Quick question for cm's

[StrawberrySnowflakes]

what to do with a mindee if there constantly hit/kick/smother(yes try to smother) other children inc my own?
one mindee been here 45 mnutes and has done all to dd in that time.
she kicked her way through yesterday, mentioned to mum as thought it was a glitch(she has allways been hitty) but tis still carrying on today like it used too
have given her time out and asked her to sit on sofa in playroom and read book, colour in, but am stuck what to do as it keeps happening and she cant sit there all day!

anyone??..i could really do with advice for this one. mentioned it to her dad today at home time, but will need to speak to her mum in morning.

How old is she?

gone three.

I think you are doing the right thing.
As the situation cannot continue indefinately (it would not be fair to your children and charges, and would leave you a nervous wreck), I suggest that you tell the mother that you will try to 'break her in' for a week (or whatever you are comfortable with) but then if she is still aggressive to the other children that she will have to leave. That will prompt mum to tackle it at home too. Which is where it should have been tackled. IMO.

she has been with me since august!..and it comes in dribs and drabs, just when she seems to be calming down shell lash out.
i do think it is an attention things as in the company of other adults(whom she doesnt know, shell ask them for cuddles etc), but when mentioned to the mum, she gets defensive

then she knows it's a problem.
you need to decide if you are going to carry on with this child and if not, give the mother notice to either help improve her behaviour or leave.

yeah, i know i think your right..i hate having to keep mentioning it to the mother, but at the end of the day her dd still does it, we dont act violent in my home so she isnt picking it up from me, nor is she denied any attention here.the mum gets defensive and says im blaming her dd, but in actual fact, though i do speak to my dd about whst happend, its her dd who has lashed out not mine, so my dd is not to blame, nor is my other mindee.
my dd/other mindee doesnt deserve to be hit/kicked or anything so this is making me very stressed at minute..i did tell dp to take our dd up to bath when he gets in from work to ease mindees collection time, but now its through day too

well her dad(doesnt live with them) collected yestreday afternoon and i briefly mentioned it to him, but didnt get much of a response?..anyway, thought mum would be unhappy upon refection mentioning it to him, but was assured if a child had done it at nursery, whoever collected would be informed?!..anyway, mum dropped mindee of this morn..emphasised to her dd to be good today and to play nicely..went into hall with her and asked if her ex has spoken to her and she said yes and ive spoken to dd about it and she does understand, if we can work together to try and get it sorted!!!..asked mindee if her and mummy had a chat about being friends and mindee said yes, mummy says i must not hit anyone again and must be nice to my firends!....maybe there id light at the end of tunnel?..although the lashing out is the prob, knowing i now have the paretns support makes my lif easier!

hurray - good for you strawberry.
def light at end of tunnel.

thanks..and the mum has kept her d off today as she broke up, leaving me with a day off too

Is this the same child you had problems with before strawberry? Do you think maybe there are problems at home that they are hiding? She sounds very troubled and mum defensive? My bil (who is a teacher and trained psycologist sp?)

sorry missed end of message
bil says that behind a child with problems is an adult causing them

wellll.......i did observe something on thursday night which may lead me to believe it is actually the parent cuasing the confusionin 'ground rules' and the child ie: if i behave badly at CM, mummy doesn seem to behave like she would at home??...dp was shocked and said this is not the way to deal with behaviour, so me doing time out and talking to her is total contrast to what i saw the other night

sorry that was confusing..mum did something which i had not seen her do before when her dd was being aggressive and didnt seem like a rare thing to mindee, her dd was extremely aggresive, so it would have been immediate time out had it been my call. But i wouldnt(i know each parent is different) have ever reacted to dd like that never mind her dd.
i think the child thinks her mum wont 'do this' when shes in my home and being a three year old 'goads her'???..was surprised!

I think its quite normal for children to 'act up' in front of parents and childminder, one of my particulary angelic mindees is a nightmare for his mum (but then she allows and babies him -he is7!, another story though) But I think that if the mother is aggressive when she is dealing with the child then the child will mirror the behaviour. - I don't mean physical aggresion more the attitude iyswim.

well it was phsical and its not so much the child playing up, hich she does but i accept it will happen, its aggressive behaviour and towards my dd..she s such a quiet, pacid child through day and when her mum comes she turns really horrible and nasty??

It sounds likely then that its the mother causing this behaviour for the child

yeah, fisrt time i saw this and her dd was 10 times worse for her, so obv doesnt work, which of course it doesnt..think its either all or nothing and mood determines raction, so the child isnt really aware of what will happen each time, wether she will get away with things or not..sounds bad, but i am so glad that i now know its not something i was doing!