Nanny thinking of leaving

[TiesThatBind]

Our brilliant nanny is thinking of leaving. DC1 is 23 months, she has been with us since he was 4 months. DC2 is only 2 months.

She and her (relatively new but serious) boyfriend are hoping to move in together and that would mean her relocating. She has said it is unlikely to happen before next September but she will let me know if her plans change.

The problem is: DC1 is having a tough time adjusting to DC2, I am likely to start work again in the spring/summer, and DC1 will start nursery in the autumn. September would be a horrible time for him to lose her, and adapt to someone new.

I don't want to lose her at all, but if she is going to go it would be better to get a replacement sooner rather than later (although we would be keen to have some overlap).

How can I talk to her about this? I don't want to put pressure on her, and I want to respect the appropriate boundaries as her employer.

We have a very good relationship and I was really hoping she would stay for a long time, but I really want to minimise upheaval for DC1.

Any advice on how I should handle this?

Thank you!

She may move in a year or so. It's not even worth thinking about now. There isn't a problem here.

Clearly you are right - it might never happen. But I am really worried about finding someone good to replace her, and it would be incredibly stressful if she gives notice in July and finishes up in August. September is one of my busiest months at work, and I am already worrying about how I will be able to take the time off to settle DS1 into nursery.

Our contact stipulates one month notice. Would it be reasonable to ask her if we could change it to two/three?

Yes you would. You can't change it now because you will be the one adversely affected. Presumably it was set at one month because you wanted to be able to give her that time frame if it wasn't working out from your end?! A year is a long time away and it might not even happen.

You can ask her to give you more notice, but you can't insist. In future I'd suggest 6 weeks in any contract - a month is a bit tight. If you get on with her she may well give you more notice.

There's not much you can do - other than change your form of childcare to mostly nursery and make her redundant. I would speak to her and explain it will be a v stressful time for you and to let you know as soon as she's made a decision so you can look for someone else

This is a non-problem.

Your nanny really shouldn't have said anything at all, but obviously feels she can chat with you about her plans etc. Your nanny having a vague plan to move in a year is not a reason to worry.

If/when she does leave, DS will be fine. He will adapt someone new very quickly. Children are frighteningly fickle.

Worrying about settling DS into nursery in a years time is also ridiculous btw!! Firstly, you don't need to take time off to settle him in, he'll be fine with a nanny. Secondly, it's a year away! Stop worrying. For you own sake and also for DS's. He will detect your anxiety and he'll start worrying about nursery and new nannies and stuff that he doesn't need to worry about.

OK - I hear you!

Perhaps the sleep deprivation is getting to me. I have just found it so tough to see DS1 struggle to come to terms with having "less" of me, that the idea of him losing someone he loves is really upsetting.

Will try to get a grip! (And in the meantime I will see if she would be happy to move to six weeks notice)

You are worrying over nothing

Tbh I think the nanny was a bit silly to tell you she may be leaving in a year and he may move towards her if a long distance relationship

Tech if you wanted to yes you could get rid of her (been there less then 2yrs) and get a new nanny - tho that one may leave in under a year and you would be back to where you have started

Don't worry till it happens - if at all

This is why I always says have 2mth notice. For both employee and employer - a month is nothing when trying to organise childcare /find a job

And agree you don't need to settle dc1 into nursery. By all means take his first day off /work from home so you can take him - but you work so you have a nanny so she will settle him in

You have obvious kept your nanny on while you are on ml :) so let nanny have baby (after you have fed if bf) and you spend some 121 mummy time with your eldest if he is struggling

Hi Ties

Almost exact the same situation has actually just happened to me (DS 1 starting pre school nursery, me returning to work from DC2 mat leave and beloved nanny leaving all at around the same time).

I was worried and wasted a lot of mat leave worrying about it but it really has been fine and both kids have adapted. A new nanny is obviously different but there are lots of lovely nannies out there. Plus it may never happen for you!

tim thank you so much - it is really reassuring to hear that it wasn't as bad as you feared!

blondes I think you are right about notice and in future I will move to six months. I really don't want to let her go now because I feel so lucky to have her.

Perhaps part of the problem is I can't imagine getting anyone else as good for our family. But rationally I realise that there are lots of lovely nannies out there.

Will take a deep breathe and try to stop stressing. Thank you all for the reality check!

6weeks not 6mths

And yes your nanny may be amazing and lovely you treasure her but as and when you need a new nanny there will be others just as lovely :)

Now go and enjoy your children