au pairs - yay or nay?

[Ididntwetmyself]

Folks, I'm on the hunt for an au pair for the first time. And OMG so many agencies, websites, Facebook pages....

What are your top tips? Success stories you might share to inspire and motivate?

It's Scary - how do you know that a person isn't going to be a lazy, messy, loud squatter?
Not in the UK btw...

My first au pair was through an agency and she was great. We asked for someone sporty and she was very energetic. She was only here for the summer as she was a university student, it was a sort of trial for us to see if au pairs suited us.

All the rest have been through au pair world. I short list by age (have to be 25 to be able to go on the car insurance), whether they've had sporting experience with children (have coached a sport or worked in a summer camp) and whether they've lived away from their family (having lived abroad is a plus). I do Skype interviews and go on gut feel mostly, most times I do a short list of five and have to go on to my next short list of five because I have clicked with anyone on the first list. They have to have a sense of humour, and be quite a laid-back, beta type of personality, and you can only judge that sort of thing in conversation. I always let my (hyper and loud) DC talk to them for a few minutes, and ask a few questions. If a potential au pair can engage with them over Skype then he/she will probably be ok in person too, if he/she can't converse with them or if he/she looks horrified at my DC's antics then they're not right for our family.

None of my au pairs have ever been lazy, messy or loud, one of them was a bit anxious that she didn't have enough to do, which was more annoying than I would have imagined it to be but still not bad. One was totally enamoured with his girlfriend (whom he met here) and would tell me how much she disliked the family that she was au pairing for and hint that I should find her another family, but that was a fairly minor annoyance. All of them have made friends fairly quickly so they would go out in the evenings at weekends and sneak back in in the early hours as quiet as mice, so they don't really need to be 'entertained' in the way that guests do.

Oh thank you TimTamTerrier appreciate your post and all the info.
I haven't told ds(6) that I'm looking as he doesn't know dh has moved out/we are separating so I've a few hurdles in line.
I met a potential aupair this pm for a tea in town and she seemed nice but I didn't click at all.
Not sure I'm being totally over the top demanding that she not be remotely irritating - but anyone new will have something that bugs.
Right?

We've had a few au pairs so far - and I really would recommend you go with your instinct as PP said - if you think you didn't click then keep looking if you have time. We've found that whilst they are mostly able to entertain themselves once settled, having someone live with you as part of your family can be very strange at first so it is essential you 'essentially' get on.
Good luck!

I would add that your son will probably identify his dad moving out with the aupair arriving and therefore he will not like her. You need a young woman who will be able to cope with that. Taking from experience here from when I was an aupair