Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Jekyl & hyde mindees when parents collect them

25 replies

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 18:29

one of my mindee switches from a sort of polite quietly spoken child to an out and out horror when she gets collected..tonight she was going up to mine, dd's and her mums face and screaming in it?!, snatching everything of dd that she touched, crying and screaming when i asked her to give it back she ignores all requests to calm down ad stop it from me and her mum and screams and crys then go's and does something to dd again?!and just as she was leaving tonight she tok two books off dd that she had on her knee..said they were hers and she was taking them home, when i said no they are mine and for all the children to share who come to play she burst out crying again..last thing before she went out of door, she went up to dd who was sat near my knee and poked her hard in the chest and laughed???..her mum was telling her not to do it and told her to leave the room at one point, but i am so shocked by the change in her and quite frankly am not prepared to deal with this every evening when shes collected..amd very tired and at the behaviour now and its not thats shes tired cos she had a two hour sleep this afternoon???
thing is my dd is normally v.good at sharing but this other child is so snatchy and nasty of an evening, my dd is starting to not want to share with her..which is a hard enough task anyway with the children

please..any advice??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ThePrisoner · 07/12/2006 18:32

It is a well-known fact that minded children do this when parents arrive - it happens to all of us!!

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:07

yeah ive been told that but what can you do about it..cos my patience is wearing thin with her and if she were still in my care at the time, i would be speaking to her about it and then giving her time out..cant do this when mum still here 10mins after pick up time waiting for her taxi

OP posts:

happybiggirl · 07/12/2006 19:09

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 07/12/2006 19:11

can't you get her ready with her coat on and just take her immediately out of the door when her parent arrives .. then if parent wants to chat say you will chat in the morning / by phone?

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:12

my dd was the same when she first started nursery..thankfully it 'does' pass...its all the new faces, different personalities and being in a 'controlled' enviornment then coming home so they let of steam..its no fun i know!

OP posts:

WanderingTroll · 07/12/2006 19:13

Sympathy Strawberry - I think we look after the same child.

My one is ok at the moment but I know what her triggers are - put it this way, I'm not looking forward to the holidays much!

Can her mum call you from her mobile outside your house (ie in her car) to catch up on the day, so you can just bundle the little darling out the door?

happybiggirl · 07/12/2006 19:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:16

well some may forget but everyone iver spoken to has said their kids were same, my dd's friend is year older and appently stil plays up when her mum picks her up from cm and shes been with her since she was 6months old!..so nursery...ride the storm..maybe even try star chart for being kind to mummy after nursery??

OP posts:

smeeinit · 07/12/2006 19:21

strawb this is all part and parcel of being a cm!
every child does it,BUT that does not mean you have to be happy with it or put up with it.
every mindee ive had has played up like that,even the babies know to start crying when mum arrives!!!
ive had 2 mindees that were so unruley when parents colected (and parents ignoring the behaviour)that i used to get their coats and shoes on ready and litteraly be waiting at the door to usher them out,and occasionaly take them to the car so they dont get an oppurtunity to treat my house like a soft play centre!
at the end of the day my house may be my place of buisness but its also mine and my childrens home and should be treated with respect

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:21

im going to have to start having her ready and will let mum know about this..have to be straight out tomorrow as already told mum we have to be somewhere at 6 when she collects her..so if all gos well and she's not early meaning it will still happen, i will say oh look how well your dd was tonight, ill have her ready each night and that will avoid any problems??..or something..oooohhh.am really cross with her behaviour though..so violent and we are totally against hitting or anything..dont know why she does it, its like shes suppresssed her anger all day and lashes out at night..actually said to mindee tonight, you are never like this through day, you always (mostly) play nice..now your mummy will think youre like this all the time..no response

OP posts:

FioFio · 07/12/2006 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smeeinit · 07/12/2006 19:28

damn my secrets out!! thought i was the only cm that put hash casserole and cakes on the menu?!!!!!

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:28

just feel a bit sad for dd..tonight she was asking why no one likes her and why no one is her friend as it mindee has been sneakilly having digs at dd all day, but she has give as good back..but i ownder if having these chidren around is too much for her?..sharing me i mean? esp when they belt her going out of the door..its the violence towards my dd im concerned about

OP posts:

happybiggirl · 07/12/2006 19:30

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 07/12/2006 19:37

tbh i think wjen its picking up time it should be done and dusted within 5 mins.

i always get shoes, coats on ready to go, then i have a quick hand over with mum/ dad whoever and say bye see you tomorrow.

because i am busy i have my own kids to see to and tidy up after before i can chill out so the longer im stood chatting the longer my day is and after getting up at 6am im in no mood for chit chat at 6pm

i did have 1 mum who picks up in the afternoon (just as im about to have my only break of the day) and wants to sit and chat for ages but ive started putting coat on mindee and packing her bag etc, quick handover and paperwork and see you tomorrow - was hard because i felt rude to start with but now im a bit more confident.

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 19:45

..have just emailed the mum and said that dd is upset and that because this happens every night where her dd turns aggressive to my dd, we have to stop it.
i have asked her to speak to her dd as my star charts for good behaviour at home time are not working with her and said that from tomorrow night, i will have her ready too leave to avoid any problems or as few as possible from word go..am very sad for dd today tho' this mindee is sly and i think more has gone on than i know of today?

OP posts:

franyfroo · 07/12/2006 19:49

i always get the coat and shoes on. some parents just let the children trash my house. i have got firmer over time but its still hard. i just wish they would coleect and go.

happybiggirl · 07/12/2006 19:52

Message withdrawn

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 07/12/2006 21:57

well she hasnt replied which either means shes ignoring it(possibly) or hasnt read it(probably)..so will have to re-explain in morning when she drops her off..got more fed up about it as night progressed, told dp and he annoyed too as dd having to get used to sharing me, then getting thumped my the kids she played happily with, didnt think this part would be so tricky

OP posts:

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 08/12/2006 21:04

her mum was late again tonight, we were all sat waiting to go to dd's school fete and whilst waiting she started on dd..this time dp was in room with them and told her off straight away, then took dd upstairs away from her..dont think he actually belived me!

OP posts:

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 08/12/2006 21:05

p.s she didnt read emails, so had to quickly tell her what id wrote this morn as she was 20 mins late dropping off..she didnt seem botherd at all.

OP posts:

FeelingOld · 08/12/2006 21:58

I have bags, coats and shoes next to front door so that when the door bell rings I take mindee with me into the porch and put shoes etc on whilst I tell mum/dad about our day.
I am afraid that even if parent is there, if mindees misbehave i tell them as I would if parents not there. Whilst they are in my house all of my rules apply whether parents there or not.

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 09/12/2006 18:24

well we do have a small hallway, but we have a seat in it, so i might have her dd there putting shoes on when she comes and hopefully shell feel soo cramoed, shell go straight away!..but yeah, allr eady at home time is definate from now on!..thanks girls

OP posts:

Original poster

StrawberrySnowflakes · 10/12/2006 21:38

just got an email from parent of mindee basically saying her childs behaviour is down to me giving mixed signals on what she can and cant do
so i must let children beat ten bells out of my dd through day, but not when parents are there then eh??.
just replied.
very flustered and annoyed

OP posts:

LazycowLyinginaManger · 13/12/2006 11:06

Can I just say that there is a reason that so many children behave like this when their parents pick them up and I personally think it is because they have been on their 'best' behaviour all day with someone who they like or are fond of but don't 'love' like they do their parents. When their parents arrive it is almost a way of punishing their parents for having been left all day .

Their emotions are all over the place and they don't know what to do about it so they play up. Along with setting some rules about their behaviour I think it might help to acknowledge what the child is feeling. You could say something like

'You seem angry/unhappy/frustrated' Then if they agree that they are angry or whatever you could give then an alternative way to express that.

eg 'tell me in words don't hit'
or even better - give them a piece of paper and a pen and ask them to draw how angry/sad they are.

Then just let them tell you how they feel, you don't need to fix it - just try and understand it.

I'm not saying that you should't have rules and that children should be allowed to hit but labelling them as manipulative or sly is counterproductive.

Obviously this isn't possible with pre-verbal children but it is still possible to accept that their crying is because they are having strong emotions that they don't know how to handle.

Flip