Concerns with family member watching child

[Mumof1baby]

I need advice on a difficult situation. I have an aunt who offered to watch my baby boy a few times a week once I go back to work. My mum already planned on watching him full time. I have been avoiding talking about it/committing to anything every time she asks because I am concerned about her ability to care for my baby. She is extremely obese and I am worried about her mobility and the physical demands of caring for a baby. I dont feel she could bend/lift/carry him safely and its causing me alot of anxiety because I dont want to hurt her feelings but I dont want to put my baby in an unsafe situation. She also does not know much about babies and does not have any experience being alone with one. Avoiding her offers (its getting almost to her insisting at this point) is not working anymore. I am very lucky to be in this situation, I know finding childcare can be difficult both financially and emotionally for many, and that is another part of the reason this is so difficult for me to address, I feel that I am being ungrateful. I don't want to hurt het feelings, does anyone have advice or is anyone in a similar situation? Thank you

I need advice on a difficult situation. I have an aunt who offered to watch my baby boy a few times a week once I go back to work. My mum already planned on watching him full time. I have been avoiding talking about it/committing to anything every time she asks because I am concerned about her ability to care for my baby. She is extremely obese and I am worried about her mobility and the physical demands of caring for a baby. I dont feel she could bend/lift/carry him safely and its causing me alot of anxiety because I dont want to hurt her feelings but I dont want to put my baby in an unsafe situation. She also does not know much about babies and does not have any experience being alone with one. Avoiding her offers (its getting almost to her insisting at this point) is not working anymore. I am very lucky to be in this situation, I know finding childcare can be difficult both financially and emotionally for many, and that is another part of the reason this is so difficult for me to address, I feel that I am being ungrateful. I don't want to hurt het feelings, does anyone have advice or is anyone in a similar situation? Thank you

Will she not just accept that you have plans for the care of your son? You don't need to tell her what those plans are, though she may find out. Thank her for her kind offer but be forceful in telling her that you have care in place.

Yes, that's the problem she won't accept that I already have childcare arranged :( When she first brought the idea up, which was right after I told her I was pregnant, I nicely said thank you for the offer but my mum is going to watch him and she would be the first person I called if I needed someone to watch him... now I'm just avoiding because I don't know how else to keep saying no in a nice way. I'm worried she is going to ask why...she lives alone so I'm thinking she is maybe just lonely but she's not taking no for an answer.

You need to be firm! This is your DS. I know you don't want to hurt her, but the fact she isn't experienced is reason enough to not want to leave him there without bringing her mobility and obesity into it. No easy answer unfortunately.

Well, no wonder she keeps asking, if you keep avoiding talking about it

Just tell her - 'thanks for offering, it's so kind and I really do appreciate it, but it's all sorted that my Mum is going to have him and we think we'd like to keep everything consistent for his all the time I'm at work" , then change the subject.

Stick to your guns, bub comes first. If she's lonely maybe plan a regular visit to her or if your mum is on that side of the family tree they could pop over once in a while. Worst case tell her that your mum would be really disappointed if she wasn't doing it. And maybe even chat to your mum about it if you haven't already x

^^ as nanny nick said.
Would aunt be interested in babysitting for a night out when babba is in bed?

Thank you everyone, I will stick to my guns and be strong! Hugs!