i dismissed my nanny for stealing, now she wants a reference.

[birdie2shoes]

I dismissed my nanny as she had been stealing from us. I said i wasn't going to prosecute her but i couldn't give her a reference. here we are a month later and an agency has left a message saying they're calling for a reference. what's the best thing to do here? refuse? tell the truth?

Tell the truth. Why wouldn't you?

You have to tell the truth.

Why are you even asking? Of course you tell the truth. Can't believe how hard faced she is actually.

If you can contact the nanny ask them if they would like

a) no reference
b) a reference that references their theft

The fact they are asking for a reference makes me suspicious they don't actually understand why they were given the push, I must say.

Tell the truth. She's lucky she didn't get prosecuted and the agency need to know about the reasons for her leaving your employment. I'd do it over the phone in a clear but not-for-the-record way. Otherwise you'd be giving her a bad "reference" of sorts.

Yeah tell the truth. Save another family.

You are on dodgy ground if you put that she stole, in writing, without proof. I would say that she worked for you from x to y and to ring you for further feedback. At least people can then read between the lines.

Tell the truth.

Personally I wouldn't want to get into it.
I'd tell the agency that you don't wish to provide a reference and you'd already told ex-nanny this and leave it to them to figure out why.

Do you have proof she stole from you?

If not give a reference along the lines of "whilst I can not confirm nor deny that "nanny" is a possible petty criminal, many items/belongings/money went missing in my household during her time here. Perhaps it was a coincidence?"

They will get it and you've not slandered her.

i do have proof yes. thanks everyone for your advice

I'd say, "Oh I'd love to give a reference! Could you ask them to call me?" and then I'd tell the truth about the theft.

What did she steal?

she definitely stole money (turns out on a regular basis) and then you begin to wonder what else.

She stole money?? no doubt I would tell, if not she could go on and do it to whoever employs her next.

I worked for an American Company who gave everyone X employee the same reference. What you do is; , write her a 'Statement of Employment' which is basically:

Statement of Employment
Date
X worked for me as a Nanny from X date to y date.
Signed Ms. Birdie2Shoes
Tel;

Most prospective employers will contact you directly if they want to know more. Be careful how you phrase it but you can make it clear (without leaving yourself open to legal action)

Refuse to give her a reference as you are not prepared to recommend her; that sends a very clear message without you having to be specific about the reasons, and the burden of proof.

Unless the theft was backed with legal action I would avoid mentioning it.

I think the best bet is to decline to provide a reference. That should be damning enough for any subsequent employer.

"I am not prepared to offer a reference for Miss X"

I thought is was illegal to give a bad reference? Or is that when it comes to giving it directly to a future employer?

That's not true, seenoevil. It's illegal to give an untrue reference. If it's true and you can back it up then it's fine.

Visit would go with

Unfortunately we are unable to give a reference to X as discussed with her previously.

I think your better off refusing to give a reference, you tell the agency why you are refusing.

You could open a legal can of worms giving the reason on paper if you haven't prosecuted. I would think this is better off avoided.