CM Club - what would you do?

[LoveMyGirls]

New mindee has been coming for a few weeks now and 1 of his relatives comes with him, he is 2.

Today is his first day on his own - only for a couple of hours.
He was happy to get in the car and come with me but as soon as we got in the house and took our coats off he started to cry and has been crying ever since.

i have tried ignoring it, telling him mummy will come after we've played for a bit, paying attention to the children who are not crying (though its hard to hear because of the constant crying)

i am trying very very hard to ignore him as i dont want to give him attention and ignore my other children that are behaving very well. i understand he is scared, upset etc so i keep repeating mummy will come mummy will come - what else can i do?

when his relative is here he is fine, plays happily, joins in and is very bright. he knows he can have fun here i've even shown him photos of him here having fun.

he wont take his bag or coat off and is bringing my the phone to phone a taxi.

ok its a little calmer here now, my baby is in her high chair eating raisens, my dd1 and older mindee are playing with play dough and new mindee is watching balamory - phew, still advice is needed, opinions welcome even, you dont have to be a childminder to reply to me. tia

Im not sure I would ignore him TBH.

It is obviously a big, daunting thing for him being there on his own without his relative. He obviously takes a lot of security from being here with someone he knows well.

I have a mindee who is sometimes like this and I give lots of cuddles, suggest doing a picture to give to Mummy when she comes and doing LOTS of distraction.

I think by ignoring him you may be adding to his distress to be honest - i totally understand where your coming from in ignoring bad behaviour but in this instance I dont think he is behaving badly, just a bit scared.

My little boy isnt settling well into playgroup and I wouldnt like to think he was ignored when he was upset - they take him and cuddle him and try to get him distracted.

HTH

hiya hun..i know what you mean by ignoring him i think do you mean although you look like you are ignoring him and playing with the others, you are watching him with other eye unless it gets too much?
TBH if he's settled much better and he was very upset at first wasnt he!..he's prob seeing what hapens when he crys, proven by him settling down to balamory..he may be overwhelmed by your home and the other children, but it seems you did the right thing as he's now happier..keep on at it..watching him but not overloading the attention when hes crying, i think he sounds like a clever little boy and hell soon coton on that its more fun, when he joins in

sorry reading other post, i dont mean ignore him being upset, i mean talk to him, explain to him that all is ok..ask him to join in and let him take his time and come over when he's calmer, all the while keeping one eye on him and one eye on others.
BTW..you are a saint

he wont let me cuddle him or wipe the snot from his nose or take his coat off, he wont drink or eat. i think at home crying works they try to pacify him by talking gently all the time, so i am trying that by saying mummy will come mummy will come. hes not listening at all. hes started again btw.

im going to ask his mum for photos of the family and put them up on my wall next time he comes. but tbh i am dreading soon when he will be coming 9 til 3 - toddler groups are going to be no fun!!!

just managed to keep him occupied for 5 mins by showing him photos of us at the zoo etc

oh god hun, i wish you luck..poor lamb, but poor you too!

Have had 2 mindies behave like this - the first wouldn't come in from the hallway and would cry til he vomited. Cuddles etc just made it worse. 2 things that stopped him crying were
a) reading a book - I postitioned myself very near the doorway but so that he couldn't see the pictures unless he moved. Talking about how good the story is "look at xx on this page", asking children about what they see in the pictures & what was going to happen next (sometimes needed to move the book & "accidently" give him a quick glimpse of the page - he'd soon come in to look at the pictures properly)
b) setting up the brio right up to the doorway & loudly & enthusastically play, doing a running commentary while I played. He couldn't resist & would come in to get a train before long.

The second child wouldn't stop crying unless she was sat on my lap with me reading a storybook. I got very hoarse!. And she would start off again if anyone mentioned the word "mum" so my own kids had to call me by my first name!

• even if he doesn't have a favourite teddy/toy suggest he bring a book or game from home to share with the other children.
• Arts & crafts can sometimes help - although mummy isn't with you he can make a painting for her (or his relative friend)
• change some of the toys/activities, having new things regularly if only a new book from library or different coloured playdough
• give jobs eg quietest/best behaved person picks the next song to sing or passes out the bananas.

Good luck