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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder using car

82 replies

Marghitx · 29/03/2016 11:40

I’d like some advice on the following situation as it was not the best return to work this morning! Sorry in advance for the long post :)
We are very happy with our child-minder and most importantly, our daughter is. From the start she gave us a choice if we were happy for her to use her car to go around with the kids (3 in total) but we never felt comfortable so we never allowed it. This has never been a problem for 1 year. Today all of a sudden she’s giving us the choice: either we allow her to use her car when and how she wants, or she’s giving us the standard 1 month notice and she won’t work for us anymore. I’m a bit upset because this sounds a lot like blackmail to me .. She also said she’s not entitled to tell us beforehand she’s taking the car (but I’d like to know where my daughter is during the day!). We are not entirely comfortable of giving the authorisation and we feel like we’ve been forced in a situation we’re not happy about. We tried to comprise, asking the grandparents to take over when she needs to use the car. In this way we felt we won’t restrict the other children either. We spoke about it with her but she won’t budge. Am I being too unreasonable? To me it sounds like she wants the car to go around, meeting with other childminders, probably run some errands. I don’t really see the point in having the car as there are several children’s groups were we live, two big parks, so the children are perfectly happy walking everywhere.
Thanks ..

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HSMMaCM · 29/03/2016 20:34

Please talk to your cm and let her reassure you about safety.

Maryann1975 · 29/03/2016 22:23

Yabvu. Today, I've piled the children into the car and taken them to the national trust forest, we've walked about two miles round there, had a paddle in the stream, played pooh sticks, had a snack, watched the birds, discussed the changing seasons and the trees, got quite muddy, got in the car and come home again. We couldn't have walked there, it's too far and there is no public transport there. No way would I want to look after a child whose parents didn't trust me to take them in the car for fun outings like this morning. Luckily I look after children who belong to parents like the previous poster who don't care where I take their children as long as they are back by 5pm. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think you either have to make your peace with the car thing or give notice and move to a nursery.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 29/03/2016 22:38

Marg what is your issue with her using the car? Is it road safety or is it not knowing exactly where she is at all times?

AlisonWunderland · 30/03/2016 08:06

Would it be ok if your Cm took your DD on a horse instead?

squashtastic · 30/03/2016 09:50

YANBU to not be happy with your child being ferried about by the cm. But she is also not unreasonable to change the terms and it's not black mail. She can't keep things the same for one child if it is hugely inconvenient for her.

Eastie77 · 31/03/2016 10:55

I thank my lucky stars DD's CM has a car. Today's planned outing to a local adventure park would have been cancelled otherwise as the Overground train which goes there is not running in this part of London so luckily my CM can take her there in the car. She also picks DD up and occasionally drops her home.

Unless you feel your CM is a dangerous driver I don't see what the issue is?

I would personally prefer DD to be out and about with the CM, even running errands, vs sitting in one nursery room at this point (she is 2.5) but that is just my own preference.

sephineee · 31/03/2016 11:11

Ok I stand corrected - at pre school year at our nursery they do trips.

Do other peoples do car trips prior to this?

Anyway, surely OP wont object to car trips with someone else at age 4..?!

yetanotherdeskmove · 31/03/2016 11:40

I was fine with my cm meeting up with other cms and running errands. One of the nice things about cms is that it's home from home. I am sure you meet up with friends and run errands? A trip to the post office or the local shop is fun for little ones, well mine like it anyway!
I'd be pissed of if she'd done a full supermarket shop but other than that it's all good I think.
Is it the safety you are worrying about or do you think by doing other things she's slacking and not looking after your dd properly?

catsinthecraddle · 31/03/2016 20:02

I completely agree with all the above apart from the She might want to run errands, like normal family life and is restricted and would like her weekends back.

ahem, no I am afraid. CM are being paid to look after the kids, and all the CM I know organise their days around the children, they don't get paid to get their chores done!

To clarify: it's perfectly normal for a CM to deal with her paperwork (or anything else) during nap time, but I wouldn't be too happy if the kids were plonked in front of the TV to give her the space to do her paperwork.

gamerchick · 31/03/2016 20:29

Maybe the other parents are twisting their kids are doing the same old shit all of the time and would like some varity. If you want to dictate then maybe some other form of childcare would suit best for you.

You are being so unreasonable it's edging into twilight zone territory.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 31/03/2016 20:38

cats I think she meant more goto the shops, post letters at the post office, return library books, all of which are great things for the kids to get involved with and experience. My eldest loved a trip to the supermarket as a tot

BackforGood · 31/03/2016 20:42

I suspect you've got the message now but another one here saying YAB V U

I turned down a CM for the reason of her not having a car.
Also, When I'm at work, I've always actually been working, I wouldn't expect to be able to tract my dc during the day . YABU about that too. You have to find childcare that you trust, and then you have to give them the autonomy to be able to get on with doing their job.

hookiewookie29 · 03/04/2016 19:43

I'm a Childminder and sometimes...especially in the holidays....I can have six or seven children. They'd all kill each other if we didn't get out! I drive a minibus. I have the appropriate business insurance, car seats etc and consider myself a very safe driver ( not one accident in 29 years of driving). I use the minibus for school and preschool runs, day trips, going to the park, and, yes, visiting other childminders cos it can be a lonely old job otherwise! In my area there is very little to do when you have children. My bus is mine, and the childrens, lifeline and I could not work with a parent who would expect me to not use it and therefore prevent other children from getting out and about.

NerrSnerr · 03/04/2016 20:15

Is she allowed out in the car at other times, do you drive her? Other people?

I think she is being fair. The other children may be missing out on groups, days out or other experiences.

Blueberry234 · 03/04/2016 20:21

I loved the fact my CM drove my children, it meant they could have some really great days out at the zoo, NT properties and not do the same things every week. YABU unless you have some sort of bizarre travel phobia?

Figgygal · 03/04/2016 20:23

You are totally unreasonable in this if I was another parent who's children's experiences were being limited by your restrictions on the cm using her car I'd be livid with you (and her tbh for agreeing to such nonsense in the first place).

What is your issue?

Start using a nursery my ds is now at one having been at a cm and they are in the same location 99% of the time then you can refuse consent on the couple of times a year they want to take the children (yours included) somewhere to broaden their experiences.

Borntobeamum · 05/04/2016 19:17

Oh my words!
The majority of childminders I know use cars. I have a 7seater and a few have minibuses.
It seems to be the 'norm' around here and those minders who do not drive are always eager to buddy up when possible during the holidays and take trips away to local farms, parks, ice cream parlour etc.
Parents love the trips I take the kiddies on!!
So, in my opinion, YABVU.
Oh, and she doesn't work for you. She provides a service and I can only imagine she will be happy to receive a months notice from you!

hydrangea78 · 05/04/2016 19:30

I think it's brilliant my childminder feels confident to get out and about with the babies and toddlers in the car. They visit farms, castles, soft play, other CM groups.. why would you not want this?

JugglingBabies · 13/04/2016 13:28

Whaaaaaat!!! OP is totally entitled to her own opinion. But I'm sure the parents of other children the CM looks after must be a bit peeved that their kids can't get out and do fun things during the day, that would require a car journey!

What's going to happen when your child is eventually in after school care? Presumably you will then collect her? As even a nursery/crèche would have to drive to school to get her!

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2016 14:03

Yabvu

You use a cm and agree to her terms. She chooses what she does. You don't not control her

She is not blackmailing you. She is giving you a choice - same as if she got a puppy. She wants one. You decide if you want dd there

If you want to dictate you Employ a nanny - you may find tho that hard to find one that is happy not to drive - unless get a non driver

No way would I accept a job that I couldn't drive. I have turned down ones that have said this

Treeskater · 13/04/2016 14:32

When my DC were with their wonderful CM she would take them and collect them from preschool too. What are your plans for when your DD is old enough for preschool? I presume your CM lives within handy walking distance from the preschool of your choice? Or do you intend to take her and pick her up yourself? Hope your job is flexible enough for that! I agree with PPs, nursery really does sound like a better option for you.

IceMaiden73 · 02/05/2016 07:40

She is not blackmailing you, she is advising you that she cannot provide the original service any longer and giving you the choice.

She is not employed by you, she is self employed offering a service to you

What is your objection to her using a car?

Emerton70 · 02/05/2016 16:44

Hi I am also a childminder who agreed to not using my car at the beginning of caring for a child but it restricted me so much and it is not fair on the other children I was caring for. It is so nice to be able to use the car to go to other parks and farms. Would never agree to any terms set by parents again .

AgingJuvenileBinkyHuckaback · 02/05/2016 16:54

I've always thought that MN tended to be completely irrational when it came to the safety of car journeys, but this takes the biscuit.

OP, you do realise that a mile by car is ten times safer than a mile on foot don't you? Seriously, if safety is your primary concern then you should be banning her from ever crossing the road on foot. I'm speaking as a confirmed non-driver here, and I know you're better off walking for long term health - but I have no illusions about the fact that my decisions to do the school run on foot rather than by car increases my DCs' risk of instant death noticeably.

Willow2016 · 03/05/2016 23:06

As a cm I wouldnt be able to do my job without a car! I would be restricted to pick ups and drop offs at out local primary, no nurseries as they are all outwith walking distance (no public transport), no trips to the beach park, harbour, etc etc. I also pick up my own kids from high school by car so mindees have to come with me then too.

I also do work through family services/supported childminding which means picking up and dropping off kids whose parents dont have a car, other kids have to come too, cant leave them at home!

How crazy to say your kids cant go in a car, how is the cm supposed to cater for other kids with this restriction. You are lucky she agreed in the first place but now she realises she needs the car for whatever reason, perfectly acceptable. She cant lose out on money or activities due to the demands of one parent.

She has given you notice that she is changing the terms of her contract and its up to you to agree or look elsewhere. She can give notice if you dont accept the new terms of her business.

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