Advice from Childminders - re naughty step

[Tiredbadger]

Hi,
I am looking for advice from other childminders / parents on how to handle a situation with my childminder.

My DD(2) goes to the childminder 2-3 days week, and has been going there for over a year. No issues before and always been very happy with the set up.

Yesterday when I collected my DD my childminder told me she had to put my DD on to naughty chair for what I consider a very minor reason (she had been trying to lie under a rug).

From what I understand my DD was very confused by the process and didn't know what was going on. I am really upset that my childminder used this method of discipline without consulting me first. It is something I would never choose to do.

I am aware that she does the same for older children she cares for but what I want advice on is how to handle this situation as I'm not happy with that method being used for my DD. Can I suggest how I would handle it at home to her? Any advice is welcome.

I think you probably should have discussed discipline with your childminder when you first started. However, I think there's no problem in saying "DD was quite confused by the naughty step as it's not something we use at home, please can you use the following discipline method instead". Though time out is quite standard at most nurseries/childminders and even some schools, so don't be surprised if the childminder is a little take aback by your request.

You can't dictate what from of discipline your childminder uses.

If you're not happy with it, then you need to raise it with your childminder. Hopefully, you can come to a solution you are both happy with.

Ultimately though you can't request she use a different system for your DD. She must be fair and consistent with all children. This would be the same in any group setting (childminder, pre-school, nursery, school etc.). If you can't reach a compromise then you will have to look for alternative care.

Just arrange a chat and ask her to go through her behaviour policy. Mine clearly states what methods I use and when.

I can also see why lying under a rug could possibly be cause for being moved away. If other children were playing on the rug and she was making them cry / angry, or even if it's a simple house rule that the rugs are for playing on top of and she wouldn't listen. She may have been asked not to do it 10 times before being moved. Only your CM can explain.

The issue is that you can explain what you would do at home, but assuming your DD is your only child, the CM might not find it practical or possible to use the exact same method that you would when she has other children to deal with as well.

I would not be keen myself on a "naughty" chair (I also have a vague idea that this isn't ofsted-approved terminology, either) but as for the idea of a generic "time out" punishment, I understand that in a group setting it might be one of the only practical things. It's difficult unless you can find a very AP/natural minded childminder to find one who doesn't use a standardised system and I have to say in hindsight I totally get it (though as a first time parent of a two year old, I would have been upset too!)

It's a hard call. But if the childminder is generally good and you have the feeling that she is warm and loving towards your DD then I would let it go, because in hindsight this is something which is very small and your DD will come to understand that there are different rules and procedures at home and CM's house and it's actually okay. If you do have other misgivings then of course this could just be a sign that this is not the right setting for you.

I don't think Ofsted have any "approved terminology" . CMs can't use corporal punishment or punishment that negatively impacts children's safety or well being, but I doubt a time out comes under that.

I suspect that your DD was put on the naughty chair for refusing to do as she was asked (Ie not to lie under the rug). If she's been at the CM for over a year she's probably aware of the purpose of the naughty chair. You were also aware that the CM uses this technique so it would seem rather unfair to complain.

Also how do you know your DD was "confused" as it was all over by the time you arrived. Sounds like you're just annoyed that your little darling was disaplined. I'd leave it if I were you.

A time out is about the only thing there is to use,though I was told by an inspector not to call it a naughty step etc - I hadn't, it was him who changed what i said.
A 2 year old is plenty old enough to understand the rules and to be given a time out.
Its not something to be fussed about, most children will need not be told off at some time at that age. Its good that your childminder shared this information with you, it shows that she probably doesn't often have to do this and it was a one off.
What would you do at home if your child misbehaved?

Ah, I thought there was a bit about not calling it a "naughty" step because it's stigmatising or something but I could be wrong.

cm has to use same methods for all her charges so if you dont like her discipline then you need to use another one, but as know what she does you cant complain about her methods

tho as dd gets older she will have to do what teachers/adults ask of her and she may get time out

i would ask more about the rug situation but as HSMMaCM said it was probably as 1) asked not to do it several times 2) annoying children playing near by

least your cm told you

From interest what method would you suggest she uses for all the children in her care. I presume she asked a few times for it to stop then warned so what would step 3 be?

Hi, I am a Registered Childminder of 25yrs, Previously working as Head Teacher of a Primary School. After my one and only child was born 27yrs ago, I decided to Register as a Registered Childminder.
Naughty Steps shouldn't exsist in my opinion; they are a tool of one's own failings. If Children are nurtured, secure and given quality care they will be willing to achieve and please.
A good Registered Childcare Professional will/should have already discussed a Policy covering Discipline before a settling in period. If a 'naughty step' wasn't discussed prior to starting, I'd be asking to speak to the Practioner.
Equally, Im always surprised on these Forums, Mums complaining about Childminders, Nannies etc., whenm I n fact they've hired an unqualified person to take over the care of their most important mm possession?

Tenet I so agree with everything you say. I have 32 years experience as a nanny and I hate the whole Idea of naughty steps there are much better ways to to encourage good behaviour and children do respond better to encouragement and praise. Many children are totally bemused as to why they are being disciplined in this way. I also find most children respond well to adults who lead by example.

it is very important to discuss all this with a new client/employer. I would not take on a nanny job unless the parents and I could agree on behaviour management and and discipline.

I also got the impression that the naughty step is frowned upon by Ofsted.

Strange that it is assumed that all cm's would be untrained many of us now have at least level 3 and a growing number have early years degrees as well as additional degrees some of us are also assessors and trainers.
Head teachers are not always trained in early years but are not therefore untrained...
I agree discipline should be discussed prior to contract so every one is working in the same way. I would still like to hear the op's method and if she has discussed it with the practitioner.

Jannier I was trying to stop myself from saying I am a qualified Early Years Teacher and DH is a qualified Early Years Educator. Quite apart from all the other training and experience we have.

We don't use a naughty step, but that is our personal belief, not as a result of any training.

HSMMcCH....my point was the assumption that other child-minders would be untrained.

I think time out is used too easily and not all avenues explored but would like to hear what the op would suggest using as in order to have a conversation about alternative methods you have to have a clear plan of action to propose and many actually don't. I have worked with many parents who count to 3 for example but actually have no plan on what to do when they get there.

I've used the naughty step with mindees. Not often, more with some children than others (and never at all for some children), but it's always been in agreement with parents. I have also always explained to parents what has happened and why I used the naughty step.

I've even had to use it while being inspected and my inspector actually praised me for how I handled it in her report, so I'm not sure if OFSTED are as down as it as people perhaps think.

I always try and discuss discipline methods with parents when children start (or when they start to need it, if they started very young), so that hopefully we all have a clear understanding before it's actually needed.

OP, you haven't mentioned how old your DD is, but if you're happy with the care other than this issue, then you really must talk to your CM about what happened before anything else. Tell her what methods you use at home, and ask her to use them. She shouldn't have any problem using your method (in fact it should work better, because your DD will understand it better.)