Are my employers being unfair?

[JonasRose]

Hi everyone! I'm new to this so please bare with.. I've been a nanny to two lovely young boys for the past year and have got along well with the parents. I work 50 hours a week, although most weeks I end up staying late and bite my tongue every time without fail.
In September 2015 my dear Nan whom I was incredibly close to past away at the grand age of 89.. I was distraught by this and told my employers I needed some time to myself. Not including the day she passed away, I was given one day off paid. I suggested I would have liked more time but they went on about alternative childcare and their workloads to the point where I felt too bad to not come in. With bloodshot and puffy eyes I came in.

I have been ill over the year for just 4 days, (2 days on 2 different occasions) where I was hospitalised, and 3 days with a fractured ankle after which I ended up coming in on crutches for weeks with no complaints.

This Monday just gone my only cousin just 26 years of age passed away unexpectedly when some surgery went wrong and caused a horrendous infection in her body and blood. I was off on Monday at the hospital with my family and after she past away I let my employers know I needed some time to myself, to which they replied "Sorry for your loss. See you Wednesday." I was shocked and didn't reply until Tuesday afternoon when I informed them I was not ready just yet to come back so soon and apologised repeatedly for the inconvenience.. After this I received a long paragraph stating money difficulties in paying me for days off and paying for alternative childcare and that they would no longer be paying for any bereavement days off and no more SSP. Once again they also made a point of their workloads and now that I need to be on Thursday.

My sister is a nanny and her family have been much more accommodating and understanding. I suppose a second opinion is what I'm after. Thanks in advance!

peggy being a nanny is so far removed from the employment situation you've described.

but she is taking no more sick leave than the national average - type of job makes no difference to the stats.

Peggy she's had 13 days off in 1 year. And wanted even longer for the grieving. That's a lot.

But the type of job does make a difference- if you're a nanny and sick, it really does leave your employers in the lurch and I don't think they were 'harrasing' as such, they needed clear communication as to exactly what was going on because setting up childcare arrangements last minute with no clear timeframe to work with is a pretty arduous task I imagine.

It's not the same as being employed in an office at all. Same goes for leave- yes there should be give and take both sides but part of being a good nanny is learning the art of flexibility and compromise, though of course that has to work both ways.

And your company's sickness policy is so, so, far removed from any company I've ever even heard existed, nevermind worked for.

Well I'm going against the grain too, I think they're being quite mean irrespective of what they're "legally" entitled to do. There has to be a human element too surely.

And your company's sickness policy is so, so, far removed from any company I've ever even heard existed, nevermind worked for

really? I think its normal because ive worked here for so long. my DP works for another international company but his policy is nearly the same as mine. I don't think it is unusual for big companies.

13 days off... Yabu. I lost my aunt who raised me and went to work the next day. Sorry but you need to sort yourself out. Any of my employees having that huge amount of time off would be facing disaplinary action at least, under two years employment and id sack them. Business is business no matter what issue is going on in your home life.

peggyundercrackers - your company policies are definitely not normal

msgrinch - I agree with you !

Hmmmm sits firmly on the fence

On one hand I think they are not being unreasonable - you have had a lot of time off for various reasons and each time they need to find cover and /or pay double

Most companies only give compassionate leave for immediate family and cousin/nan isn't included so the fact you have had several days off they are being fair

When my husband died my employers give me 3 weeks paid leave. I then wanted to go back and they said take more bless them - but I went back then as needed too for my sanity

I also had 3 weeks off in same job 4yrs earlier due to a blood clot that went to my lung and collapsed it and in hospital for 2 weeks

Slightly different circumstances in both cases to you're but my employers were amazing

Holidays - never had a request denied. Think contract says as long as they get 6 weeks notice of my dates

Would bug me big time to be told no / and as callaird knows I can't believe her bosses find it hard to give time off - even with notice

Yes our employers have busy times at work but nannies are entitied to their /our holiday

Db at home. As annoying as it may be at times - you are paid to do a job regardless if he is there or not and none of your business if he's in bed or not etc

Sorry for your losses

Blondes I have a week booked in June, booked October last year and I now have 2 weeks in November even though we don't know the dates I need just yet! Granny has booked 4 weeks out in her diary and MB has booked 4 weeks of phone/video meetings and will work from home. Let's hope s/he doesn't decide to hang on in there for 2 weeks!

I also have 3 weeks off in August! Can't really complain.

Some people are saying that the OP should have taken the grieving days off as holiday, but one of the problems is that the employer is being inflexible about holidays, and I doubt this would be granted.
I can see things from both sides. As someone who is rarely off from work (teaching), its annoying when people are off a lot. However, sometimes times come along when bad things happen in a succession, and more days off might be needed. A nanny is no different to anyone else - if you are genuinely ill, you shouldn't be harassed by your employer.

The Dad has the right to do what he wants in his own house. HOWEVER, you signed up for a sole charge job, not for shared charge, and I can see why you don't like your boss being around all the time. It really sounds like you might be better off looking for another, sole charge, job.