Would you choose a nanny that's like you?

[MaddingCrowd]

Clumsily worded title really.

I've met two nannies who I really like but are very different.

The first is older and British, I met her and had a laugh with her, she was upfront about liking a drink etc and felt casual and fun. I liked this because I thought we could get on and things wouldn't be too rigid. She seemed like she'd be a bit
Like my mum. So she's a jolly granny type.

The second is younger and Eastern European and so so calm. Not much of a laugh (with me) or familiar chatting. But I wonder if maybe this is what I need. I'm a bit 'passionate' (ie mad and grumpy and eccentric etc) and maybe my DC would really benefit from having a totally different and calming influence on their lives.

So what do you go for? Do you see it as a benefit to have someone very different from you or prefer someone who seems more like you?

Obviously they're both v experienced, liked them from all other angles.

How many days will she work for you?

If it's 5 days a week then perhaps the one that's more like you. If only for a couple of days, then the calm one could provide more contrast. That's just me though.

I would go for someone different (as long as they were differences that I viewed as positives obviously).

I think it's good for children to have a variety of people in their lives.

Sometimes you see ads like 'we're a sporty family, so need a sporty nanny'. I can see the logic there, but actually if you're a sporty family then the children already have that...wouldn't a musical/arty/intellectual nanny mean that your children get 'extra' rather than just more of the same?

You do want to pick someone that 'feels' right though so if one makes you feel more comfortable than the other I would go with that one. Don't pick someone you're going to dislike just because they're different, but if you like them the same I would pick the different one iyswim?!

I would get someone different. If you really like them the line between employer and employee may get blurred. So if you need to have serious conversations it could be more awkward than it would otherwise be.

I think variety is also different. I'm a whirlwind and my au pair is calm. It's a great balance.

i would chose someone like you

I think it's important that they have similar values/ideas about how to look after children etc. You need to be on the same page with regard to issues such as discipline, communication, responsiveness etc., because the last thing you want is to be arguing with your nanny about how things should be done, or having the nanny judge your parenting. I also think it's important that you get on well with the nanny.

That said, I think it's wonderful to find someone who is able to complement the skills that you bring to parenting with something very different.

Our nanny was wonderful. She had qualities and skills that both DH and I lacked, but we all shared the same basic understanding of what a child might need in order to thrive. Despite being very different, we became firm friends, and we still see each other, despite having moved 200 miles away.

She is an employee not a friend, if she lives in your home 24/7 then you both need boundaries. My friends Nanny dressed in a way that made her DH`s eyes pop out on stalks that used to worry her.

Having a nanny that complements your parenting style is far more important than making a new friend.

One of the biggest issues parents have is addressing problems (even small ones) with their nanny because it is such an intimate employer/employee relationship. This is made so much harder when you have to address problems with a nanny who also falls into "friend" territory.

Then you have the inevitable clashes that people with similar personalities have, something you want to avoid with an employee.

My best working relationships have always been with bosses who reserved, calm, and professional, as it complements my personality (outgoing, chatty, and professional).

The second one - the calm professional one, not the best mate type one