Having an issue with my nanny - anyone have any ideas/input?

[lisalisa]

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I dont trust her anymore.

Sorry, but there's your answer. She has to go.

I would definitely replace her. I am sure you can find someone as good who is more organised. If you have specifically asked her to do something, then I don't think there is any excuse. But to be honest, the disappearing thing alone would do it for me... If someone is in charge of your child, they should be contactable at all times. Who knows where she is and, moreover, who else your child is with??

Get rid.
She is taking piss.
Your baby will be FINE.

Your baby was missing for 5 hours.

You don't trust her.

She doesn't actually carry out most of her duties.

Get rid of her. Yes - it will be hard. But your baby WILL adjust.

She sounds awful! I'd tell her to go, it sounds like she has absolutely no respect for you as her employers at all.
Does your LO know the au pair well? Maybe she could help out until you settle in a replacement?

She has to go. sorry but she does. You HAVE to be able to trust her with your child. I fmy nanny was out of contact for 5 hours with my 19th month old Ds I would go ballistic

I am less bothered about the lists/veg prep stuff TBH. My nanny is a bit scatty and needs very specific directuion about what to do, what to buy. But I trusther 110% with DD and since I am away for 10 hours a day this is important.

She has to go. sorry but she does. You HAVE to be able to trust her with your child. I fmy nanny was out of contact for 5 hours with my 19th month old Ds I would go ballistic

I am less bothered about the lists/veg prep stuff TBH. My nanny is a bit scatty and needs very specific directuion about what to do, what to buy. But I trusther 110% with DD and since I am away for 10 hours a day this is important.

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You don't trust her. Isn't that your answer?

Babies get used to change surprisingly easy. Unless you will keep her until the baby is 16 then you will have to change child care at some point anyway.

Too many reasons to list why but she has to go!!

There will be more devils.

Other nany's will adore your baby.

Get The Lady magazine bought and agencies rung!!

If you are in Kent I know someone who is fab!!

I am tempted to say 'Get a grip, love.'

"I dont trust her anymore. I don't know where she is going in the day and am worried that baby is at her house and "involveed"" with her friends and chaotic home life."

Being a good nanny is not just about getting on with the children in your care. You have to be able to organise your day within the guidelines that your bosses set out. The duties that you want her to do don't seem too hard in my opinion and she certainly shouldn't be bringing her chaotic personal life into work with her. You are paying her to be at your house looking after your children not going home and doing her housework. Going for a walk and doing the odd personal errand is one thing but actually going home? She obviously has no respect for you and your husband and lies about what she has been doing so the trust has been lost on your side and the one thing you need when you employ a nanny is to trust her 100%. Sack her and employ someone who listens to your wishes and earns her salary.

I was a nanny for 15 years.

Likely scenario: she is taking your baby to her home whilst she does her housework or watches Jeremy Kyle (am making huge assumptions here but lets just assume she's not watching tapes of Newsnight and Question Time )

She's not making the lists/keeping on top of your household stuff because she's never in your house. Does she get on ok with the au pair - is there a jostle for who's in charge of whom?

She doesn't answer her mobile because she doesn't want background noise to give away where she is, or feels like you're checking up on her because you don't trust her (like, duh.)

Get rid. You will find another nanny who will love your baby so much she will actually take good care of him.

For what it's worth, your job sounds like a good one: I had 5 kids (from 2 families), 2 at full time school, one at nursery and two at home at one point without an au pair and I was NOT supernanny.

The Lady. It's out now in all good newsagents. A shit read, frankly, but get an ad in pdq.

PS not meaning to scare monger with the 'proper care' comment - was in ref to being out in freezing weather with chest infection.

Trust is more than just knowing someone won't hurt your child.
Ask the au pair what the nanny gets up to. Even if she isn't here they must talk to each other.

Oh my god. I would have called the police if my nanny disappeared with my baby for 5 hours. Get rid. Now

My first nanny left when ds1 was 14 months old (she went to help her parents run their business). Ds1 was absolutely fine - no problems at all.

I too was also a nanny for 15 years, it sounds like she is fitting your child into her life and doing things for herself.

I worked late till 7 most nights and to some degree had to do bits for myself too, but she sounds like she is taking the p.

GET RID!!!

Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorry. You seem to have your share of difficulties. I'm afraid I agree with the status quo here -- now there's a first.

I think Jura makes good points about the aspect of managing a nanny. You have to follow up and guide them into the job you want them to do, and that sometimes involves uncomfortable conversations. But, this nanny I feel has gone soo far that the relationship is beyond repair.

If my nanny was not contactable for 5 hours, I would not be happy. If she lied to me, I would pull her up on it. If I didn't/couldn't trust her anymore with my precious child who is not yet old enough to tell me about his/her day, I'd proceed to dismiss her.

Something to think about for the next one is perhaps a nanny diary. And perhaps put a list of chores up in the kitchen or maybe stick it in her welcome pack (if you do one).

PS How's the new job?

If you no longer trust her you must get rid of her for your own peace of mind. You want and need to know where your children are. I would be fumming if anyone disapeared with mine for 5 hours without phone contact.

HI Lisalisa
How are you doing these days, apart from crap nanny? I had to swear off mumsnet to get over my traumas about kids nannies work etc.

I was considering some sort of nanny-type arrangement again myself, but this one has reminded me why I don't want to try anymore! You need someone better obviously-I get the impression that there are more around at present but whether they are any good is the problem. [cross perplexed emoticon]

(Uwila, the BBC is looking for you if you don't already know. see MEDIA section about bad childcare choices.)

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Lisa,
Is there anything in the contract that allows for immediae dismissal? Like, say refusal to carry out your job (i.e. insubordinance)?

Majorstress,
Eh? The BBC is looking for me????? Think I better put my head down and get back to work...