Mother's help, help please!

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

We have started the search for someone to help me with childcare and a few chores and had a couple of people interested who we are meeting with next week.

Background: 3 kids, 2 with special needs. We are looking for support for the first few months of pregnancy of a planned child not yet conceived. I get very sick so we are trying to plan ahead.

My questions are as follows:

1. if we are employing someone to help me and I will always be in the house (albeit over a toilet/comatose) what do we call them? Is mother's help ok when it will be a maximum of 10 hours a week on a short term basis?

2. do we need to register as employers/declare our outgoings to anyone/pay tax and NI? If so are Nanny Tax worth going with?

3. we are waiting on a decision on DS's DLA renewal. If it gets declined (his needs have not changed I'm just being paranoid) there's no way we could afford to pay for help with childcare. Should I be upfront about this or keep schtum?

4. my gut feeling is if we think we've found the right person to be straight about our reason for needing them (that I intend to fall pregnant) however I don't usually tell anyone until I'm 12 weeks (just suffer terribly on my own before that) - is that sensible or am I missing a reason not to tell?

Any help very much appreciated

Ooh and any tips for interview questions?

Can I suggest a doula? Quite a lot do ante natal and post natal work. Often happy to do short term contracts and a limited number of hours per week. I had a post natal doula and she was amazing. She looked after my eldest but also me. If you might have horrendous HG you might need some nuturing. You can advertise on the doula UK website. I would be upfront about funding and reason (but that's me)!

1. Yes mother help is fine as a job title given you are around all the time.
2. IF it is their only income and you pay less than £112 per week (but pay minimum of National Mnimum Wage) then you do not have to register as an employer. If not their only job you will need to register and may need to deduct income tax from their gross pay.

Some payroll companies offer 6 month subscription and some even do monthly. Watch out for hidden charges such as fee for producing P45. NannyPaye and NannyTax are the largest providers so probably best to compare those - look at websites over this weekend, call during the week and have a chat.

1. What conditions are social services/DWP put on the use of DLA. They may require that the helper is registered/approved (in England that would mean registered with Ofsted). They may insist on carrying out an interview, as a carer of a disabled child I had to attend a meeting with social services before providing care.

I would be upfront about the role being temporary.

duckstar I'm put off a doula for a few reasons - I'd like someone to get to know myself and the children before I'm even pregnant, special needs experience is pretty important to me and also I hate the idea of someone muscling in on my labour! DH and I make a pretty good team in that area and I don't want or need anyone else involved. It would be nice to be nurtured postnatally though (it should be the norm in fact) so I may consider it later down the line thank you.

NannyNick it will very likely be a second job for someone. Will have a look at the websites, thank you for replying.

Not sure why you are meeting people now. I would research and wait till you know likely start and finish dates.

Oh really? As far as I know there are no rules on how the money is spent. I meant more like HMRC but you answered that further up.

We would like to start someone in the next few weeks so the children are comfortable with them before I get pregnant so they don't get 2 bombshells dropped at once. We plan on increasing hours once I'm pregnant as that's the time I need the help

Local authorities differ I guess. This was in Hampshire and was some years ago now. Hope they are less restrictive these days. Do check.

Finding the right person is important. You will instinctively know when you have found someone your children like - I had a 4yr old (on autistic spectrum) sit on me, he usually would keep well away from adults, especially men.

Find someone who understands what help you need, who will work with you.

My doula worked with me not just in post natal period. With my second child she came during pregnancy and helped with eldest as I was exhausted. She did school runs etc. I didn't employ her for the labour.

No offence but if you've only just noticed they can't be of great importance to you or your little family?

Concentrate on those who do bother to get to know him :)

Excuse me.... Wrong thread

From my own experience, it might be nice to keep the mother's help on permanently if you can afford. Eg for a regular babysitting night or emergency cover for hospital appointments. We have two nannies and two childminders that we employ (or use now and again) to cover every emergency!!! The more people that can help you with childcare, the better

That's a good point thank you, I will bare it in mind

I have a GDD son aged 5, a 3 year old and a 10 week old and have tried to do the same. I couldn't find a post natal doula that would do the work or drive, my first nanny who had been on benefits for years and not the most ideal candidate but the only candidate bailed on me last second in the holidays as she could not accept the hours (despite knowing this in a trial pre birth). My current nanny hardly ever turns up or is always late when she does. She is on her second warning. I can't make appointments or tell the kids she is coming as my eldest gets disappointed very badly . I have limited Childcare options because of eldest's needs but no nanny had a clue about SEN. I have found the iPad and TV to be better help than the hired help. It's been a huge waste of my time and money. Also you can spend DLA on anything but I think there are restrictions on Direct Payments. (which we don't get) . Good luck.