which of these nannies would you choose?

[Gemmitygem]

I just interviewed 2 nannies (the third one was definitely not for us)... Both seemed OK, which should I choose?

We're in Kazakhstan, so all the usual qualifications etc fly out of the window, and both nannies are ethnically Russians and speak Russian (which is fine by us). Our DS is 3 months old and I'm about to go back to work..

mumsnet jury please:

Nanny 1: positives: well-educated and well-spoken, a 'teacher' type, used to working for Westerners (e.g. not overdressing the baby etc), good refs from her previous American employers, very energetic, lots of playing and stimulation. Has a grown up son.

negatives: seemed quite nervy, wanted to talk not listen.. one thing I didn't like was she said of her former employer 'X didn't like them going without nappies, but I thought it was important so I would let them go without nappies and then put them back on before X got home.' This seemed a bit sneaky to me, cos I thought 'what will you be doing when I'm out of the house, then?'

Nanny 2: positives: seemed honest and genuine, maybe not as well educated, more traditional values, more mummyish, calm, not nervous, straightforward.

negatives: might not follow our routine, worked in institutional setting, might not play with and stimulate him that much.

which one would you choose? I am very non-intuitive and a bad judge of character at first meeting, that's the prob. I don't think either of them would be a bad choice, but want the best for DS...

I would go for mummyish and calm, especially for a 3 month old.

If she has worked in institutions I would think she will be very used to following routinues.

Maybe you could spend a week together before you go back to work so that she sees how you play/stimulate/spend time with ds?

I would not be happy with a nanny who sees it as acceptable to not do what the parents have requested and then hide that fact from them.

i'm with polly - like you said - what will she be doing or not doing when you are not there...

not sure I would want nervy around my wee one either. If she worked in an institutional setting - she might be more ready to follow your routine. honest and genuine would be important to me as well as straightforward.

agree with the others. If you're not sure could you spend more time with them?

Definately 2nd one. Wouldn't feel happy about the other one purely because I wold worry she was doing things differently when you were not there, and pretending otherwise.

2nd one - why do you think she won't follow your routine? why do you think she won't play as much?

At 3 months how much play do they need? Everything is learning and playing at that age. So long as she is talking to him, the play will probably follow (I think?)

I would say the 2nd one too out of those choices. It might be worth looking around a bit more though to make sure you get the right one although 2nd one sounds nice.

2

thanks for your advice!

think you're right wrigglejiggle, I tend to be a bit of an overstimulating kind of mum 'where's the mousie? here it is! Where's its nose?' etc etc., whereas DH is much more 'let the kid discover things for itself', hopefully together we're good parents, but I agree, the nanny needn't do that much beyond talk to him nicely and play with him a little bit, which I think number 2 would. she might not follow the routine, as she is quite 'old school', but then number 1 might just pretend to follow it and have her own agenda just as much, and at least number 2 seems totally honest. It's so hard!

my gut feeling (which I never trust) is number 2.. anyway will check all their refs and let you know how I get on. thanks again!

Out of the 2 I'd say 2nd one as she seems more honest and as you say 'mumyish' which is a good thing.

Maybe you should just gently suggest to her that you'd love her to play and stimulate your son and give suggestions as to how.

Lots of nannies I know write the days events in a diary so you can see what she's done/not done and suggest things from that.

'mummyish'

Think that No 2 sounds better as more honest but what about a 2nd interview where they come for 2-3 hours and you see them interact with your children.

hmm, yes, could do 2nd interview. They both spent about an hour and a half playing with DS, nanny 1 was much more actively playing with him, in fact she was wearing me out! nanny 2 was more cuddling him and letting me take the lead. she would definitely not be so actively trying to stimulate him. but then he gets enough of that from me, I think. I had a very stimulating mum and then other much calmer relatives who looked after me a lot and let me get on with it, and it definitely made me a bit calmer.. (though not very!

Basically I think I will ask 2 to do it and hope that 1 can jump in if it all goes horribly wrong.. and maybe get 2 in for a trial day or two before she's due to start, to confirm my good impression of her..

I haven't read all the replies but I once had a nanny like nanny1 and I must urge you not to go down that road. She meant well, but she thought she knew better than I did. And she did as she pleased and not as I instructed. It absolutley infuriated me. If you want to know how I was feeling search the threads for posts from me in April/May 2005.

Nanny2 sounds pretty good. Mind if I ask what you do in Kazakhstan. Sounds very interesting....

Also there is another mumsnetter currently in Kaz adopting a baby and she speaks very highly of the carers so I wouldn't be too quick to write someone off on the basis that she has worked in an "institution". It might mean she is used to working for someone and so will be willing to follow you instruction.

Can I just add that one of the things I have learned as I get older is to always trust my gut feelings.
I used, like you to believe that i was very non-intuitive but time and again i have realised with hind sight that my first intsincts/ gut feelings were the ones to go with.

ok, well we've hired nanny 2 for now, she came round again today and DH liked her as well: so will see how it goes. I liked her even more the second time.. She will also cook us a big Russian stew twice a week which I'm looking forward to, as can't see myself being that up for cooking after work and baby's bedtime.. see how we get on then!

Oh come on... so what do you do in Kaz?

Goodluck with the nanny! I'm sure you'll be back for support now and then.

hiya: I manage aid projects funded by the EU...
mostly in public health and education..

The EU funds projects in Kaz?

Sounds interesting. I was in Atyrau Kaz last year for business (oil industry). But you are probably somewhere a bit more developed, like Almaty.

Gosh, it must be interesting organising childcare in a foreign land.

yes, eu funds about 50 m euro per year in kaz..
am in almaty, so is fairly posh. nanny search has been fun but think the one we chose is ok; she doesn't believe there is such a thing as cot death though, so wasn't convimced about putting him on his back etc...

haven't been to atyrau yet.. all oil stuff I spose...

Much better in a foreign land. When we lived in Asia we had a full-time nanny for 150 pounds a month including on tap babysitting. And she made dinner every day, not twice a week! Those were the days....

£150 / month... oh wouldn't that be nice!

Yes, Atyrau is all about the quest for Oil. It is litereally where East meets West. It is actually a very nice peaceful place as far as Oil industry locaations go. I'd like to go back some time. Perhaps when the weather is warmer I'll volunteer for another trip to Kaz.

Anyway, good luck with the nanny. Feel free to come on here for support if you need (and most people do).

Nanny 2.