how to stop mindee being left out - after school children Please advise

[alison222]

I have 5 after school children in the house 3 boys and 2 girls. The 2 girls (almost 4 and almost 5) are great frineds, as are the older boys (6) but the one in the middle (nearly 5) gets left out.
How do I persuade the others to include him as he is getting very upset when they dont play.
I have been talking to them about not leaving him out, and explaining how sad it makes him and getting them to imagine how they would feel. This does seem to work to an extent, but he tends to want to do different things, play board games and cheat - causing rows and needs an adult always present to solve disputes in thses games. or just not want to do what they are.
I do try to plan activities they can all do, but often he just says he doesnt want to do it wanders off and then gets upset he is by himself.
I am going to talk to his parents today as they are concerned too and am looking for ideas to move forwards to try to get around this

maybe playing a game with him yourself as he wont realise that 'cheating' is a biggy to the others..if your playing and having fun, the others will want to join in and maybe edge out after a while as they play together, but keep a hand in to keep the peace?good luck

How about making him your little helper? Maybe he'd like to help you make the evening meal?Set the table up?Give the drinks out and make him feel important! May not work tho.
Ask his parents what does he do at home? i.e computer/books etc
Some of my after schoolers like the play station and cebebbies/nick jnr website and if parents are more than happy for the kids to do this then that might help! With mine I have a system where they have 15mins each and take it in turns!
Do u have younger children too?

I have been playing with him, problem is that if I leave then they stop playing as he starts cheating.
He definately doesn't want to be my helper but craves the attention.

The thing is he wanders off and does his own thing then complains the others aren't playing too. Its hard to guage it.
He has a real thing for board games - but so many are for 4 and we have 5 children here, so at least 1 would be left out.
I tried board games today he sat down but ater 5 mins he got down said thats enough now and went to find something else to do.

I also have to have dinner on the table at 5 for them so the ones leaving earliest will have finished by 5.30 and so I can't always be playing games.

Its hard to know what to do for the best really

Completely sympathise with you on this one Have a similar thing myself, how long have you had him for? I am hoping my situation will settle down in a couple of weeks and its just someone new joining that everyone has to get used to. Like you I also have to have tea on table at 5 and sometimes dont get back from pick ups till 4 ish so not much time to play myself. I am thinking of doing a sticker chart for being kind to one and other and everytime I see/hear someone be kind they get a sticker and the one with the most at the end of the week gets a prize. Thats the theory anyway

I've had him form September.
Met with parents who were lovely. The dad was very realisitic - said although it's horrible for his DS at times, its a developmental phase and something he has to learn at some point (how to just join in himself that is) and an experience he wouldn't get at home as he is an only child very used to company of adults and often doesn't like what the other children are playing.

Mum was a bit less sure of this but felt reassured that he wasn't left on his own all the time - just soemtimes it happened and the day in question - which made us meet had been a bad one for him at school then with me so he was just having a particuarly bad day.

Hope your situation settles too

I have been speaking to the other children individually aboyut making sure no-one is ever left out unless they want to be IYSWIM, and am hoping things will settle down again.

I also found out he had had a particularly bad couple of weeks at school so this wasn't helping andthe teacher hadn'ttold me as I'm not the parent !!! Have since also spoken to the teacher and told her I need to know if he is upset or had a bad day - although not necessarily the details - just so I can deal appropriately at home.