Am I right to be upset?

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We have a childminder that looks after our DD (coming up for 3) and has for the last few mths, really p'd me off!

This is why:

1. Said that in her opinion, our DD has learning difficulties as DD didn't have the intelligence to ask for the toilet (at the time this little gem happened, DD was only 2.6 & I was not toilet training at this stage as I felt DD wasn't ready)
2. Has told me when she thinks I should take DD to the Dr's - mainly for coughs and colds and has even said that she won't have DD if she has a cold on occasion
3. I have been trying to potty train over the last couple of weeks and for week 1, I was at home with her and we did really well and got to the point where there were no accidents apart from when we went out and she didn't make it to the loo in time. Week 2 has been with the C/M and it's been nothing but accidents. The C/M has said that she actually asked what DD wears at home (knickers or nappies?). DD replied nappies - not the truth but then she is only 2. So, I was looked at like I was making the whole thing up. C/M then went on to say that when she mentions going to the loo, DD looks at her like she has no idea what the C/M means. Point 4) She has texted DH a couple of times to say that we have been 75p (or something so tiny, can't she mention this in person?!) short in what we've paid her. Is this a big deal? Point 5) C/M is expecting her 1st child this year and is only taking 2 weeks off. She also plans to work right up to birth. I have tried to ask what would happen if she goes into labour whilst with the kids but she's OK because she has a relative that lives locally so can always call on them. This isn't realistic surely?!

I started off angry but now I am so upset. I find all of the remarks a personal attack and feel like all the usual insecurities I have as a Mum are actually right - should I really be taking little one to the Dr's for a cold? Why does she not believe me that when I took DD to the Dr's for conjunctivitus, he told me the best thing to do was just bathe the eyes with warm water (C/M medical knowledge suggests that the Dr was wrong - why wasn't I given antibiotics?). I feel like I am lying about things when I am telling the truth and have done nothing but cry about the situation for 3 days.

So - do you agree with why I am upset or be honest - am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Does she only have 1 mindee? (your dd?)

How friendly are you? perhaps she thinks you's are friendly enough that she can say what she's thinking. Have to say, I don't agree with her saying she thinks your dd has learning diffs...

Your cm should really be supporting you a lot more! I think there really is a personality clash here, is it possible to find someone else more supportive?

Also, I agree completely with the possibility of going into labour, a valid concern there.

It sounds like to me you are better looking elsewhere. No one should make you feel like this.

I think you are right to be upset about what she has said. She has no right to question you as a mum especially as you seem to be doing everything right. You can only get antibiotics for conjunctivitus if it is bacterial but most of the time it is viral so pointless having antibiotics.

Personally I think your CM should be taking more than 2 weeks off as she needs to adjust to life with a tiny baby before having others around especially as it is her first.

She has another 2 kids to look after and as a FT working Mum and a DH who works away I am taking the most responsibility and whilst I have an understanding employer, I cannot afford to take time off everytime DD has a cold/cough!

I am nice person (honest!) and I go out of my way to accomodate others and it normally takes me a long time to get so wound up but I am at that point. A friend and DH has suggested I talk to the C/M about how I am feeling but I know that when I get started I won't finish and how can I put these things across without verbally attacking her & her ability (or should I not care at this point?!)

Just want to add that I did also say to her that I didn't feel that 2 weeks off after a first born is realistic (would you want to look after 3 other children on 2 hours sleep day after day?) and that maybe she should take longer off but that was rejected as the baby will probably sleep a lot in the day anyway!

I have tried to excuse her comments as she is young and doesn't have her own kids to learn from but to be honest I just give up!

I need a supportive C/M that will help and be positive!

Message withdrawn

sounds a bit of a text book cm to me
ie: child should feed themselves by x mths
child should be toilet trained by x yrs
child should talk by x mths
etc etc

what r you going to do concerning time off when her baby is born as she cant tell you which two weeks she will be having off

i love her medical knowledge i alway think why doctors recepionist are not doctors as they are alway able to advise you better

if your not 100% i would look around for a diff childcarer as each week things will festure

as a nanny i would say some children taek longer than others, but if she has the idea at home with you, mayb shes just to invloved with activities to ask.

also if she goes in early labour, is this other person cually insured to have the chidren, i personally wouldnt be happy about this.......... and 2 weeks after birth, what happens if its a c section, as then many things she may find diffcult afterwards

I don't think I was even mentally conscious after having my first baby, let alone competent to work.

If I was underpaid, I would also just add it to the next bill.

Potty training is something which the parents and I discuss and decide on together, but have to say that I have minded children who are competent with parents, but do the opposite with me, or vice versa. I still wouldn't dream of telling a parent that their child didn't "have the intelligence". That's really unaccepable.

Most childminders will accept children with minor coughs and colds.

Would you consider looking for another (nice) childminder, as this one is clearly bonkers?

your obviously very unhappy with your cm so i think maybe its time to start looking round for another!
i think its disgusting that your cm suggests your ds has learning difficulties how very dare she!
as a cm i have on occasion suggested that a mindee may need the doctors but not for a cough or cold............a temp of 40 maybe!!
i also more often than not communicate with mindees parents thro text altho i dont think iw ould have worried about 75p!!
as for taking 2 weeks off after having her first child................................the womans mad!!

Telling you that your child has learning difficulties is out of order. Who does she think she is? Get another cm for that reason. I have to say however that as a self employed person having to pay her own bills, and feed her own kids etc that she has the right to ask for the money if she has been underpaid. The amount is irrelevant. You are in breach of contract by not paying her the correct amount. I wouldnt add it to my next bill as The Prisoner does.

she's young and doesn't have her own children yet?

so her experience is probably a 4 day course, and whatever children she has looked after in her youth

she is patently not experienced enough to be offering advice particularly the first 3

I think she's wrong on all counts EXCEPT the money thing .. you SHOULDN'T get that wrong its a contractual obligation

I'd find someone with more experience / maturity

isyhan, I don't think it was the fact that she asked for the money, it was more the fact that she didn't just add it, like you say to the next bill. To text and say for a measily amount costs a big chunk out of a little money!!

Agree she is completely mad. I would take the opportunity now to find another CM. What other experience did she have pre CM?

Oh dear! - sympathies. I do think you need to start looking elsewhere for another childminder

hi there
change your CM.
YOU ARE HIS MOTHER YOU KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG FOR YOUR LITTLE ONE.
I AM SURE THERE ARE LOTS OF GOOD CHILDMINDERS OUT.

L@@K FOR ANOTHER CHILDMINDER

That women is mad - Im sure she will grow up and change her views when she has a child of her own....she hasnt a clue.
Have you thought that maybe your dd is not happy in her environment and that is the problem to her not picking up on potty training esp as she did good with you!

Where R u too Hun - Mayb a CM on here can help or recommend!