CM CLUB - im here again feeling all worried ....... support needed i think.

[LoveMyGirls]

Just very quickly, im feeling a bit disheartened tbh, i have a new boy who has sep anxiety he has only come for about 6/ 7 hours in total but today he has not come because when they told him he was coming to me he threw such a tantrum he was sick his parents are being very gentle with him and i was too. now i'm wondering if because his tantrum throwing worked today he will just do it again and again to get out of coming to me.

The other thing is that my cm friend has a little boy who will be leaving her next year and she asked if i would mind her reccommending me to the childs dad (mum is absent) he has a few issues - without going too much into it he is quite with drawn, sits in front of tv alot, cm has tried everything to get him to come out of his shell and to try and get him potty trained but all her hard work is undone when he gets home, she has had enough of trying so desperatly hard to help his father and of course help him it is bringing her down, she is very exp and has children of her own who are older now. i guess i just feel if i do take him on (if i have a space by then) would i be able to cope with the challenge of turning his life around and making him smile or do i just accept the fact this is how his life is and just let him come to me as he is and accept he doesn't know any different and even if he did know he's never going to get that when he's at home iyswim. i know i can try and at least make sure he enjoys himself when he's with me but i think this runs so deep he doesn't show his excitement or joy at anything so far as i've seen. it's so sad, he just seems like such a sad lonely child. i just think if she cant turn this around then how could i manage? im nowhere near as exp as she is.

Any words of advice, encouragement, exp of this?

LMG, plese don't be down-hearted over all this, as much as we all enjoy childminding at the end of the day it's a job, nothing else- some children work out- some don't.

I can't help with the second problem but have experienced the first, sadly I had to let the child go as it just wasn't working. Said child would get self so worked up and made self very sick (would vomit for England) that on the three occasions that I minded xx I had to contact parents to pick up. It turned out that xx had done exactly the same at nursery and the parents neglected to tell me that the child had got in to such a state (and possibly would with me too). At the end of the day it was better (IMV) to give the child notice as the situation wasn't doing anybody anygood.

HTH

im just thinking mindee No1 will have to learn to get used to being with other people at some point and it might as well be with me than another cm.
i just think along the lines of if he was my child he would have to come no matter what once i'd made the decision as im the parent and no ammount of tantrums would make me give in to him as he would eventually learn i make the decisions and he does not rule our household. maybe his mum will end up not working if he refuses any type of childcare? she has a job which means she had to study for a long time to get where she is i feel so sorry for her iyswim. i know i need to not get myself attached. or imagine what i would do if he were mine because at the end of the day he is not my child and its up to them how they bring him up.

LMG, I find one of the hardest bits of childminding is excepting that the mindees parents have got different standards to me sometimes, but at the end of the day it's always up to them to raise their child how they see fit.

I felt along the same lines too, i.e if it were my child would make more of a effort but it also meant that we couldn't go out anywhere, couldn't give other mindee full attention etc, In my circumstances if they had warned me what the mindee would have done then I could have approached the settling in diferently (not really sure how) but as it was, crying hysterically and getting so worked up it just wouldn't have worked(Apparently did this every day for months in nursery)and mum had to give up work inthe end.

In April, I was approached by a family. They had a DS who would be 10 months by the time he started in my care.
I had him in total for 4 hours, and by then I knew he'd never settle.
He had NEVER been out of his mums company since birth, and she even had to take him to the loo with her, as he refused to stay downstairs with Daddy. The week that he was due to start, his grandparents were visiting from down south. They arrived on the sunday evening, and by tuesday morning, mum had to ask them to leave and go back home as it was unsettling 'F' too much.
In 12 years of childminding, I've never had a child who wouldn't settle, but I have now!!

Some children are just not meant to be born to parents who refuse to socialise them at all. He comes to toddlers now - he's 18 months, and known as 'The Screamer' by other mums and dads.

Don't feel bad about it. Just move on.

Sally x

I think personally you should trying having the child for longer hrs - say a full 8hr day! I know it sounds harsh but I think its got more chance of the child calming down and settling.

Regarding whether to take that other child on - If it were me - id give it a go = every child responds differnt to different people. U have nothing to loose if u have a space
good luck

at the moment i only have space from 2pm til 6pm until jan and i really doubt he would get in the car with me and walk to do school run etc and def wouldnt be ready for toddler groups so wouldn't be fair on the other children in my care.

i have 11mths 13mths 3.5 and 7.

and i did suggest they bring him everyday for this week but they said no they would just bring him for 3 days, today was going to be the 2nd day and they were going to leave him with me on his own for half the time.

sounds like the parents hearts are not in it then to make it work - some parents are jst like that and usually the reason their kids are so clingy and anti social. mayb just move on as not ur fault

no the parents are not supporting you or him, they need to be cruel to be kind slightly as much as it will hurt them leaving him, he needs to see they are confident leaving him with you..poor mites picking up on their worry and uncertanty and its making him fret..tbh the ages you already have i would say no as you cant give less atention to the other children esp the ones 13month and 11 months..the older ones will play, but not fair on them or you.

no i don't think its going to work out tbh but i'll let them decide that as so far it hasnt affetced the others yet as hes only coming for a short time and the 11mth isnt here then and my older two do play together and my 13mth doesnt seem at all bothered.