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Should I tell my nanny not to bring people to my house

62 replies

turinbrakesarefab · 04/10/2016 18:08

Some perspective please. I have a nanny who looks after my 1 and 5 year olds. She is lovely and genuinely enjoys her job. I count myself lucky to have her, no complaints.

However, today she had two other nanny friends round with a total of 5 under 4s. They did this a lot during the holidays, which is fair enough but it is becoming a bit more of a regular thing during term. They will turn up after the school run and stay till pick up time, do lunch, the whole shebang.

Now where I am losing my sense of humour. Today, they tried to get one of the kids to go to sleep in my older daughter's bed (nobody asked whether I'm ok with this but heyho). One of them (not mine) tried to shut the curtains and managed to tear the fixings out of the wall. I have no idea how she managed to do that but the rail was rocksolid before and now I have a massive whole in the wall.

They moved a bunch of furniture, including heavy dining room table. I don't want to sound precious but I now have to move it all back.

A couple of other things but this is getting long.

I really don't want a bunch of strangers and assorted kids trashing my home while I'm at work. Would it be unreasonable to tell my lovely nanny no more house visits. She will be upset and I understand my youngest enjoys the company.
Also, on a more practical level, she is insured under my home insurance but no idea how this would extend to other nannies who are also effectively working while here.

All your thoughts much appreciated!

OP posts:
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PowerPantsRule · 04/10/2016 21:56

Completely agree with Clacks. I have had nannies for nine years. My nanny used to have children over to play with another nanny, but only one at a time, and for two hours max. This is a lovely social engagement for your nanny at your and your child's expense. I would be hopping about cancelling the activity - who really benefits here?

I agree with you OP about how hard it is to lay down the law with a nanny as you are scared she will take it out on the kids. I made a mistake once by letting my nanny get away with things I should have called her on and it ended terribly. She was boasting to her nanny friends that I was 'under her thumb' which gave me some backbone! You have my sympathy but rest assured YADNBU!

MrsNuckyThompson · 04/10/2016 22:05

I would just talk to her and ask her not to move things around (or to put things back) and also ask that children are not put to bed upstairs.

I do think it is unfair for both her and your kids to ban play dates which is effectively what you're talking about doing.

Kitchenaide · 04/10/2016 23:29

Quite clearly what is happening is she is having a good old gossip with her nanny pals while the kids run riot upstairs.... agree with others, this is not on.

Karoleann · 04/10/2016 23:47

The furniture thing is easy...just ask her to move it back.

We never had nannies asking other families she knew back, it just didn't seem right. We DID have our nanny asking other friends from nursery back, so they were our children's friends rather than hers. Our nannies did meet her own friends with their children sometimes, but outside our home and I think that's how it should be. I'd only ever want people I'd previously met inside my own home.

Remember you are the employer

LightTripper · 05/10/2016 11:22

I am with stayathomegardener and think no more playdates is a bit of an overreaction. I wouldn't be at all happy with this episode, but playdates are good for your children as well as keeping your nanny sane. However, I think it would be reasonable for you to put a limit on numbers and definitely to ask that furniture not be moved in future, and that children are not left unsupervised while at your house.

For a bit of context, my previous nanny used to have regular playdates at our house usually once or twice a week (but also took my daughter to other nannies' houses for play dates about as often). I always felt it was good for my DD's socialisation, and also gave my nanny some respite as 10 solid hours with a toddler is a lot. Nannies need some adult company too and kids need to learn to play with other kids. Occasionally a visiting child would have a nap in our travel cot: but the travel cot was always put back away by the time I was home, so it was no extra work for me.

One time (in 2.5 years she was with me) one of these play dates resulted in glue being splodged on my living room rug (I think it must have been glue - it was totally non-cleanable and non-flakable and nothing would clean it off). I have no idea how it can have happened and (slightly annoyingly) neither did my nanny. I was a bit annoyed, but on the other hand accidents happen, it could just as easily have happened if I had been at home with my DD with friends visiting, and she didn't invite that nanny to our house again. In the end I was able to snip the gluey patch out with nail scissors as it wasn't that deep, and I think you have to expect a bit of household destruction with young children regardless of who is in charge. I will get a new rug when my kids are older and less likely to do the same again.

LightTripper · 05/10/2016 11:28

Sorry Turin I completely missed pages 2 and 3 Blush - my post is a bit pointless now (although maybe you will enjoy the glue story at least - you are not entirely alone!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/10/2016 12:40

Supriser this wasn't mentioned at interview

Most nannies will socialise as likewise mums do

I agree you don't want people round your house every day all day - assume they take turns so some days your nanny goes to their house etc

Obv damage to your home is wrong esp if not known how it got damaged

Some parents understandably don't want other children /strangers in their beds

I wouldn't stop play dates totally but maybe reduce time to a morning or afternoon

Plus check why she stopped the group she originally did

TheClacksAreDown · 06/10/2016 11:57

Any update OP?

turinbrakesarefab · 06/10/2016 13:09

Oh yes, sorry. Nothing more frustrating than if the OP never comes back.
The issue came up quite naturally when she commented on the (most excellent!) fix I'd done on the curtains. She brought it up herself that maybe there had been too many people in the house to which I agreed and mentioned that (a) playdates with reasonable numbers are fine (b) kids should sleep in their own house when they are that small.
So all good. Nothing happened from a place of malice or piss-taking so no harm done.

OP posts:
LightTripper · 06/10/2016 14:35

Oh good - sounds like a good outcome all round!

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/10/2016 16:51

Glad all sorted maybe she on here and read this thread

TheClacksAreDown · 06/10/2016 18:35

Glad to hear it is sorted

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