Suggestions for childcare: aupair?

[Beaker12]

Just wondering if anyone could give me some ideas for possible childcare options.

I have a 3 month old and nearly 3 year old. My husband is away a lot, including for a 10 week stretch over the summer. I am currently on maternity leave and have been lucky enough to keep my nanny on for my son 4 days a week.

My nanny had kindly agreed to change her hours so she started later but was able to help me in the evening until 7 ish with tea, bath and bed and was also keen to help out the odd Friday when my husband is away.

Luckily for her she has just found out she is pregnant and so understandably doesn't want to stay until 7 or do the extra Friday (she also has bad morning sickness so isn't able to work much at all at the moment). I have PND which is under control but didn't cope very well when my husband was away and I had sole childcare with DC1 ( I don't have any family near by who are able to give me a hand at all). I'm therefore thinking it would be really helpful if I could get some kind of childcare help - I wouldn't necessarily want to leave the children with someone ( obviously not if an au pair) but would be looking for someone to give me a hand with bath and bed most nights and then help out on a Saturday morning.

Does this sound like something that an aupair would be suitable for? Does anyone have any other ideas if different childcare options at all?

An au pair would be ok for that role. The only thing to think about is whether you can cope with the hassle of recruiting, having a stranger in your house, dealing with any problems that might crop up on your own (while your DH is away) etc. An au pair can be fab or a complete nightmare, it's a bit of a gamble, particularly if you haven't had one before.

I would be tempted to ask your nanny if she has any nanny friends (preferably ones you DS already knows from playdates etc.) who would be interested in doing the extra hours. I'm a nanny and my family always use my nanny friends for any extra hours I can't do. More expensive than an au pair, but if you were willing to pay your nanny anyway you're not actually any worse off.

Other than that you could maybe look at a student or similar, particularly one who is studying childcare and get them to come in evenings and Saturday morning. I would have LOVED a job like that when I was a student. They may be slightly younger than an au pair would be, but you have the advantage they'll actually be interested in children, will already speak English and won't have to live with you.

Thanks outraged - that was my concern with an au pair too!

I will double check with my nanny, although I think most of her friends have jobs where they tend to work late. The student idea does sound good - is there anywhere where you think it would e good to advertise? I'm guessing trying to find what local colleges there are might be best.

Thanks again for the ideas!

Why dont you employ a summer au pair over a few weeks to see how you go, that gives you a hand and you can see how having an aupair works for your family with no obligation of a longer stay. There are loads of amazing univerity students looking for a summer job, many with great experience. You would be amazed how wonderful an extra pair of hands is!! Even my husband is horrified at the thought of not having an aupair now!!!

Thanks HRH - I'm guessing looking for a summer au pair would be the same places as long term au pairs, so aupair world or an agency?

Au pair world is better, cheaper and not too difficult. There are some brilliant girls at the moment that I have to pass on as I need someone who can stay longer.
ideal candidate

There are several with aupair experience, loads of medical/teaching students etc. Look for the ones looking for a 1-3 m stay from a country that you would feel comfortable with, ie you have interesst in the language /culture, or go on ability ie Scandinavians /Dutch will have perfect English, Germans will often be very good but lack practice speaking, Italians, Spanish and french will have good school english but very little practice speaking, they will all improve with their stay but I have always had Swedish girls as they are fantabulous imho.
Good luck!!!

another fab girl with experience

well travelled medical student

Thanks very much!

I know it's an unpopular move but we have had ap's since little ones were 6 months. I have just found them superb with little ones. Engage well, play, responsible, honest with me, safe. In contrast to the one qualified nanny who had no children and just decided she knew best, caused chaos, had done some kind of "childcare" course. Even with first aid had no idea how to put into practice.
Loved them.
I guess it depends on what you ask of an au pair. Yes mine looked after my kids when young.. But no house work, all meals made in advance, just look after little ones. at 18 they could after all be parents!

Fully agree Chloe, doing a course does not make you a brilliant nanny. Im a registred childminder and my course was 6 evenings worth of playing with playdough and having vague discussions. i am not saying all nannys cm/s are badly trained but people put an awful lot of effort in advising you to pay thousands to nannies and not to have au pairs when au pairs are often highly qualified and far superior childcarers.

Chloe - I don't think its unpopular it depends on the circumstances. If you're exploiting a young girl, expecting her to do a nanny role who is working 40-50 hours a week for very little money, whilst looking after a small baby. No of course that's not right.

I'm sure there are au pairs who can and want to help look after little babies in more a mother's help role.

There was an OP on here recently who was asking about an au pair for a newborn and a toddler, which is difficult for anyone, let alone an untrained teenager, again that was unpopular!

OP - an au pair sounds like the perfect solution for you. I have a couple of friends who have au pairs and their husbands work away and they also like the company of another adult.

No I don't exploit but they do have sole charge (did have) when youngest were 5/6 months.
I just know a lot of people think that it's unsafe to have an au pair. I do disagree but that is personal opinion.

I hear so many au pair horror stories around from friends of our ap's. We even put on friend up and found her another host family when her family were horrendous.

Chloe - there's a huge difference between an au pair having a baby for a couple of hours sole care and leaving a baby with an au pair for a full day. Which were you doing?

When my dc were little then yes my au pairs had them all day. No I didn't have an issue with it. As I said the one nanny I had was a total nightmare. A short course, no experience, an irrelevant crb check, a first aid course, they have no idea how to do.
Our au pairs have lots of varied experience. Our current one did a 6 month internship in a nursery. Our next one in July has worked after a 6 month internship in a special needs school. Ideal for us as our 2nd dc has special needs. Our au pairs come from big families. At leat 2 siblings. Current ap has 4 brothers.
I guess it just depends if you think a course makes you a qualified and therefore knowledgable and safer?
Nearly all my ap's have done some first aid, although I'm an Icu nurse, I can safely say yet to meet anyone who would competently resuscitate and not freak at blood (dh included).
I have great neighbours who are yet to be asked for any childcare help by ap. ( once for a spider removal, once because ap locked herself and kids out)
Also I would come straight home if there was any issues.
I have tbh found its been harder for ap's with a 2 year old and 4 year old than a baby

Chloe I totally agree with you, its all in the recruitment and who you choose. Most au pairs I have met are highly qualified supernannies with more than ample experience. Out of the 4 I have interviewed this week 2 are trained nursery nurses with first aid and experience, one has 4 younger siblings and is a medical student, and the fourth is an agency nanny and full time student in her home country. All have been delightful and I now have to choose. I came here as a 21 y old au pair and had sole charge of a 3 m old and a 3 y old. Was I exploited and used? No.i had the most amazing year with my host family and was treated like a long lost daughter. Im still in touch with them 20 years later!

Looking after a baby all day is not an au pair job, it's a nanny job regardless of where you recruit the carer from. I hope they were being paid fairly. If you were paying someone £70 a week to look after a baby full-time then you were exploiting them. Exploitation is generally unpopular.

If not, then it sounds like a live-in nanny. Qualified and/or experienced person caring for a baby full-time for a 'proper' wage? That's not an au pair, it's a nanny.

I never said full time..
Each to their own.
Everyone expects different things. No nannies for us.
I also worked as an ap/ groom for a baby and horses. I earned a meagre $80 a week best year of my life! A bit like out package ( we pay more tho) cars, fuel,phone, Internet, food, drinks, holidays, only 24hrs a week, friends staying over, pool, next to tropical beach, horses to ride, dirt buggies to drive... Could go on
Most ap families come visit and stay with us too! Not one complaint in 7 years of ap's. All stayed 12 months. All still in contact. One came back to live here!
So no guilt for giving them the responsibility of a 6 month old for 8 hours.
Worked very well for us... 3 times over

I think an AP would be perfect for that role. We live overseas so have no family around. We had an AP arrive three weeks before my due date. We only gave her sole charge of the baby for short periods once he was >5 months, but she was still so helpful in so many ways... Tidying up, looking after DD (4) and doing housework while the baby and I caught up on some sleep after a rough night; dropping off DD at daycare; driving up to the shops to pick up bits and pieces. From her POV I think it was pretty special being around a little bub and having Christmas with our extended family. I would just be mindful of everyone having enough personal space.

Chloe - you're being very cagey.

The definition of exploitation is: the action of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work.
The definition of unfair (in employment terms) is treating someone in an unequal way.

So you are treating them unfairly as an au pair (Woking them too many hours) or as a nanny - which you pertain try are equal too (and paying way too little). Either way by definition you were/are exploiting a young girl.

Thanks cloudyatlas - my youngest would be 6 months by this point so it sounds an ap is definitely worth considering. I have a big house so don't think personal space would be an issue luckily.

I definitely have no intention of exploiting the ap - I was a summer ap aged 17 and was left in sole charge of 3 kids, including a 2 year old. The parents even went away for 5 days with the eldest and left me in a holiday home with the younger 2. With no previous childcare experience and limited French in France it certainly sticks in my mind as an 'experience' (and rather horrifies me now I'm a parent myself!).