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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

My 'Mother's Help' took ds out of school early without asking me.

54 replies

clumsymum · 07/11/2006 14:17

Oh blimey, where do I start with this?

I employ a lady to collect ds from school and bring him home, give him tea etc. 2 days a week so I can work full days on those 2 days.

She's a mature lady, lots of experience of children, her own grandson aged 8, and I thought very sensible.

Anyway, yesterday I got home to find the house empty. A note was on the kitchen counter. Her daughter-in-law (heavily pg) had a funny turn, needed MH to go and look after grandson, so she'd taken ds with her. She would drop him at Beavers after she had given him tea (I'd left a casserole cooking for them).

When I collected ds from Beavers he said he'd been to MacD's for tea, then that MH had collected him early out of class (about quarter of an hour I think). Also he was late being dropped at Beavers.

I couldn't raise her on her phone last night (I guess visiting the hospital).

But I'm livid that she didn't ring me, nor mention on her note that ds left school early. I double checked my mobile and voicemail in case I'd missed her call, but I definately didn't.

If she had called me I would have left work and collected ds myself, told her to go and see to her family. I wouldn't have suggested collecting ds early.

She's supposed to be coming tonight to babysit, and I don't know how to express my upset about this. I am really angry, but I know I mustn't lose my temper with her.

What would you say?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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lockets · 07/11/2006 14:37

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

clumsymum · 07/11/2006 14:38

Is it not a major thing to be fetched out of class early? I view it as such.

DS is 7 BTW

OP posts:

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:38

not in htese circumstances

and it probably wont happen again

so nothing major

twelveyeargap · 07/11/2006 14:38

Perhaps the call from your CM's DIL came too late to get you home from work in time to collect your DS? Give her the benefit of the doubt for now. Good carers can be hard to come by.

Ask her how the DIL is and tell her very nicely that you really wouldn't have minded coming home early "to help her out". That way she gets the message that you would prefer to be contacted and you don't look like a tyrant over her attending a family emergency.

dmo · 07/11/2006 14:39

i think she did a good job
would you like to be called 15 mins b4 school ends to say pick your own ds up?

i think mc d's was for her grandsons sake if his mummy was in hosp

and at least he got to beavers

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 07/11/2006 14:40

Not 15 mins. If it had been for the majority of the afternoon then I would have been peeved, but 15 mins not a chance in hell am I going to waste my energy getting worked up about that.

bluejelly · 07/11/2006 14:40

If it was happening every day it would be a big deal, a one-off I don't think a big deal personally.

Do you feel annoyed because you feel she has taken a decision which normally only a parent would take?

emkana · 07/11/2006 14:40

I don't think it's major at all.

But I agree with twelveyeargap, make it sound to her as if you would want to be contacted out of concern for her situation. I really, really wouldn't show her that you are angry - she doesn't deserve it IMHO.

lockets · 07/11/2006 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

emkana · 07/11/2006 14:41

In my dd's school the last 15 mins are mainly spent on gathering things together, putting on coats etc.
So I don't think they miss much there.

curlew · 07/11/2006 14:41

Yes, she should probably have rung you - but bearing in mind all the other peices of jigsaw she had to fit together in a very short time, I think she's brilliant that that was the only thing she forgot. Imagine if she'd rung you up 15 minutes before the end of school and said "Sorry, I can't collect ds today" I assume you work more than 15 minutes away from school?. She sounds like a star - don't risk losing her!!!!!!!

emkana · 07/11/2006 14:42

x-post lockets

Original poster

clumsymum · 07/11/2006 14:42

I don't mind her attending to her GS, in fact if she had rung me I could have made it easier for her to do so.

As it was she had to collect ds, drive about 15 miles, then 15 miles back to drop ds at Beavers.

I just would have liked to know what was happening really, he is MY son.

Won't school look down their nose at this?

OP posts:

nannyk · 07/11/2006 14:43

Hi I agree with all the other posters. It sounds like she managed to keep several balls fairly successfully in the air during what must have been a very stressful and anxious time for her. I would not get angry at her, there was no harm done, and okay maybe she should have called you but maybe she felt you had enough to do at work, and she felt she could manage the situation safely and without unreasonable disruption to your ds. I would actually thank her for her kindness and responsibility, given the fact she did perform all her duties towards your family IYSWIM, despite being so worried about her own family. She's a star and chocolates might be in order.

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:43

lol @ lockets and emkana

lockets · 07/11/2006 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

clumsymum · 07/11/2006 14:45

OK OK, I accept I'm overreacting.

Of course I'll ask how the DIL is, I'm not totally heartless you know.

I must make it clear that I want to be contacted in 'unusual circs' in future.

OP posts:

piglit · 07/11/2006 14:47

Why don't you just ask how her dil is and then ask her to phone you if that ever happens so that you can perhaps help her out by collecting ds yourself? If you have a go at her she might just think that you're being ungrateful bearing in mind she obviously had a lot to cope with and still looked after your ds.

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:48

hey, i dotn think you are overreacting, not really

as you say its the first time this has happened, dont beat yourself up

ask how her DIL is, say thanks for being there for ds, and in future she shouldnt hesitate to contact you

dueat44 · 16/11/2006 12:19

If you haven't seen her since, and she's coming to babysit, I bet she raises the subject first. Her attitude will give you a good steer on how you should put your side.

NAB3 · 16/11/2006 12:23

When I first read your post I felt she was out of order. I then see most people think she did okay. If this had happened when I was nannying I would have rung the mum and asked if it was okay to take the child early out of school. I wouldn't have been happy about the McDonalds tea though! I don't think you should make it into a huge problem but you need to make it clear she should have rung you.

busybusymum · 16/11/2006 12:31

I appreciate why you are cross about this but I can see a number of reasons why she did what she did
a) She probably wanted to get to GS ASAP.
b) She proabably didnt want to let you down or cause you an inconvenience.
c)She did what she thought was best for everyone.

What did your child miss in the last 15 minutes of the day?

Is she a registered child carer?

morningpaper · 16/11/2006 12:35

I think you should let it go

Please just ask after her daughter - she must have been worried sick about her - I hope all is okay

hatwoman · 16/11/2006 12:48

I haven't read everything but I do wonder if her age is relevant to her not ringing you. My mum sees "bothering" people with phone calls (especially at work or on mobiles) as really last resort. she has a very different attitude to teh phone than we who are used to being in constant contact. she possibly thought it best to just deal with teh situation rather than - in her view - hassle you. Perhaps you could emphasise that for next time you'd genuinely prefer to be called

Bugsy2 · 16/11/2006 13:23

storm in a teacup Clumsy. She did the best she could. Yes, a phonecall would probably have been best, but as many people said she probably didn't want to bother you "at work".
If it were me, I would sympathise hugely with her stressful afternoon & just ask her to call you if ever a difficult situation arises again, as you'd prefer to help out.

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