Trouble with sharing

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To cut a long story short, I'm looking for a nanny because a) because our nursery is closing soon b) my child needs a bit more personal attention than most nurseries can provide and c) nursery hours aren't long enough to allow me to commute to/from work on time.* (Am single parent so drop offs and pick ups are all on me.)

The additional cost of nanny v nursery though is eye-watering: at least £16 ph v £8.90 ph, where we live, plus I'd need slightly more hours from a nanny.
Everyone (ie well meaning onlookers, usually male, such as my boss or my child's father, who don't actually have to deal with this sort of thing themselves) keeps saying I should get a nanny share, then voila, all the costs are halved and it becomes a better deal than nursery.

I am not averse to accepting well meaning advice so I've been duly looking into nanny sharing, going on sharing websites and talking to agencies etc. I always thought that finding a suitable nearby family who wanted to share would be the tough part - and it's true this is not easy, although I have a couple of leads, including a friend whose child is at my son's nursery currently.

But what I had not anticipated was how hard it is to find a good nanny who would be up for it, even if I offer a premium. The agencies are very reluctant to advertise for a sharing role - and all the potential nannies I've met so far have poured cold water on the idea. They come out with a dozen different objections, and then say it's nothing they would be interested in. I do understand, of course, that answering to two bosses is slightly more complicated than one, and that there needs to be good communication and definition of expectations, but I don't really get why looking after two or three or even four children from the same family should be OK but two children from different families be unacceptable.

Nannies reading this - are you against being shared on principle? If so, why? Is there something I don't know? How much extra money would it take for you to agree to being shared, or is it that no money is sufficient?

*Did consider an au pair but we live in a small flat and my child is very young (and has mild special needs).

Shares are hard as you have to try and please 4 parents (Tho 3 in your case) who may have all differemt views on disapline sleep food routine activities manners etc

Often you do a week in each house so always on the move - need double everything - age dependant - which parents would supply - but buggies travel cots highchairs etc

Also if a share then if one family leaves job could come to an end if can't find
Another share

Holidays are a nightmare as one family may go away but other don't so nanny still work - seems best way is that nanny picks 2 weeks and parents both pick a week each they want and other family cover it so nanny gets time off

Age area experience vary but you are looking at Prob £9/13 gross for a nanny - shares tend to be £1/2 more per hour

If your child has mild sn then a share may not work well

Plus 4 children from one family are used to sharing where as 2 single siblings from diff familiies aren't - they may get 100% attention from parents but when in a share there is onv one nanny and 2+
Kids

Much easier to have 4 from one family

I have found a fab nanny who has three years of nursery experience, paediatric first aid trained and happy to work my hours. She is charging £9ph gross and we're in the South East. I put an ad on gumtree on the advice of a nanny friend and got loads of response. It's worth advertising to see who's out there. Good luck

Hi i have sent you a pm

As a nanny my concerns about a share would be:

• can I transport all the children involved
• how will holidays be arranged, would the families both take holiday at the same time?
• is the house large enough (if a lot of children)
• I would not want to be moving equipment between houses, so would want share based mainly at one home.

Pay wise, probably a 20% or so premium for having to please two sets of parents whose views could differ, though hopefully they match to a certain extent else the share would not work well.

I'm a nanny and much prefer shares

I know loads of nannies who have done shares, but none of them would choose to do a share. A few years ago when jobs were thin on the ground I was one of the only nannies in our network NOT doing a share. It was a share or unemployment. Now that the market is picking up again fewer and fewer nannies are doing shares (in my area, I'm not generalising to everyone).

I would not choose to do a share because;

Parents are always the hardest part of a nanny's job. Why deal with 4 when you can deal with 2 (or even 1).

Moving from one location to another is annoying.

You can get caught up in disagreements between the families.

Shares very often don't last because one of the families moves/has another child/has a grandparent move in/uses a nursery etc. etc. There is more uncertainty than with a single family job.

A share is harder than siblings because you're taking children who don't normally have to share and making them share. You're putting two different routines together. Children from the same family will already be in a routine that fits with each other.

Personally, I like to have a range of ages. I wouldn't choose a job with one baby or with twins (unless the twins had older/younger siblings) either.

The holiday thing is a major one for me.

Having said all that, I wouldn't totally dismiss a share. For me it's not really the wage that's the issue, I wouldn't need a premium. I would want to be able to choose all holidays. I would want to be based in one house all the time. I would want children of different ages. I would need to 'click' with all four parents.

I think your problem may be that you're looking for a nanny before you've found a family to share with. NO WAY would I consider this. How can you say what the holiday situation would be? What the pay will be? Where the share will be based? What activities you want done? What nursery duties you want done? How old the other child is? How they get on with your DC? You can't offer a job when you don't know any of the details! You need to find a family, hammer out all the details and then offer a job.

I also think the small flat may be putting people off. Are you ground floor?

Couldn't have put it better than Outraged

I also think that the small flat may put off both nannies and other prospective sharers. I think people naturally hope that a childcare arrangement will last a good while, and though I do not know how old your son is now, it may be even less ideal in a year or two when the children may need more space and also be eager for a regular change of scene.

Another possible concern, frankly, would be your view that your child needs more attention than the nursery can provide. Given the tendency of naturally fond parents to put a positive spin on any issues, what does this mean exactly? Might it mean he really needs one to one attention at most or all times? If so, where does that leave prospective child number two in this nanny share equation? Parents' view that the other sharer is getting a better deal in some respect is a big risk, whether that perceived better deal is more attention for the other little one, more housework or errands done, less financial overheads or easier logistics.

what about a nanny with own child?

What I said to the nannies I interviewed was that I was considering sharing half their time with one specific family from nursery we've known for 18 months already. Their child is 2.5, mine is 2. The share would be exclusively at our place, because of location logistics.

My child is quite independent and does not need one to one attention all the time, but because he is delayed in some areas, particularly speech, he needs some extra help to catch up. In a nursery setting (where there are between 4 and 8 children per staff member) he doesn't always get it. I explained all this too.
Sharing only half the nanny's time suited the other family and also suited us. My son could do one to one developmental things and go for his SLT appointments etc in half the time, and have a more social play time with his little friend the rest of the time.

Since I wrote the OP a week ago I've thought about the issues raised here a lot, and to be honest I find it all quite depressing. I am sorry we don't live in a fancy house in Notting Hill, it would be nice. I suspect that one of the nannies I interviewed was of the same opinion as the posters above who thought our living in a small flat was off-putting. I wonder if nannies with attitudes like that are in the right profession. If a mother can do a good job bringing up a couple of children in a small flat, a nanny can surely bring herself to base herself in one for a few days work a week. It's not as if she has to stay indoors all day, or actually live there.

@Christmasname Yes, I did speak with one nanny who wanted to bring own child. I'm not against it in principle, but what ultimately put me off was that I wouldn't reduce the cost.

The flat thing is unfortunate, but nannying is a job at the end of the day not a charitable endeavour. Everyone wants to work in the best possible environment. If you want to judge them as being in the wrong profession then of course you can, but I know a LOT of nannies and I've never met one who would relish working with two toddlers in a small flat (particularly if there is no garden and/or you're not on the ground floor). It's not a deal breaker, but it's something that nannies consider. I've known nannies turn down jobs because families have had dangerous spiral staircases, an open plan living space, a weirdly tidy house, don't have a downstairs loo etc. etc. I've also known nannies turn down jobs because they were in Notting Hill and it's a horrible place to work . Many nannies come to love the children and families they work with and would never leave a job if the family had to downsize to a small flat, but at this point you are strangers to each other. Do you honestly expect a complete stranger to overlook what would be their work environment just because they work in childcare?

With regard to the interviews you need to interview together with the other family. The nanny will be working for them as well, no-one is going to accept a job working for someone they've never met. I can't stress enough the importance of having a watertight agreement with the other family before approaching nannies. Shares are harder than single family jobs, you need to present a united front to show the nannies that this will be almost as simple as a single job.

People are trying to help you here! You ask for feedback on why you may be having trouble recruiting a nanny then conclude that nannies who prefer a better working environment are in the wrong profession, suggesting that they have a bad attitude. You have a position to fill which has some significant downsides, so you need to be able to see these from the prospective employees viewpoint, not get defensive and judgemental. Perhaps you would be better looking for another nursery or childminder.

A nwoc would be about 20% less then without child

A small flat for the reasons leeds said could be a disadvantage - it's not that us nannies must work in a multimillion pound house but having a bit of space makes life easier for all - ie large kitchen with table - living/playroom for toys and to play in

A garden a must for me

All nannies must meet both of you - so you are suggesting 2/3 days 2 children shared - and 2/3 days just your child

The "fit" between parents and the nanny is ultimately the most important thing. More important than whether they live in a big house vs a little flat. If I were interviewing for your job and I was not able to meet the other family at first interview I would likely have doubts (even if we got on very well).

That being said, after many years as I nanny I always ask myself the question "Could I work here?". I once worked for a very wealthy family who lived in a split level apartment in the city centre. The lower ground floor was horribly dark (although incredibly luxurious), and it was depressing to have to have the lights on in the middle of the day in summer. Needless to say we went out all the time. I try not to make mistakes like that again.

Good nannies are in demand, and often when they are looking for a new job they are in interview mode (I once interviewed with 10 families in one week). Unfortunately the way you are currently interviewing (just meeting you) doesn't strengthen your case and I'm sure some nannies are having a better overall impression of other familes, because we all know that shares a tougher than working for one family.

I also think your attitude is a bit off. I sometimes hear nannies judging parents and that is absolutely NOT ok. Your decision to go back to work gives us a job, and you still manage to juggle everything which is admirable. Similarly not ok is to judge nannies based on some of the only things in our control (choosing a work environment, choosing the types of parents we work with), and we need to choose carefully because that affects every aspect of our job. We all have different criteria for different reasons, and we're allowed to be just as picky as you are.

Where are you based? I am looking for a job and working in a flat wouldn't put me off. I have known plenty of shares work out fine-the only thing is is sometimes they don't last very long as either one or both families have a second child and decide to no longer be part of the share, or the children start different pre-schools/school and its no longer logistically possible.