Should I look for another CM?

[bandit99]

Looking for advice - I have 2 young children that go to a CM 3 days per week. I returned back to work in May. DS1 is always unhappy to go and now seems to worry about it beforehand (ie, doesn't just make a fuss when he is dropped off). DS2 seems to have picked up on this and cries in the car on the way. DS1 attends preschool and they have mentioned to me that he will start crying during the morning (for no reason) and they now struggle to get his coat on at the end of the session. I'm really worried about DS1 as I think he is too young to be worrying about things. He may have ASD and so needs a bit of routine/extra care and it may be the fact that 3 days isn't enough for him to settle? I've had chats with the CM, who reassures me that they are both fine as soon as we drop them off, but I'm not convinced. Is another CM the answer? Is it possible to get a CM to care for your children in your own house? If so, how do I find one?

I am not sure about why your eldest is worried about going. I take it he's not able to tell you himself?

If you would like to find another childminder www.childcarelink.gov is a good one - but I would hesitate to change unless you knew for sure this c/m was the problem. Which she might be..

I am sure not sure, but if it's a gut feeling that something is wrong then I would go with it.

Otherwise, a nanny in your own home?

May be a transition problem rather than the childminder. What to the preschool do to aid the transition? PECSing out his day might help so he knows what's coming (at home as well). Make sure you include a home PECS at the end of the day on the timetable though, or you may get a very worried litle boy.

Oh poor u bandit99 this must be very worrying for you. Have you questioned you ds's as to why they cry/dont want to go etc? Has your ds only started doing this at playschool since with new cm?? I would be worried too and u would automatically think it was the cm but this might not be the case. Ask the cm to keep a diary of you ds's days to get an idea what they are getting up too! Have you thought about getting a nanny as it might be more benificial in your case for you son to be in his home environment.THough im guessing nanny's are more expensive but dont quote me

DS1 has severe speech delay so its very difficult trying to get any information this way. Before I returned to work, he was really happy at the nursery - would skip there and then when I picked him up he would run over with a big smile and show me his pictures etc. Now, on the days that I pick him up, he stays sitting with the other children, with his eyes looking down and is reluctant to leave until he is quite sure that he is going home with me.

I think the problem maybe that the CM has her own two children and her oldest son always seems quite agressive to DS1 when we are there - he is about a year older than DS1. He seems quite a handful to me and sometimes DS1 says/does things that I know could only have been picked up from this boy - 'hate you' for example - DS1 doesn't know what it means but he knew that he shouldn't be saying it (could tell from the way he said it). I think that as he struggles to learn things anyway, another boy setting a bad example is not the best option.

It does sound as if he might benefit from some sort of visual timetable if he's not sure about when he's going home.

Have the nursery introduced that? Might help his anxiety.

IMO it sounds like he is not getting the care and encouragment he needs?, have you spoken to her re her son?, if your ds already has difficulty with his speech he may not be getting the help and support from your cm as she is dealing with other children/her children?..does she have experience dealing with speech difficulties?, i agree ask for a run down/diary of what happens through your ds's day, tell her hes unhappy and ask if she would know why?..poor thing

I had a situation like this with dd1 at nursery, nothing wrong with the nursery, but she was unhappy. In the end I moved her and she was like another child, so I'd say trust your instinct.

The worrying beforehand causes me concern. What is he worried about? Trying to establish that may be tricky, though one thing that could help is if you collected at random times - so that the CM isn't always expecting you and thus you may get to see more of what goes on while in CM's care.

However, collecting at random times disrupts routine and your DS1 may be far more settled when in a good routine, so he knows better regarding what is happening when.

Thus it is a tricky one. Can DS1 paint/draw sufficiently to help convey his feelings? Perhaps painting a picture of all the children at the minders, would help identify if there was an issue with a particular child for example.

Thanks for all of your advice - my gut feeling is that I should find another way for them to be looked after. In the meantime we will try a visual timetable (which is what the CM had suggested), as we haven't got anything to lose.

where are you? someone here may be able to help?

West Wiltshire

try here or ask for someone on here good luck