they will say how they envisage things going forward. If the mum says that she's not ready to let go and wants to be involved with the baby during the day, then oh can just quit.

Omg I would not be happy at all !!
I am a nanny of 5 years and I use to work for this miserable lady for over a year and nearly the same things were happening but now I work independently and it's awesome.
Just hand in your resignation and tell them you are moving your house or any excuse that may be out of your reach if you are worried however,honesty is the best policy and if you do tell them the mum might try to give you lots of BS to make you stay.
And if this is making you change your profession you need to 100% get out of it.
There are many wonderful parents who Re willing to have great nannies like us.
Be brave and good luck

If your job is making you that unhappy you owe it to yourself to leave.

Conversely, you may find that she isn't as unhappy with you leaving as you think, there's probably a reason that she's a bit cold with you and micro-managing.

Some nannies just aren't suited to shared-care and there's no reason why you can't say at an interview that you are a nanny as you prefer working alone and don't enjoy the different dynamic of shared care role.

Some nannies just aren't suited to shared-care I absolutely fall into this category, and know it - I was so measured with my job search and made sure that I was only put forward for sole charge.
I'm really receptive to others moods and paranoid very aware, I'm just not comfortable when the parents are around.
Unfortunately this job has "evolved" into shared care, and I'm not being told when/if this is going to change.

I think Doglikeafox's suggestion is best - just say:

"When I took this job on I was under the impression it was a sole-care role and it no longer seems to be that... which is fine, but not what I'm looking to do"

When hiring nannies I had a very strong impression (not sure from where!) that most nannies have a strong preference to be left to do their job independently without parents constantly being on site popping in and out, and now I have a child I can totally understand why. I was even a bit worried about keeping my nanny while on mat leave because of this (but at least on mat leave everybody knows there is an end in sight!) As it turns out my nanny is going to go travelling for a good chunk of my mat leave, so that works well for both of us.

I would just say that the job isn't the one that was advertised, and you are therefore regretfully moving on as you find sole-care roles more fulfilling. It's not personal to Mum, it's just a major difference between the job that was advertised and what the job has ended up being.

Try not to worry too much. Even if the last month is awkward it's only a month, and hopefully after a couple of weeks you'll have a great new job lined up to look forward to!

RentAndBills My lovely, I know how fabulous you are .. and I will firmly say, if you are not happy, then give in your notice. You don't have to explain yourself, it isn't your place to worry about leaving them up any kind of creek, smelly or otherwise. IF you are not happy, your first duty is to yourself and yourself alone. What is your notice period? I'm guessing at 4 weeks, which although not easy, is still enough time for them to find even temporary cover. But if Mum isn't working anyway, to the extent that she can micromanage you the way she is, this won't be an issue for her.

Are you planning to expand your other businesses so you don't need to nanny anymore? You could always put yourself forward for school holiday nannying, or something, if you wanted to keep your hand in - or join a temp agency, you know how hard it is to get short-term/last minute cover, you should be snapped up for just as many hours/days as you want to work. I'd have you like a shot .. ;)

Seriously, much as your loyalty is highly commendable, you have a duty to yourself first and foremost. Hand in your notice, work the notice period out with as much patience and good humour as you can, don't allow it to stress you out, and leave at the end of your notice period with a lightened heart! And if you really, really want to give a reason - say you want to concentrate on your other businesses, and have decided nannying is not the career you want to pursue any more. Simples!

@Arianrhod
Thank you for your kind words, they made me feel better

The decision was made for me in the end; I got made redundant over the weekend. As I expected a large majority of the problems were financial and they couldn't afford a nanny.

It's me up shit creek now as I have my (short) notice period and then am without a job. No idea if I want to nanny again after this or what my alternatives are very mixed feelings about the whole thing

You know what they say ... these things happen for a reason! You wanted to leave but didn't know how to go about it; the universe stepped in for you! :) Now all you need to figure out is what you want to do next ...