Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Grandparents helping with childcare in our house

22 replies

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 17/04/2015 19:19

With DD1, she went to their house. Now that DD2 is here I'd like them look after them both at our house. They are all happy with this. Makes sense as all toys/high chair/double buggy etc are here, as well as DD1's preschool being close by. They don't have to stay at the house all day obviously but I don't want to be packing the kids off every morning.

Any tips for this kind of arrangement? I mean aside from the obvious things like getting their favorite drinks/foods/lunch etc in. I was thinking of getting a big diary to write any notes/reminders/thoughts/plans in that we can both use, bit like the home link communication books they get at nursery. I'll be leaving the house before they get here and home after they go (DH works closer so is at home for longer) so I thought this might be a good idea.

Should I expect them to leave the house tidy etc? It usually looks like a bomb site come the end of the day when I'm at home with the DC... I don't want to treat them like unpaid nannies but I think I could see myself getting frustrated/resentful if the place is a shit tip left for me/DH to clear up after being at work.

Tricky when it's family eh? We're massively grateful but want to set this up fairly for all sides.

PIL and my parents will do a day a week each.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RandomMess · 17/04/2015 19:20

I think you have to weigh up the childcare at yours versus coming up to a shit tip...

Which would you prefer?

Original poster

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 17/04/2015 19:26

Depends how bad it is I guess .

OP posts:

toomanywheeliebins · 17/04/2015 19:26

I often came home to a shit tip (I mean a full hours tidying up) when we had a paid nanny. She was excellent in many other ways so I let it slide. It was hideous though especially as I had a nanny that day because I worked a 12 hour day

JemFinch · 17/04/2015 19:31

I come home to a shit tip three days a week, it saves me about £1200 a month so I'm not complaining!

It works really well for us - I leave lunch and tea prepped for the kids, once less thing for them to worry about. I also leave money for their activities but they never take it.

ExitStageLeft · 17/04/2015 19:33

I very much doubt any of the "shit tip" would actually be contributed by them, more so by your children. Presumably you're not paying them? As your husband is home before you I suggest you mention to him how important it is to you not to come home to a mess. Where are your children the other 3 days?

TheAuthoress · 17/04/2015 19:36

My mum occasionally does childcare in my house while I work, and I must say I hate coming home to the house a mess (to me that's one of the pleasures of working, the house stays clean!!) but accept that she's minding our kids for free and saving us money and it saves me trekking them to her house first thing in the morning so IABU :)

Autumndays14 · 17/04/2015 19:37

I have this situation. I don't write notes or anything. I just trust my mother to get on with it. She knows more about childcare than I do! I usually suggest food but she makes it. I see if more as her hanging out with the kids for the day than her being employed by me (I don't pay her!). It isn't ever that tidy when I get back but I wouldn't expect that as she's not my employee and it's not her job.

Alanna1 · 17/04/2015 19:41

I would try a book but don't press it. We use one and it works. I've paid my cleaner to come twice a week - once to clean, and once is really to tidy up when the kids have been at home for a few days. I don't think I can ask grandparents to clean...

Original poster

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 17/04/2015 19:58

Ok ok I used the tidy thing as a bit if an example I guess, I'm not that hung up on it, just wondered what to *expect^...

Happy to not push the diary/book, just thought it might be a good idea...

I guess I'll ask them about how much they want me to do vs how much they want to do re lunch etc

OP posts:

Original poster

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 17/04/2015 19:59

Oh and we have a cleaner and I'd never expect them to clean our house, but things like them putting lunch stuff in the bin/dishwasher is reasonable, right?

OP posts:

paxtecum · 17/04/2015 20:03

I sometimes look after my DGC in the holidays for the day and often the evening too.
I try to tidy up through the day, but really it is quite tiring.

TheAuthoress · 17/04/2015 21:22

When mums coming here I just make sure I've some bread, ham and cheese for lunch, and tea bags, coffee and milk for her. She tidies away dishes after lunch and would clean foot grot off the floor from DD making a mess, but toys are left where the children have flung them and there may be crumbs on the floor.

TheAuthoress · 17/04/2015 21:22

Food grot, not foot grot!!

Littlef00t · 20/04/2015 20:23

Loading dishwasher is reasonable but if you're not used to managing two, they might even struggle with that, and if they do, I wouldn't recommend picking them up on it.

Runnaway · 20/04/2015 20:28

I hated my in laws looking after my two in my house and it was only one day a fortnight!!! But I always got home first and they would never leave. I'm talking 8pm after I got home at 5pm!!! For me it was worth the extra cash for after school club for them not to do it!!

Runnaway · 20/04/2015 20:29

Oh and I always left a slo cooker meal for them all - that worked well and also meAnt we could eat it too.

voluptuagoodshag · 20/04/2015 20:31

If it's a bombsite when you are at home with kids then it'll be a bombsight when they are at home with the kids. If you are getting free childcare I don't think you can complain. If they are as nice as they sound then they'll probably leave the place tidy anyway.

Artandco · 20/04/2015 20:34

I would say no to cleaning, but you wise start now with you and them getting eldest to help tidy toys away before dinner. So then you can say ' we are really trying to get daughter to take responsibility for tidying toys, we are encouraging this every day before dinner, would you mind helping/ showing/ reminding her'.

Advantage is that as children grow they will be able to tidy more and more toys and own stuff alone

GlitzAndGigglesx · 20/04/2015 20:45

Did you tidy their home when you picked up your child at the end of the day? I wouldn't expect to come home to full on tidiness but the eldest could help put toys away

Unexpected · 21/04/2015 08:01

If the house usually looks like a bomb site after you have spent a day at home with your DC, why do you think that your older parents and in-laws should be rushing around tidying up for you?! Maybe try tidying up yourself on a trial basis after a day at home and see whether you think it is a reasonable thing to ask then. In general, a good rule is only to expect the same standards of others as you would of yourself.

Jinxxx · 21/04/2015 18:36

In general, I would say if someone is doing you a huge favour, don't expect them to do it as well as you would yourself, and be grateful for whatever help they do give.

Kathryn2967 · 02/05/2015 17:29

The grandparents look after my children three days a week. I always want them to do it rather than them find it a chore, so make sure the kids are fully dressed, had breakfast and bags packed by 7.30 with fruit ready for a before nursery/school snack if needed. I pack a lunchbox for toddler and always have a slow cooker meal on or a lasagne/spag Bol/fish pie type meal defrosting for tea. I want to make it as easy as possible for them as I appreciate them giving up their time.
In the beginning they found it useful to have a list of suggestions of places to go (including directions, cost, facilities and reviews) or I sometimes see events on and ask if they'd like me to organise tickets. So far it's all gone smoothly but the house it always a mess and they seem to have ice cream every pudding but I let that stuff go as the kids are so happy.

Flip