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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

childminders and other men in the house

12 replies

blushingmare · 09/09/2015 20:32

DS started with a childminder last week. She's lovely and great with him, really flexible, just great so far from that side of things. I just have a nagging worry about something that I wondered if some people could give me their opinions on. I haven't used a childminder before with either of my children, so bear with me!

When I went to see the childminder before signing DS up with her, she made a point of saying she didn't have a boyfriend and didn't have men round (those were her words - I had asked who else was in the household). When I picked DS up today I had to run an errand round the corner and when I walked back to my car parked outside her house there was a man that I know (not very well) on her doorstep. We had a chat and he said "oh yeah, I thought I recognised your voice when you dropped him off this morning" and I thought maybe he lived next door and asked if he lived there and he said "no, I know CM, we used to date". Obviously I didn't ask anymore!

Now, it's obviously not my business at all what she does in her private life, but it just made me feel uneasy, her having pointedly said "I don't have men around", when he was obviously there quite early this morning and must have been upstairs. As I said, she seems lovely and really great and tbh I don't have any particular concerns about that particular man, not that I know him that well. But the whole thing just made me feel a bit funny and I wondered where that puts her re Ofsted and DBS checks etc?

Am I being a bit crazy about this and overly protective, or is this something to be concerned about? Please don't slate me - as I say, I really do know that her private life is her private life, but it just feels a bit tricky if there are men coming into the house with my children that I don't know about. Or is that being precious?

OP posts:

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/09/2015 20:35

Well they only need DBS checks if they are left alone with the kids. It doesnt bother me that my CM has friends/other parents/family members pop in and visit her (male or female), but I would find it odd that sje even thought to mention it.....like guilty conscience.

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2015 20:36

Would you feel the same if it was a woman?

Alanna1 · 09/09/2015 20:38

It would make me feel a bit funny too

Original poster

blushingmare · 09/09/2015 20:49

Interesting question pinkyredrose. i'm not sure. Maybe not and maybe that's wrong. But I think a lot of my unease comes from the fact that she was quick to volunteer the information "I don't have any boyfriends round or anything" and then there is this guy and I don't know what his "status" is, but I guess as I'm writing it like that it makes me think well it's really none of my business and if he's not alone with the kids why should it matter?

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 09/09/2015 20:58

blushingmare do you see all men as threats?

duckbilled · 09/09/2015 21:02

He could have been over dropping something off or fixing something, probably entirely innocent. However if i do have a visitor to my home while working this is recorded in a visitors book and i always tell the parents. It is just common courtesy to the families i work with (and a ofsted requirement).

Original poster

blushingmare · 09/09/2015 22:20

That's good to know duckbilled thanks. I guess I just feel like there is a lack of openness there somehow and that's what makes me uneasy. I'm not particularly suspicious of this man at all. I just feel like I'd like to know who is around my children and I was wondering if that's being too precious/controlling, but if that's an Ofsted requirement then I feel a bit more vindicated to feel like that.

OP posts:

mabythesea · 09/09/2015 22:41

It wouldn't have bothered me except that she made a point of saying she doesn't have men round and then there was. I'd ask her about him.

Lurkedforever1 · 09/09/2015 22:45

It's not the fact he was there that would bother me, it's the fact she went out of her way to inform you she doesn't that I'd question.

Original poster

blushingmare · 09/09/2015 23:08

No penfold, I don't think so. But I do feel I want to know who is around my children when I'm not there. And having been told specifically "I don't have men round" (not that I was wanting this to be the case, but that's what she said, unprompted by me), and there quite clearly was someone there, makes me wonder what reason there is for not being open about it. As I said, I know this man vaguely myself - he has been in our house and been with my children and I haven't had any problem with that. The lack of openness makes me feel uneasy, that's I guess what I'm trying o say.

OP posts:

longdiling · 10/09/2015 13:54

The apparent lack of openess would make me go 'hmmm' too. Here in Wales anyone over the age of 16 who lives in the childminder's house has to have a DBS check. Visitors are more of a grey area but she should have a visitor's book and be recording them in there.

I'm not sure what to suggest for you though, I don't think it would be fair to give notice off the back of this but if you feel uneasy at all maybe turn up earlier than planned one day to pick your child up. This will give you a good idea of how your son is being looked after generally and may put your mind at ease.

valerie66 · 12/09/2015 01:48

If you used a nursery there would be all sorts of people coming and going, its just how things are.
Just because there was someone there that day it doesn't mean there is often, it may have been a one off. Try not to worry, everyone is allowed a visitor once in a while.

I childmind and one day a friend came in to borrow my computer (which is upstairs) as he needed to look something up for work. He came back downstairs when a parent was there and said 'thanks Val' then left. The look on the parent's face was priceless. I quickly explained and we laughed about it.

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