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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

I am SO angry, please talk me down

60 replies

TwoTimesTwenty · 16/06/2015 19:14

We have a new nanny after having to let our previous nanny go as she was lying to us (among other things). We hired our new nanny who is extremely experienced, with previous long term positions (15 odd years' experience) through an agency and she has great refs which I checked verbally myself. She is a nice lady who gets on well with the kids. She is well paid at £11 per hour net (we pay all taxes and NI) for a 4 day week, she will also get a good bonus after a year's service. It HAS to work out with her, I can't put my kids through the transition to another nanny yet again.

So today she has let the kids get sunburnt and my 4 year old has a dirty bum as she hasn't helped him wipe it. The dirty bottom has happened a couple of times now, I haven't mentioned it before as I thought it was a one off.

And yesterday she let my 4 year old watch TV for nearly an hour while little one napped despite my having specifically asked her to give him some TLC and read him stories/spend some one on one time with him as he was feeling a bit fragile. Instead she sticks him in front of the telly.

I am SO angry, I feel like she is not trying in this job and that I have let my kids down by hiring her.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/06/2015 20:02

I hate seeing burnt kids. There is no need for it !!!! I would be pissed off as well - tho saying that many times I have got in on a Monday and dc burnt over the weekend so it's not just nannies - but agree it's her job to make sure cream is applied and hat on etc

TV - how do you know it was an hour / nannies don't get a lunch hour /break so when young ones sleep many nannies take a bit of time out - so if an older one it's nice for them to have quiet time for a bit - Esp if been at nursery am

I also teach rising 4's to wipe their own bum ready for sept school

Maybe the nanny thought your eldest could do it - so never checked afterwards and if you didn't mention it ...,,,,,,,,

So I would mention cream and that they got burnt and just say that you want them creamed every day

LIZS · 16/06/2015 20:11

Perhaps she was occupied with lo when Ds was in the toilet? A reminder to check perhaps but yes he needs to become independent. How do you balance both, do you never let him watch tv.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 16/06/2015 22:27

Sunburn definitely warrants a word as this is not on although this once I'd assume misjudging the weather/kids skin rather than anything else; bottom wiping I wouldn't know to check unless I'd be told do give her some slack & just tell her for next time;

AMcoffeeLover · 17/06/2015 07:27

Silly question - did she know where the sun cream was kept?
With a previous family I worked for I couldn't find the sun cream anywhere. Was my first sunny day with that family and had planned a trip to the zoo. Parents in meetings and not texting back so I had to buy new stuff for the kids (which they reacted to so I got a talking to) or not go.
she then pointed out that sun cream was kept with the bleach under the kitchen sink......

YonicScrewdriver · 17/06/2015 07:40

The sun cream is not great, if it was just their faces maybe she thought hats would be shady enough?

The TV - you say your motivation for the 1 to 1 time was that your 4 year old was feeling fragile. She may have judged that a nice thing to do together was watch TV, or that she offered a few things and that was his preference, or he seemed tired and so that was the best thing for his welfare.

If you are against TV altogether then you probably need to say so.

Does she have another time to sit down other than the nap?

I don't think most staff looking after 4 year olds would check their bottoms unless specifically asked. I assume he takes himself off to the loo, she may not even have known he was pooing.

YonicScrewdriver · 17/06/2015 07:42

Oh, and how long is the nap?

Blarblarblar · 17/06/2015 13:37

The sun blocks upsetting but give her but it might just of been an oversight this time ie they didn't think they would be out so long, they were having so much fun etc. definitely mention it, it is important for their wellbeing.
The TV thing though I think you have to appreciate that the nanny needs a minute to unwind herself, have a cuppa and recharge for the next bought of full on kiddy care.
It's such a hard job I worked as a nanny abroad for a few years and the expectations of the parent is by far the hardest part, it is the most difficult job you can do, the pressure and responsibility to care for some else's children is crazy. A nanny will do more with that child in a morning activity wise than a parent will in the whole day. Yes I know you are paying her to but still. As a mother now I see that. If she is kind loving and fun, is that not enough.
Address the health issues and let her have a cuppa while the baby sleeps.

HolgerDanske · 17/06/2015 13:45

I think you need to settle down a bit. Honestly if you get full of rage every time a hopefully minor mistake is made you will never find a nanny to suit.

I know it's worrying and I know it's hard to keep perspective but the better way to go about it would be to discuss it and make sure it is addressed in a better way next time. Also, a nanny is not an extension of you. A nanny might use her probably quite reasonable judgement and decide that a young, fragile child might quite like a bit of relaxation time in front of the telly. If you are going to freak out every time your nanny makes a really quite innocuous judgement call, you and your children might be better off if you were there instead to do things exactly the way you want all the time.

HolgerDanske · 17/06/2015 13:47

And about the bum thing, it's really quite normal for children to have streaky pants once in a while.

saturnvista · 17/06/2015 13:51

Well I would be very cross too. There is absolutely no excuse re the suncream. Was she very apologetic? I would certainly be giving a verbal warning for this.

Re the TV - it's a big deal if it directly contravened your instructions BUT she may have given him attention at a different time and felt he needed down time then. If you want her to read stories at that particular time, you need to tell her.

Wiping bottom, I would ask her what her perspective is. She may have thought the dirty bottom before was an exception to the rule? You need to micro-manage, in my experience. Spell out your expectations and rules very, very carefully. Your children, your rules.

JellyBellies · 17/06/2015 15:44

I think YANBU.
Maybe I have been really lucky with the Nannies I have employed, but if I give a specific instruction such as to spend time with my older one when the younger one is asleep than I would expect that to happen. Or atleast be told something like, I suggested x and y but child was quite tired and just wanted to snuggle and watch.
Surely after 4 weeks she should know what games your child likes to play.

With the wiping, maybe she doesn't realise and you have to tell her.

I would not be impressed with the sun burn but would not expect it to happen again.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 19/06/2015 06:51

My children got pink cheeks this week and I burnt my chest. It was very oversatile and quite windy, it didn't realise how strong the sun was behind the clouds.

car0line123 · 19/06/2015 20:25

I would be fuming if a nanny was putting my child in front of the tv, unless he was extremely unwell/ after hospital surgery or something serious!
I might as well employ an inexperienced au-pair, then I would understand. What's next? TV at school?

Regarding the sunburn, I don't find that acceptable either. My kids never get sunburn because I am careful. I would talk to her about it. Again, there is a difference between nanny and au-pairs, or there should be!

Frankly, I would consider finding another nanny if such problems happen ever again. She hasn't been there for long, I would find it easier to present a new nanny to the children now, before they get too attached.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/06/2015 22:19

Really caroline ??? Wow glad I don't work for you

I don't have the TV on much at work (far less then any of my employers have it on) but sometimes children need a little relax /wind down - as does the nanny need a bit of time out in a 11/12hr day

If an employer doesn't want their children to watch TV then they need to make it clear at the interview

I remember in a job I had with baby twins and said to the mum that one day CBeebies would be her best friend - and she said she wouldn't be putting her children in front of a TV till they were least 3 - and even then only 10/15 mins a day and certainly not every day

They are nearly two and have been watching TV for well over a year - every day / and prob an hour or two each day

Amazing how some change their mind

car0line123 · 20/06/2015 08:49

Really, bondeshavemorefun. This is why I make a distinction between nannies and au pair, I do not expect the same care from both.

Using the tv to "relax/ wind down" is terrible! I can understand that you use it to have time for yourself (even if I don't agree, I've managed without it for years), but there are so many other things kids can do to relax!

If children don't watch it, they don't miss it, simple. If they are poorly, I am happy to let them of course, but why would a healthy child need it?

There should be a level a trust, so I wouldn't remove the cable (like friends of mine do when the nanny is here). You should read the latest studies about the difference in development in children who watch tv, it's frightening.

YonicScrewdriver · 20/06/2015 09:00

What do your kids do when your nanny is having a break, car0line?

YonicScrewdriver · 20/06/2015 09:03

And the OP has not said that she is anti TV, as you seem to be.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/06/2015 09:03

Be interesting if the OP said to the nanny no TV - if she did then that's different

As I said I don't have the TV on much - always have radio - like background noise - but I can honestly say that in every job the parents let the children watch TV more then I do - buts that's their choice

YonicScrewdriver · 20/06/2015 09:16

If I were a nanny I would consider a job where TV was forbidden as materially different to one where it was not, similar to considering a job with a lunch break or not as dissimilar.

TendonQueen · 20/06/2015 09:18

The sunburn is the big issue here and I would be saying straight out that that should never happen again, and you expect her to put suncream on regularly every summer day they go out.
The other stuff I would let go. When does the nanny get her break? It's hard giving either one to one time when you've got two, as you know, and on some days it just doesn't work out. The wiping I would mention to her as something she needs to ask him about when he returns from the loo and send him back in if needed.

I don't think these things are insurmountable. Be very clear about your expectations but also prepared to give a little yourself.

insancerre · 21/06/2015 06:55

This is what you do
Op- "Can you please make sure the children have some suncream on. They were a little red yesterday. Its in the kitchen. Ds hasn't quite got the hang of wiping his bottom. Can you please make sure he does it properly. Have a great day. You are settling in really well. The kids seem to love you. Bye, PFF to work now. Oh and can you please make sure that Ds gets some quality play time. I'm not really happy with him watching so much TV. Bye"

hesterton · 21/06/2015 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stillwishihadabs · 21/06/2015 07:25

Please link Caroline. I find that contention really strange tbh. The vast majority of adults watched TV as children. My dcs learn loads from the TV (and the internet). TV to the exclusion of all else perhaps, but no TV ?

Cantkinsale · 21/06/2015 10:41

We're the children still visibly burnt the next day?

May seem an odd question, BUT, I took my charges to the beach for the day. Used factor 50 for extra protection as was very sunny and warm. One child was fine, the other was scarlet red by the end of the trip. I freaked out (I am a very responsible nanny and was horrified). The following day he was absolutely fine, not a single mark. We (myself AND his parents) came to the conclusion it was a reaction to the high factor cream I had used. I've been with them for years so thankfully they didn't jump to conclusions that I had in any way neglected their children.

Very easy to blame. On the other hand, if she did neglect to put the cream, then yes you need to say.

Artandco · 21/06/2015 10:55

Caroline - my children watch no tv at home. But in their top rated school they watch TV at some point every day!

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