Nanny with attitude

[Mamafoof]

I would really appreciate some perspective here.

Our contract is pretty typical and states that nanny can choose when to have 10 days off and then we get to choose the remaining 10 days off - but in reality, she gets a lot more time off paid as we go on holiday often or take time off.

She told us she booked 15 days (so 3 weeks) off for holiday. I raised that she was only entitled to 10 but then we agreed to park it and possibly see how she could do extra hours to make up the 5 days if that was possible. I have since become pregnant and she will be leaving in a few months as we can't afford to keep her on during my maternity leave. We realised that it's not possible for her to work extra hours (5 days' worth) in her remaining time, so I said that we would need to deduct it from her salary - but we could split it across a few months so it wouldn't Impact her cash flow. I also agreed to see if we could think of when we could use her for babysitting. Since this conversation, she has been extremely off-ish. Barely looking at me in the eye, hardly speaking and trying to avoid me at all costs. I think she has been fine with the children but it has really put a downer on things and I almost dread seeing her now as the tension is quite awkward and I don't want to feel like this every time I leave or return the kids. I think she probably thinks we are being unfair with holiday but it's really a lot of money that we can't afford to spare. We are very fair employers, giving her lots of time off when we can, letting her go early. We also give her £20 a week to spend on food plus she helps herself to our food and we were very generous on her birthday. Overall, she is a good nanny but her attitude has really spoiled things. She often slags off her previous employers which I thought was a little unprofessional and has made little comments about parents in general.

Am I being unreasonable re holiday? Too sensitive re her attitude? I almost want her to go now but she is struggling to find another job. Also, do I mention attitude problem in her reference or leave it as otherwise she is a good nanny?

Thanks for reading. Grateful for your thoughts

Its not that I think you are being unreasonable as such. In fact, at the time she stated she had booked a 3 wk hol you were very very reasonable. You could have refused it or gave it unpaid. You could have been cross. But you tried to be reasonable and offered her a solution where she could pay back the time by doing extra hours etc.
But now you have changed the goalposts and have ended the contract. It is unfair then to change the deal with the extra time. It is a shame the nanny has reacted the way she has though and ruined what seemed like a good relationship.

Thanks for your comments. I think you have misunderstood my point about food - of course, I realise nannies must eat at work! I have no problem with it whatsoever. Which is why we have said she can eat what she wants from fridge PLUS give her 20 to get what she wants. I think that is quite generous.

In any event, as mentioned above, we have decided to find the 35 hours - even if we don't really need them at all. Am still of the view that because I played the nice guy and genuinely thought we could make up the hours. But as it transpired we didn't, she should have accepted the consequences of her booking a 3 week holiday without our consent. And if she had a problem with it, she needed to tell me - rather than sulk around and be rude for a week beforehand. To be honest, it's the attitude that bothered me. I would have preferred an open conversation to discuss solutions.

Yes generous tho again most nannies if they want something not in the fridge /that family have - they would put on the shopping list - and you decided to give her the £20

It doesn't make the fact you agreed to holiday (generous :) ) then as your circumstances changes to take it away again

But glad you have sorted it now :)

Will you be going back to work / having new nanny once baby comes? If so then state in contract that if nanny needs more holiday then legally allowed that she may take the extra time off (if you agree) but that it won't be paid

Then all know where they stand :)