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CMClub: confession

12 replies

KaySamuels · 30/01/2007 09:12

I am so ashamed and upset about what I did last week. (Didn't want to change my name tho I'm aware I could have) This is long so bear with me....

Had let all mindees parents know that I would be changing a particular part of their contracts end of Feb. On Wednesday morning I had one mum who is a friend of mine call me to ask me to explain it (or justify it depending how you look at it), anyway we got past it after a long discussion but I found it totally draining.

Like most CMs I find it hard to be firm regarding payments and I dread confrontation. I was at this mum's house later on in the day when another parent called my mobile, I was half way thru changing my ds's nappy so I checked who it was and put the phone aside. I then told the parent who I was with who it was and explained I couldn't face a debate at that moment, that I dreaded these conversations, found it hard, etc. I also said that I knew this parent would not be happy as she was unhappy in the past with my previous, more than reasonable payment system (which others where taking advantage of). I said I would call her later (I was still a little emotional from the coversation earlier on - I am quite a nervous person).

Anyway it turned out the mum who had called me had heard the conversation somehow my phone had picked up her call. She told me she had heard everything and would be finding her son someone else, she put this was a shame as he liked to come (only comes in school holiday mornings). I tried to call her to apologise but she wouldn't answer, so ended up having to send her a text to apologise.

I feel dreadful, have been crying on and off, hate to think I have upset her, am embarassed, and my IBS has flared up too. The ironic thing is I didn't answer to avoid falling out with her and ended up doing so anyway! If she hadn't heard I could have called her later when I was composed and professional and all would have been fine. Feel awful as payment issues aside her and her son are lovely. I don't think there is anything I can do now but needed to get it off my chest I guess.

My dp has said
-there's nothing i can do
-the parent was probably calling to tell me she was moving son anyway
-should forget it and find a parent who is happy to pay
but I don't know whether this is a male response or sound advise? I know what I did was wrong and unprofessional, just wanted to see what you all think of this awful situation

OP posts:
franyfroo · 30/01/2007 09:32

oh god you must be feeling awful, its always been a nightmare of mine that i havnt put phone down and people hear things they shouldnt. could you not write to this person, explain how you were feeling worried to talk to her and that you arnt very good at confrontation. tell her how much you love having her child. you can only try. if she doesnt want to know then there is nothing else you can do. at least you tried.
good luck and try not to get to upset about it, some things are meant to be.

furcoatandnoknickers · 30/01/2007 09:55

That is so embarasing for you - poor thing. If you really did explain the things you said without being derogatory/slagging her off then you musnt feel bad. Esp. if she didnt pay on time.
If you slagged her off - then you are already giving yourself a good telling off, put it down to a learning experience. We all need these little reminders now and again.
I wouldnt write. If you have tried to call and sent a text. It is now her that is being unreasonable. You can bet that sometime in your partnership' she will have said unkind things about you to someone. We all do. I know I do with my nanny - (not to her face), usually when I feel tired. "god she really anoyed me when"....type of thing..

smeeinit · 30/01/2007 10:22

oh kay you poor thing.
tbh i dont think there is alot more you can have apoligised and it is up to her whether to accept it.
its easy fro me to say........BUT dont worry yourself sick over it,it was a genuine mistake you did not intend to cause offence or upset.

dmo · 30/01/2007 12:35

poor you i feel for you
as your dh said your better off rid and get somebody who will pay you on time
anyway you may find a full time hoilday child

BradfordMum · 30/01/2007 14:50

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you, however in my opinion, you were not dealing in a very confidential way, especially as you were discussing it with another customer.
The mum who rang must have felt you were happy to discuss her circumstances.
I can understand she's feeling agrieved, but moving her son who is happy with your care is cutting her nose off to spite her face.

I hope you can resolve this as soon as possible.

KaySamuels · 30/01/2007 18:33

Thats what I am most upset about, that she will be hurt I discussed her to someone else and acted unprofessionally.

When I sent her a message to apologise I did put that I would understand her not using me again but that I too thought it would be a shame and hoped we could get past it. However I think she would have stopped using me as her childminder anyway as there is a new childminder down her street which would enable her son to play out with his friends (and who I have found out today has been approaching some of my mindees parents)

Thanks for all your replies - I was expecting more of a bashing tbh and I'm relieved you were all so emphatic.

OP posts:
mykidzrmyworld · 30/01/2007 19:06

out of curiousity what part of the contract were u changing for all parents not to be happy with??
Feel for you as we all make mistakes...
not a very nice new CM to approach your rude and unproffessional IMO

Greensleeves · 30/01/2007 19:14

Oh God, how excruciating for you . Honestly, this sort of thing happens to everyone once in a while. I have IBS too, and terrible nerves, so I can imagine how shaken and awful you must feel.

I agree with your dp that you should draw a line under it and put it down to experience. It's not such a dreadful thing that you did, you weren't badmouthing her, it was just very unfortunate - and probably worse for you than for her.

If it makes you feel any better, I once sent an email to my MIL which was intended for dh - it was about MIL, taking the piss out of her as you would only do to your dh, including the phrase "she can fuck off" among other things. I had to think on my feet to talk my way out of that one! Come to think of it, I am such an idiot, this has happened to me loads of times in small ways. People do get over it.

crace · 30/01/2007 19:17

How very very awful for you - but I agree with the others, chalk this one up to experience. As you say, she might have been looking for any old excuse.

These things happen, I've done that sort of thing sadly a few times. And I agonise over them still too - nervous tummy and all.

Hopefully things work out, try not to beat yourself up about it.

KaySamuels · 31/01/2007 09:00

Thanks you two glad to know I am not the only one!

I was changing the absence fees in my contract, it used to be if mindee was off short notice - half fee was charged, if they gave me four weeks notice it was no fee. Unfortunately this was being taken advantage of and I was losing LOTS of money, so it is now full fee when they are off, no fee for the four weeks I am off. Seems to have been received without too much stomping and shouting from other parents so maybe it is a relief that I no longer will be dealing with a parent who begrudges paying me.

OP posts:
mykidzrmyworld · 31/01/2007 09:31

You done the right thing changing your contract to that as parents can take the mick.
Your probably better off rid in the long run if she was the type of parent always to moan and dispute contract changes.
Hope you'll feel better soon and get another child to go onwards and upwards

KaySamuels · 31/01/2007 10:13

Yes, am keeping fingers crossed now for a nice full timer with a lovely mum! LOL!

OP posts:
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