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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder using car

82 replies

Marghitx · 29/03/2016 11:40

I’d like some advice on the following situation as it was not the best return to work this morning! Sorry in advance for the long post :)
We are very happy with our child-minder and most importantly, our daughter is. From the start she gave us a choice if we were happy for her to use her car to go around with the kids (3 in total) but we never felt comfortable so we never allowed it. This has never been a problem for 1 year. Today all of a sudden she’s giving us the choice: either we allow her to use her car when and how she wants, or she’s giving us the standard 1 month notice and she won’t work for us anymore. I’m a bit upset because this sounds a lot like blackmail to me .. She also said she’s not entitled to tell us beforehand she’s taking the car (but I’d like to know where my daughter is during the day!). We are not entirely comfortable of giving the authorisation and we feel like we’ve been forced in a situation we’re not happy about. We tried to comprise, asking the grandparents to take over when she needs to use the car. In this way we felt we won’t restrict the other children either. We spoke about it with her but she won’t budge. Am I being too unreasonable? To me it sounds like she wants the car to go around, meeting with other childminders, probably run some errands. I don’t really see the point in having the car as there are several children’s groups were we live, two big parks, so the children are perfectly happy walking everywhere.
Thanks ..

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/03/2016 15:07

I'm confused, why don't you allow your DD to travel in a car?!

How miserable to spend all her time at the CMs hpuse or walking locally, when she could be out exploring new farms, parks etc

I am with the CM, if you insist she cannot go in the car I'd also give you notice so I could offer your DD's place to another child who's parents aren't odd were more open to the idea of fun and adventure

SymphonyofShadows · 29/03/2016 15:10

I wonder if it's the other parents that are getting fed up with OP's restrictions? The CM would probably be happier to lose the OP's DC than the other 2. I would be pissed off if I were paying for my child to be at a CM and some other parent acted in such an entitled manner.

FakeFakeRecordsRecords · 29/03/2016 15:11

What's the problem with using a car??

Bringiton2016 · 29/03/2016 15:13

Whaaat????

RudeElf · 29/03/2016 15:18

What? That is quite ridiculous. I am assuming your CMer has no other mindees right now? I'm amazed she asked you for permission beyond a tick on the contract. You are ridiculius to withold permission and should really have sought other childcare. How on earth do you expect her to do trips out of town or shopping or emergency trips if necessary? Or do you expect her to sit at home all day with 3 DC?

CauliflowerBalti · 29/03/2016 15:22

Doesn't sound like a childminder is the right childcare option for you. My son is minded and I'd be furious if he didn't get to go on trips out because one of the other parents forbids car use. I chose a childminder BECAUSE of the trips.

My childminder would also have no time for a parent that wants an hour by hour update of where her child is. I know that for some parents this is important, but that's what a nursery is for. Or a nanny. Not a childminder.

NoDramaForThisLlama · 29/03/2016 15:24

Yabvu. I'm surprised the childminder hadn't given you notice before now tbh. Not being able to travel by car is so restricting for her day and stops her taking advantage of opportunities at other play centres, country parks or whatever that are too far to walk as well as restricting her ability to care for children who might need pick up and drop offs at different schools and preschools at various points in the day.

longdiling · 29/03/2016 15:25

If you've been happy with her for a year then you're being very unfair to read such sinister motives into a change of policy. She's blackmailing you?! She probably just wants to meet up with other childminders?! Her agreeing to not use a car for an entire year has been extraordinarily helpful to you. How about you give her the benefit of the doubt here and try not to read anything unpleasant into her motives? Perhaps she would be willing to work with you in helping you overcome your anxiety about the car. If not then find a nursery but don't give the poor woman a hard time.

RudeElf · 29/03/2016 15:25

Maybe i'm a shitty parent but i trust my childminder to the point that i dont give a rats ass where she takes my DC during the time she has them. She could take them on a day trip to france for all i care, as long as they are back at hers in time for me to collect them.

hazelnutlatte · 29/03/2016 15:31

One of the reasons we chose a childminder for dd is because she gets to go out and about. Our childminders are a couple so have 6 kids at a time and they drive the round in a mini bus. They go to lots of different parks, soft play, Childrens farm etc and yes sometimes they just go to the supermarket or on errands. This is fine with me as I wanted a home like environment and the childminders make everything a learning experience (eg helping to choose the veg in the supermarket then having it for lunch).
It sounds like you want a nursery for your child as they stay in one place most of the time. Even nurseries do trips sometimes though!

Lindy2 · 29/03/2016 15:41

I'm a childminder and use my car occasionally.
The parents know this at the start and I outline the type of places we go at their first meeting with me. As a self employed person running my own childcare business, I then make the decision as to where we go each day and how we get there. The parents get the details of what we have done each day in the children's diaries and if we are going somewhere new I let them know. That is to keep them informed, not to ask permission.
I think she probably regrets ever giving you the choice as your refusal is now impacting on the other children she looks after. Was she new to minding when you started?
For the level of control you seem to want you need a nanny. You employ a nanny. You don't employ a childminder, you sign up to her childcare service.
She should however give you the proper notice period if she is terminating your contract so you have time to find different childcare.

sephineee · 29/03/2016 15:57

You need to use a nursery then. They never take them out in cars.

RattieOfCatan · 29/03/2016 16:06

Hang on, it's she a childminder or a nanny OP? You're calling her a childminder but you seem to think you can micromanage her like you would a nanny. If she's a childminder she is well within her rights to want to use the car, as a nanny she should stick to your wishes ideally but as a nanny I also prefer use of a car and I don't think of work a job without being allowed to use one now.

jannier · 29/03/2016 19:16

A contract change can be discussed at any time with the correct amount of notice if either party does not agree they can try to come to a compromise or use the notice to find alternative care/work.

So is it not trusting her or anyone's driving?

Eminybob · 29/03/2016 19:29

Do you drive? Is your DD allowed in any cars?

If you want to know where she is all day every day I would recommend a nursery might be a better option for you.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/03/2016 19:33

The mind boggles at the chold not being allowed to travel in cars, why?!!!!

And is it just cars, or are buses and trains a big no no as well?!

calamityjam · 29/03/2016 19:37

My lovely fantastic childminder has had all 4 of my dc's at some time or another. She didn't used to have a licence, so used to use triple buggies and walk everywhere. We are lucky that where we live is a small town in the country, so when the weather is good its a fab place for walks, farms etc. She also has her own small farm. However when the weather is bad, other than toddler groups, she was quite restricted. I was over the moon for her when she passed her test. I even gave her a couple of car seats for all the kids to use. It meant the children were able to benefit from a much wider range of activities and they loved it. Yabvu to restrict her to staying very local,public transport can be a bloody nightmare with toddlers. I do think that if you and your DC are happy with her otherwise, you should rethink your attitude towards her car. Starting again with childcare can be hard work for you and unsettling for your dc.

SallyDonovan · 29/03/2016 19:40

You need to use a nursery then. They never take them out in cars.

Mine does. The nursery takes them swimming once a week in taxis (complete with child appropriate child seats).

Anyway. I think it is pretty PFB to not want your child in a CMs car but that is a choice the OP is entitled to make. Just as the CM is entitled to give the child notice if her parent doesn't accept the change to the contract.

I have never come across a CM who never uses a car and think it would cut down on a lot of opportunities- DC1s childminder took him all over the place - soft play, outings to farms, even the supermarket (I know! ) on ocassion. If I was a CM, I wouldn't fancy trudging through the school run in the rain because one of my clients refused to let their child in a car that was taxed, MOTD, insured and sporting appropriate restraints.

wtffgs · 29/03/2016 19:41

I've never met a CM who didn't use her car. Your thinking is a tad bonkers unusual.

Agree that a nanny might be a better option.

SallyDonovan · 29/03/2016 19:42

And as a PP pointed out, have you considered a nanny? It's would be OK (annoying but ok) to micromanage a nanny in the way you wish to as she would be your employee. A CM is not your employee. She runs her own business and you choose to pay for her services or not.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 29/03/2016 19:44

Yep my nursary have a little mini bus with car seats in, they travel to little farms ect dd loves trips out.

op I think your being silly

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2016 19:51

To me it sounds like she wants the car to go around, meeting with other childminders, probably run some errands.
And?! One of the benefits of having a CM is having your kids in a home environment. Part of running a home involves doing errands. Me and my DTwin went to the same CM from we were three months old until we were thirteen. During that time we went to the bank, the market, fishmongers, butchers, cafes, beaches, auction houses, the pound (when her dog ran away and got caught by the dog warden and we had to go get him back), museums...I could go on. But you'd rather have your DD sit in looking at four walls or going to two parks for the foreseeable future.

If you otherwise like and trust your CM then you're being very shortsighted here; most CM's will do drop-offs and collect their charges from school/nursery. I'm surprised it's taken her this long to call time on this arrangement, even your "compromise" of leaving your DD with her grandparents when she wants to nip out would be very restrictive.

DixieNormas · 29/03/2016 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShinyShinyShiny · 29/03/2016 20:20

OP I'm not clear whether your issue is specifically with the CM's car or with your DD travelling by car full stop.

It sounds like a nursery or nanny is probably a better option for you if car travel is really an issue for you. It's a shame for your daughter to be disrupted from a CM she is happy and settled with though.

Nanny2016 · 29/03/2016 20:27

yabvu, unless of course you have a good reason!
As a nanny myself I would run a mile from a job where I was restricted in when I used a car etc, I love taking the children I work with to different classes, soft plays, playgroups, farms etc and I think that is very important that children have these experiences too. I use my own car and my bosses pay mileage.

I don't think it is right that you micromanage a nanny either, yes we are employed by you and I do exactly as my boss asks me but she is never unreasonable.
If you plan on dictating and restricting everything a nanny can and can't do, you will see a lot of different nannies pass through your employment!

Just food for thought, I hope you find something that works for you!

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