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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

a little uncomfortable with AP walking around in boxers

39 replies

finefatmama · 12/09/2015 20:49

AP (32) has been here for almost 2 weeks. DH says he's impressed with him and one of the boys has given positive feedback so far. I haven't been as comfortable with his age and motives and decided to give it time.

This morning he came and greeted me in the sitting room with a bit of a superman pose and a 5 second pause in his boxers before proceeding to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. Then he proceeded to join the boys in the bathroom to brush his teeth while they were taking a bath. DH was supervising the boys and doesn't think anything of it. No one in the house walks around like that and I don't want grown ups thinking it ok to be that cosy with other people's children around or encouraging a 'lets get comfy together in our boxers' atmosphere with my kids. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Preminstreltension · 12/09/2015 20:51

Of course that's not right. This needs to be dealt with.

violetwellies · 12/09/2015 20:52

Not over reacting, it's not what you do in your house.
Tell him to get his kit on, you're not comfortable with it, so tell him.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 12/09/2015 20:53

A 32 year old au pair sounds dodgy even without the walking round and posing in boxers.

winchester1 · 12/09/2015 20:55

Yh its his age I'm confused about boxers not so much.

Vixxfacee · 12/09/2015 20:57

32 year ap? In boxers ? Forget that

Original poster

finefatmama · 12/09/2015 21:02

He says he started out as a builder in the Czech Republic but it wasn't well paid so he went and worked in elderly care in Spain for a while and finally decided that he wanted to move to the UK. I didn't like the story but ds1 has been physically challenging so we decided to give it a go. I wasn't initially comfortable with the profile but DH thought it was worth a shot.

OP posts:

Preminstreltension · 12/09/2015 21:10

Anyone who is not an immediate family member should be pretty much dressed in your house all the time (barring trips to shower room in pyjamas). And particularly an adult male who has clearly made you feel uncomfortable.

Littlefish · 12/09/2015 21:17

I agree with Premin. You need to speak to him about being suitably dressed when he is not in his room.

If you do not feel comfortable with him, then do not leave your children alone with him.

Did you take up full references before he started with you?

AnnieNon · 12/09/2015 21:29

I don't think it's an issue at all unless he carries on doing it once you ask him to stop.

If he has lived somewhere hot then he might be used to wandering around in his boxers.

Everyone feels comfortable wandering around in boxers in my house. There is nothing wrong with asking him to stop doing it though.

Karoleann · 12/09/2015 21:31

Did he supply and police check and refs? He sounds dodgy, you have to err on the side of caution with anyone looking after your children, never mind someone living in your house.

Thisismyfirsttime · 12/09/2015 21:45

I can't get over the fact you have a 32 year old Czech builder as your AP! I want one just so I can tell random strangers and see their reactions!
Assuming he has the relevant references etc I'd try speaking to him and explaining that you are uncomfortable with that level of familiarity and see if he cooperates. If you are uncomfortable with him looking after your DC's generally you should trust your instincts and get rid IMO.

Thisismyfirsttime · 12/09/2015 21:47

*generally after discussing it with him I meant.

Girlfriend36 · 12/09/2015 21:55

No obviously not o.kay, am also thinking there is no way in the world i would have this man in my home.

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/09/2015 21:57

I haven't been as comfortable with his age and motives and decided to give it time.

I am gobsmacked, quite frankly.

How do you reconcile this ^^ with the care of your most treasured 'possessions'?

And I say this as someone who thinks au pair care is the best thing since sliced bread.

Out of all the people on planet earth who could look after your DC ... why would you choose someone whose age and motives you find dubious, for the job?

ImperialBlether · 12/09/2015 21:57

Nor me. No way at all.

Original poster

finefatmama · 12/09/2015 21:58

He has references and a police check. We interviewed him in Prague and our outgoing AP checked one of them.

I will let him know to stop it. Coming to think of it I should have been firmer when he stocked the fridge with Stella and settled down to drink a couple on his first day. He's probably making himself at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

finefatmama · 12/09/2015 22:03

TheDower, I am known to be a little paranoid at the best of times and we have no plans to allow sole charge for extended periods in the first 3 months. I leave home after they've gone to school and DH gets back within 30 minutes of their return from school and works from home

He explained that his firs caring role was one of necessity but he found it more satisfying. He also said he had a disabled brother and wanted to move into care or nursing in the UK. Making the move now cause his girlfriend dumped him.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 12/09/2015 22:04

Not that I think you need to worry about police checks, necessarily, but do you have police checks for the Czech Republic, Spain and the UK?

Fatrascals · 12/09/2015 22:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Cerseirys · 12/09/2015 22:07

Well I think the question in everyone's mind is does he work out at the gym and if so, where can they get a similar au pair??

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/09/2015 22:24

But even so.

You only bring someone into your house to live, and look after your DC, if you both feel really sure about them.

Having an au pair is unique - you really have to feel sure about the person, because you're sharing your home with them.

RachelZoe · 12/09/2015 22:31

This all sounds very strange.

I have a male nanny and he wouldn't be acting like that, when they're all getting ready in the morning he might be out of the shower in towel/undies mithering them to hurry the fuck up/getting them dressed or whatever but he wouldn't be striking poses or anything, the superman pose thing is bizarre, and why do you need someone to handle your ds being "physically demanding"? What does that mean?

All very odd.

SansaryaAgain · 12/09/2015 22:37

OP if he looks like this then I really wouldn't complain...

a little uncomfortable with AP walking around in boxers

SavoyCabbage · 12/09/2015 22:45

How come you are saying things like 'he says he was a builder' and 'he said he had a disabled brother' rather than 'he has a disabled brother'?

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/09/2015 10:55

I thought ap's had to be between a certain age

Tbh I wasn't sure if you were joking about the superman pose and boxers - let alone stocking fridge with beer and drinking it - I assume he was off duty then?

You are not comfortable with the situation and seems dh isn't bothered - would be like a female to walk around in underwear / lets lone barge in when kids in bath

Seems very unprofessional and a stern chat /house rules are needed with both you and dh present

Ap sounds jack the lad and not who I would want looking after my children

disabled or not

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