Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Childminder has annoyed me - what do you think?

19 replies

texasrose · 06/12/2006 13:04

Hi, I've not posted here before but...well, it's a bit of a story. I'll try to keep it short!

My ds (2yo) has had a cold. I work 4 days a week, Tues - Fri. I saw cm on Mon and said that I wouldn't be bringing ds the following day because he was still getting over the cold. So ds went to my mum's house on Tues, no problem as it was all arranged in advance. Cm said that she thought he'd probably take a couple of days to recover completely. I nodded vaguely, as I'm afraid I do.

So this morning (wed) i phoned cm to say that ds was better now and I'd drop him off blah blah blah, to which cm replied that no, she couldn't have him today as she had a hospital appointment and she thought we'd agreed that she wouldn't have him today due to the cold. She said she'll have him tomorrow (Thurs).

WEll I was really annoyed by this as she hadn't mentioned the hospoital appt and I'd thought that the only thing that would be a factor would be ds's cold. So I was judging that he was well enough to go back (I know that if he were at school I'd have sent him there today). She gets paid if ds is ill, she doesn't get paid if she's unable to look after him. So did she keep quiet about the hospital in the hope that she'd still get paid (because of ds's cold???)

So I've had to take the day off work to look after ds (mum not available all the time, and why should she be?)

I think I'm going to say to cm that it was unfair of her not to tell me that she wasn't available today. It might all sound petty but things like this can really make you feel that people are not as reliable as you thought they were. Am I over-reacting? What would you say? Has she got every right to have said what she said? I'm sooooooooooooo tired I can't even think straight.... Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WanderingTroll · 06/12/2006 13:31

I'm a childminder.

She's being a bit cheeky - I've had days when I'm not needed (eg kids are ill) and always assume that they may miraculously recover at any moment, therefore as I'm still being paid I'm still on duty so can't head out shopping for the day etc.

She 'thought' not 'knew' he'd be better by Thurs - not her decision to make, you're his mum, you were there, you know when he's better.

Yes, she kept quiet about the hospital appointment (which she told you about at the last minute anyway, how odd to not let you know asap) and as she couldn't have your ds because of that, not his cold, don't pay her.

"We've had a bit of a mix up this week, haven't we? (smile a lot) I'm going to pay you for Tuesday, as ds was ill, but he was fine on Weds when you couldn't have him because of your appointment, so I'll just pay you for three days this week. Thanks! (toothy grin)"

Original poster

texasrose · 06/12/2006 13:34

Thanks for that WT. She is a good cm and I don't want to antagonise her unnecessarily, so your approach sounds about right. I'm not naturally a very confrontational person anyway.

Thanks again!

OP posts:

WanderingTroll · 06/12/2006 13:40

PS If she's great, you could offer to pay her half a day as a conciliatory gesture. If it were me, I wouldn't quibble if I thought I were 'owed' only half a day's pay.

Good luck.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 06/12/2006 13:56

agree with wonderingtroll.

dmo · 06/12/2006 13:57

i think she is well out of order
its takes weeks to get a hospital appointment
what would she have done if he came in happy and well on tursday tell you then that she couldnt have your ds
i think she has gone shopping, think she planned in her head on monday that ds was ill = day off weds (does she not mind any other children?) and decided to get some shopping done
deff would not pay her for today as you have had to take the day off work

smeeinit · 06/12/2006 17:20

cheeky cow!
i def would not pay her.........how very dare she!
imo there was no hospital appt and
like dmo says she prob went shopping
im a cm and if i HAVE to make an appt during work time then the parents are given plenty of notice,especially if im unable to work.
i would def not expect to paid if i was unable to work.

S88AHG · 06/12/2006 18:15

I am also a CM I think in all honesty the nicest way to try to resolve this is to just ask her why she hadnt mentioned the hosp appt before, and judge it from her reaction, also best done face to face not over the phone. If you are happy with her and everything else is good it seems a shame to upset everyone over this one thing. I am of course assuming that this is the first upset you have had with her. And maybe say to her next time your ds is ill you will ring her each evening he is not with her to keep updated on how he is doing Hope this doesnt offend you as I am quite new here that is not my intention

aliceband · 06/12/2006 18:17

perhaps she was doing christmas shopping

aliceband · 06/12/2006 18:18

oops just realised i am not original..

happynappy · 06/12/2006 19:05

I agree with S88AHG, but I don't think I would pay her for that day unless she has done you favours in the past, ie: you've been late to pick up and she's been a brick about it. But you have to talk to her about it somehow, and S88AHG's approach sounds about right, otherwise it will just niggle you. But be prepared she may not take it in good part but that cannot stop you from saying what's on your mind. You have to be able to trust her, she's looking after your DS. PS: none of the faces suit this as I want to express empathy having been in a few tricky situations similar to this myself...unfortunately not taken in good part by CM but had to be raised...hence the health warning I give.

Original poster

texasrose · 06/12/2006 19:40

Thanks for those comments.

I popped in to see her this afternoon and asked how it'd gone at the hospital. I'm quite sure it was a real appointment, she gave me a fair bit of detail about her gynea probs (sp???)! She told me she was hoping it'd all work out (i.e. ds would still be ill so she wouldn't have to deal with not being available). I didn't say much but I did slip in the fact that I'd had to take the day off because I did want her to know that she'd put me out. I was too chicken to mention money . It was all very polite and British!

She is a good childminder and yes this is the first upset we've had. One thing I find a bit frustrating tho is at what point do you decide a child is too ill to go to the cm? She implied that if his nose was still runny she didn't want to have him. What do you think of this? I keep thinking 'If he were at school, when would I keep him off?' (Am I a bad mum for sending a child to school with a runny nose? I have done with my older ds) THere are so many bugs around here ATM and I am a bit worried that if cm doesn't take ds every time he has a runny nose I'll end up having far too much time off work. I only went back in June so it's all very new to me and a bit of a juggling act.

OP posts:

Original poster

texasrose · 06/12/2006 19:42

BTW S88 don't worry about offending!

You should see how offensive some other threads can get!!!!

I post here to get other people's perspectives and advice; as you don't actually know me or anyone else involved in some ways you are far better placed to be objective than someone who knows us both well. So say it how it is!

OP posts:

happynappy · 06/12/2006 19:50

My golden rule, and one shared by every CM and nursery and now school that I've ever dealt with, is if the child has a high temperature or has been declared infectious then no school/daycare. But if you kept child home for every snuffle you would never go to work as pre-schoolers immune systems are developing and so are the first to pick up bugs. Sounds like you need to have proper chat with CM about your mutual expectations. Also, I don't buy her line about hoping she wouldn't have to mention hospital appointment. They are usually set well in advance and definitely more than a day or two. You'd be within your rights to ask nicely if she thinks she will be going again (particularly as she's been free with the detail (which is also another sign that she's not telling all)) to hospital as you have to make alternative arrangements and won't be able to pay her for those days.

dmo · 06/12/2006 20:06

i take children with runny noses if i didnt i would have a 7 day weekend

also take children with runny nappies if i think its only their teeth

only time is sickness they have to be 24hr clear of act sick b4 they come back

ThePrisoner · 06/12/2006 20:52

I wouldn't have any children here this week if they were banned because of runny noses/colds! If they don't have a really bad cold but do have a slight temperature, I will also have them so long as they're not "ill" as such.

I also think your childminder is a bit naughty not to have said anything about her hospital appointment - what did she intend to do if your child had been coming as normal all week?? She wouldn't have been giving you much notice if she intended to have some time off.

S88AHG · 06/12/2006 21:18

I think everyone sends their child to daycare/school with runny nose I know I do and I accept mindees with such symptoms, so long as they can do everything I need to do IE school pick ups then its fine with me, thought that was the advantage of CM over nursery that CM a bitmore understanding

amphion · 07/12/2006 11:44

If it's a runny nose at the beginning of a cold when it's really dripping, with lots of tissues needed, and nose getting sore then I think it's not nice for the child to go to school, nursery or childminder.

Original poster

texasrose · 07/12/2006 13:19

Yes Amphion I agree. When a child is just getting over a cold and the nose is still a bit runny every now and then tho...?

OP posts:

happynappy · 07/12/2006 18:24

Ha! Serves me right...DD no 1 sent home from school with a temperature today and promptly threw up all over the bathroom!!! Can't remember the last time she was this ill. So here's a good example of when I think my DD should stay home.

Flip