I'm in a bit of a pickle as to whether to accept mothers offer to look after DS when I return to work. I was originally thinking 1 day a week MIL 1 day with mother and 1 with childminder or au pair.
However my adult parents are divorcing and split up after many many turbulent years or marriage. I have horrible memories of moods arguments and general unhappiness at home. I left home at 19 and never returned as things were always on a cycle which went bad. Even though my parents are divorcing they still see each other and are trying to remain friends. There always seems to be drama with mother blaming my father for everything. I think at the heart of this my mother may suffer from depression which she does not recognise or will not accept or seek treatment for blaming it instead on the slow long breakdown of her marriage.
My worry is two fold. I don't know if I can deal with the stress of the latest problem or drama. If mother is helping once a week with childcare I'm worried I will be drawn into things or dragged into issues and selfishly feel I have enough to worry about. I literally cannot sleep when she weeps and is low and drags up what has happened over the years. It is quite literally depressing!!
Secondly I worry my mother will not say when she is having a particular low time and will turn up regardless of how she is feeling. Is it unfair to put her in this position? Should I tell her she needs to focus on her health and wellbeing and decline her kind offer of help?
Lastly I worry about the affect of her mood on DS. Mother is not very good at hiding her low moods and when I was growing up she could be snappy, moody and I generally grew up very resentful of this. She seems fine with DS but I sometimes feel she is overcompensating and worry what if she reverted to my memories of her growing up and became snappy and moody with DS when I am at work? I want to protect my DS from the childhood I experienced even if it is only one day a week.
I've recently said I have had enough of being dragged into the drama and also hinted I may look for a childminder. It would cost me an extra £300 a month but if its the right thing to do I would find the money. I'd love any advice if you have experienced anything similar or have any opinions?
Its so hard with family. I love mother and want her to have a bond with DS but would it be more sensible to keep this for times when I was around or am I worrying more than I should? Thanks in advance for reading.