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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CM CLUB - DS1 and mindee

19 replies

saltire · 15/02/2007 08:09

You may recall a few weeks ago i posted about DS1(almost9) not getting on with mindee4, (almost 8), and the problem it is causing. Well things are no better. it's got to the stage where DS1 is constantly being sent upstairs to play on his own. They wind each other up, DS1 does because he's a boy and it's his nature, he winds everyone up. Mindee4 is winding him up to get a reaction - a hit or a push so she can then complain to me.
I am thinking of saying to DS1 to completely ignore this girl, just to pretend she isn't there, but I m not sure if this is a good idea. I just feel so stressed byt he situation. She told her mum the other day
"DS2 was kicking me". To which i replied "Yes and tell your mum why he kicked you, because you were kicking him first, so he retaliated". What a look of pure evil she gave me. DS1 yesterday was wanting to see what game she was playing on her Nintendo DS, and she kept moving away from him, so he tried to get it from her hands, she then fell on the floor in a dramtic heap, "He pushed me over". Now i had watched the whole situation, so knew he hadn't pushed her over, but sent him upstairs to play as well. he then got scwol and the tongue sticking out.
I have talked to DS1 till I am blue ion the face, but he won't listen, I just want to scream. She also follows DS2 around like a puppy, much to his annoyance.
So would it be out of order to tell DS1 to completely ignore this girl?

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StrawberrySnowflakes · 15/02/2007 08:24

you need to speak to her parents, youre doing this job primarily(well i am) to fit in with your family, which means keeping them happy, this child sounds like a little piece of work and its not fair on you ds or you to have to put up with it/be referree..hope today is better

Twoandabump · 15/02/2007 09:00

I have to agree with SS, it is a job that you are doing, and if it is really affecting your family, should you really carry on with this girl??

I had a mindee once that was like that, and because I also had her 2 older sibling as well, then by giving notice I lost nearly £1000 a month! The peace and harmony in the house that came back when they left though was well worth it, and I filled the places with nicer children anyway, so didn't really loose out at all.

crace · 15/02/2007 09:19

Oh no- I agree that if she is distrupting things that much you may want to consider letting her go.

I assume her parents aren't going to help you?

KaySamuels · 15/02/2007 09:41

Have you spoke to the girls mum about this before now? Would it be worth giving her a call to talk about and see if she will support you, has any suggestions etc? If you don't get support from her then I think I too would give my notice, it sounds like they are just not going to get along. I know you have been making an effort with this situation and I feel for you but I agree I would put my own family's happiness first.

Original poster

saltire · 15/02/2007 10:12

It was the mum that first mentioned it, saying that mindee 4 had mentioned that DS1 annoys her. I have the girl before and after school, and her sister before school, then in the mornings until she goes to mursery at 12, then after school.
DH and I had a chat with DS1, and said that no mindees would be allowed upstairs, and that if he wanted to watch a DVD he could go into our room, and that way he hopefully wouldn't feel as though the house was being taken over by mindees. However, they just don't get on, and I know DS1 can annoy others, and wind them up a bit ( he is always trying to lift the younger mindees), but at the same time she winds him up. I know i would get support, because when i told the girls mum that she had been kicking DS2, the mum told her off.
As i said above, i want to tell DS1 to just ingore this girl completely, but feel that might be a bit out of order.
I am also made to feel guilty by my mum and MIL, because i childmind, they say it's my fault he is like he is because i have all these other children in teh house and i don't give him enough attention. I chose to do minding so i could take my DSes to school, and pick them up afterwards and be at hom,e for them, but i just don't know what to do anymore.
Also, at the risk of being jumped on by parents of girls, I have had similar problems in the past, both times were with girls of a similar age to this one , lots of tale telling, being horrible, whining at each other etc. maybe its an age thing with them both. oh I don't know

OP posts:

crace · 15/02/2007 10:19

How can they make you feel guilty? If it's not childminding, you would have to go out and work, and still not be there for your LO.

I am not so sure it is out of order that your DS1 ignores this girl - I can see you can't turn her away as you lose another mindee as well. Tricky situation.

Your DS is still young, but old enough to understand - perhaps a reward chart? When he is good and listens to you (ie not picking up the little ones) he gets a star, and at end of week he gets something that he likes?

Oh, and same with your mindee - could do a treat on Friday for all the mindees for good behaviour, like golden time at school or something? Pizza party at the end of the month etc etcetc

looneytune · 15/02/2007 10:21

I have female mindee who turned 4 yesterday and my ds turns 4 next month and mindee is very much like that. It's her last day today and we're really going to miss her but won't miss the winding up she does and the trouble it causes. Ds is always getting into trouble, he's very obvious with his behaviour whereas madam mindee is very sneaky, does little things she KNOWS will annoy him to cause him to react and get into trouble (then she has big smile!). I could go on and on with examples of stuff she's done but i can't be bothered, basically she's a right madam and I personally do believe it's a girl thing. Not against girls (love them and would love one of my own) at all, I just think boys can be full of beans and boisturous and girls can be clever and sneaky. Just what I've noticed with family, friends, mindees.

I do feel for you! Don't know what the answer is apart from give notice on this one? However if you childminding is the problem then you need to look at the whole situation.

StrawberrySnowflakes · 15/02/2007 10:38

My dd and mindee are the same, dd is always mummy mindee just did this that the other..mindee 'does' do these things, and if i ask her why.She cries..obv works..normally, but not with me, if someones done something wrong, crying gets them no where...but as ive only had girls i can vouch for you, they winge, wine and tell tales!as wella s the good stuff when theyre not doing this

Original poster

saltire · 15/02/2007 12:04

DS1 is now off school, and winding them up again. He has just taken mindee 3 hand, and slapped mindee 2 across the face with it[shcok] and then came and told me that she (mindee) had hit the little 1. I knew straight away there was something up, as mindee 3 is not a child who pushes or hits in any way. He is now in his room!
Grr, I am so wound up now

OP posts:

mykidzrmyworld · 15/02/2007 12:26

Saltire I feel for u so much as im in a similar situation with my ds (3.10) and mindee boy 8yrs. from day one they dont get on - mindee winds ds up and they bicker and tell tales.Mindee's behavious is totally inappropiate and teaching my ds things he shouldnt be doing at his age. I feel like im at breaking point with mindee and I know its him causing this as when I have other mindee's (another 8yr old & 5yr old) none of this goes on, hse is great.
I spoke to mum this week and she did punish mindee at home but for the next day not to be much better-mindee swore at me and turned other mindee's against my son.
At first I always punished my ds and send him upstairs etc like U...but why should we?
Im sooooo tempted to give notice.This has been happening since November,Like strawbs said this is suppose to fit in with our family and if its causing probs I dont think its worth it. Ive now notices my ds attitude change Like mindee's and that is the last thing i want!
How much time should we let this go on and cause us dreading our job!??
Sorry havent got advice just wanted to get my frustration out too!Hope things work for u soon and get things sorted

Original poster

saltire · 15/02/2007 13:01

The thing is, we get glowing reports from the school - teacher, and head, about how well behaved he is in school, wouldn't say boo to a goose, doesn't answer back etc. However when he gets home, and mindees are here he changes completely. I am so angry with him today for what he has done, but at the same time feel for him as he is getting so wound up by this (mindee)girl.
i may put this in behaviour as well and see if anyone can advise me!

OP posts:

charmedhay · 15/02/2007 17:33

My dd is 6 and i have mindees 9 and 7 brother and sister. My dd makes it known its HER house etc. But they never play happly as trio its ALWAYS 2 against 1. I just try to make the one left out feel welcome .

LaaLaaPosh · 15/02/2007 18:09

This sounds so much like my situation (I posted on here a while ago) My DS1 is just so embarrassingly rude to my mindee tho'!

She'd litrally just stepped out of her school the other day and it was "What you lookin' at, stop lookin' at me?" He's not at all like it anyother time, everyone always comments on how polite my kids are.

I haven't had mindee this week (half-term) and he's been fine

KaySamuels · 15/02/2007 18:09

When your ds is at home when mindees aren't there does he behave then? Hope not being too nosy - it's just my ds has the odd day where he attention seeks if I have mindees here.

Original poster

saltire · 15/02/2007 21:13

No Kay, his behaviour at home is getting reallybad as well. i posted in behaviour, but only person replied, and she pretty much said what i suspected all along, that's it my fault. Which is what DH, mum and MIL all say.

OP posts:

crace · 16/02/2007 06:43

Why is it your fault??

Original poster

saltire · 16/02/2007 08:03

According to DH it's because i am too soft with him! But MIL and my mum say it's because i childmind, and therefore am neglecting him.

OP posts:

crace · 16/02/2007 08:31

How helpful of them... and did they suggest anything to help with the problem?? Other than give up childminding - which I assume you need to do for work?

hennipenni · 16/02/2007 14:28

Hi Saltire, I may be spouting utter poo here but do you think it's because he's the oldest and perhaps sees the mindee as a threat if she's louder, bolshier etc? My other thought was maybe the dreaded hormones are rearing there ugly head? My own 9 yr old DD hjas changed recently with her view to my mindees and have put it down to this.

FWIW I have three DD of my own and I know exactly how sneaky, tale telling etc they can be.

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