advice needed, employing a friend as a carer

[gingernutlover]

I am considering taking dd 18m out of her nursery for several reasons

I mentioned to a friend that I was thinking about a childminder instead and she has offered to have dd at home with her on the days I work, she is not a registered childminder. I trust this friend to be a good carer to my little girl, her dd is the same age and I can see how this would be a very beneficial agreement all round, it would also save me a lot of money as she has offered to be paid £30 a day (nursery is £46)

I am very very tempted by this, but somthing is holding me back, I think I am worried about losing this person as a friend, she is the closest freind I have ever had and the only person who seems to understand me other than dh.

I did say this to her and she just said that of course we'd have to have a written agreement and decide on important things.

I have aso offered to buy a second hand twin buggy so she can take them both out for walks etc.

Can someone please give me their advice on this, what important things should we agree on, I can think of some but dont want to miss out anything which may cause a problem at a later date.

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Can't do that for more than 2 hours per day, as there is 'reward' - in this case money, but other things also count such as chocolate, flowers etc. Having a written agreement makes it far too formal and such an agreement being in place could be used as evidence that it is really childminding.

I am not a lawyer... but to me what you and your friend propose would breach rules in England.

The work around is that she cares for your child, at your home. She is then classified as a nanny - which means your employee, thus you pay her Tax and NI on her behalf taken from her gross pay, plus employers NI.

also u wont be able to claim tax creits (childcare element) because the carer has to be registered by OFSTED/CSIW etc

Why don't you suggest your friend looks into registering as a Childminder? She doesn't have to look after anyone else's children if she doesn't want to.

Trust is important, but its not enough on its own. Ds went on a sleepover to a friend I thought I could trust; when I went to collect him 11 am she was drunk and had no idea where the children were. (luckily he had gone to play at another friend & his mum phoned me to check I knew where he was). I'm not suggesting your friend would do anything like that; its just that the registration process is there for a reason. CRB & medical checks, first aid training, insurance - you really do need all these things.

And I know one mum who made an arrangement with a non-registered person because she wanted to save money, only to find out later that the Registered Childminders were even cheaper. So make sure you've checked that out too - fees vary wildly depending on the hours you want and where you live.

i'm a reg childminder and wont have friends children as i think this will affect our freindship
i have parents now that are friends but first it was business

HI GNL I would go with my gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right it usually isn't, this is your most precious thing in the world, don't take any chances. I did this when my son was 18 months, my hubby and I both had to go back to work. My close friend has a son of the same age and she is such a lovely person. I trust her and we have similar beliefs etc and I thought it would allow my son to still have a close bond with someone special and not just be another kid in a nursery. I was also worried about what would happen at a childminder where I had no control over visitors etc. Well it nearly wrecked our friendship. I paid her £30 a day which is the going rate for CM's in our area so I didn't save any money. Her son kept hitting my son as he was jealous and her son kept getting told off and was obviously jealous of my son so that wasn't ideal. It was really difficult to say when I wanted something done differently to her methods as I didn't want to insult her parenting but there were some things I really wanted done my way so you have to look at that and find a way to agree things without taking offence.

I did find out its not legal to pay someone who isn't registered and they can't do it for more than a few hours (see other posts for the exact details) My friend and I tried it for about a month but I decided to stop after I arrived one day and she had left my son with her father in law for the day. They didn't warn me about this or ask my permission and although he was a lovely person I just didn't feel confident that I had control over what my child was doing and where he was going. Sooo... I suggest proceeding with caution - you should check the legal stuff, get a contract with specific things you want the child to do each day and how you want things done and trial it for a few weeks on a temp basis. Ask for the house to be checked / made safe etc before you send your child. I would do this only if you are 100% sure its right. Remember the good old days when our parents used to leave us kids to play with friends for the afternoon and everything was fine? Good luck with your decision.

I am not sure I would look after a friends child either - I have one little girl that I watch 3 hours 1 morning per week and I know her mum from toddler groups, and coffee mornings. I am really nervous though, if things went badly it would affect not only her and my relationship, but mine with the others in the groups I attend.

So I sat down with her and explained that I was worried and that at any time she was uncomfortable or wanted to stop her daughter from coming then to let me know. With no hard feelings.. I feel much better about it now, plus her little girl loves coming and always give her mum trouble when it's time to go so that helps

I just say be cautious, and I would be worried the fact she isn't registered as well.

Good luck!