CM:Ok at the risk of being shot down in flames again

[StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW]

my mindee whom i 'DO' like, but am having a few teething prbs with while she gets used to us and the way we generally do things...has, over today and some of last week, actually destroyrd some of dd's/playroom's toys..toys that dd has sadi she will share but never the less..it was peppa pig house, dd's christmas present alst year..mindee wanted to play while dd was setting it up, so she stood on it!..cracked handle off, broke legs off charichters and flattend two of the little plastic chairs.

bitten heads off her (little people size) scooby doo and shaggy and threw dd's talking dora across the room into the wall and it's no longer a talking dora and the sally car from cars we just bought has had its face ripped off.

she has done most in front of me, others whilst im out of room ie doing lunch..

I have taken away the toy, explain if she trys to break things she doesnt get to play with them and tell her its wrong to break/rip/damage toys especially those that are XXX's (mine, meaning not her own!)..but it doesnt seem to register?

Wow - how old is she?

Have you had a word with mum to ask her about her behaviour at home!
I know its part of CM but I would be annoyed! There is only so much we can put up with!

oh yeah and your not being paid are you???
I would be well annoyed!!!

i'd be fuming! you will have to replace the toys that your dd is upset about as its not fair on her, i would def talk to the mum and ask her if she can cover the cost, at least half the cost? as you're not even being paid!

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why aren't you being paid? how old is she? and are you on notice or having a trial?

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I agree with the other posters, ask her if she can cover the cost. I too would be fuming ....

thanks for the replys, im not sure wether im doing the right thing these days.
she is 3 and her mum isnt paying me at mnute as Ofsted have completely delayed my registration(which today i have been told is not just waiting for inspector to 'clear'!?)and i am not officailly registered although i have completed all training, have proper cover and completed first aid etc.

last wk someone suggested as things were up and down that i dont mention everything to the mum, so i really didnt know wether to say anything about this..being that she may bugger off when my reg finally comes through in hipefully a week or so!

i speak to mindee clearly and calmly and then ask her if she understands and she says 'no'???
today (diff issue) she spat her food out onto table and i asked her why as shed been eating it well..she said 'on lions head'(lion pic on kiddies table)..i asked 'yes i know where it is, but why did you do it'??..what did you do it for??...dont know??, so i removed spat food and her plate of lunch and said she should leave the table now..she just got up and played???
i dont want to over do time out or similar and TBH have enough prob trying to get dd to eat, so didnt have energy to 'scold' or something..just didnt know???

i really want to make this work, but am so concerned over getting it right, that im confusing myself!

BTW as dd DID eat all her meal at lunch she got two halloween chocs and a few wotsits..mindee tried to take as i put them down, but i explained she couldnt as they were only for big girls who eat there meals....when her mum came 4 hours later..mindee came up to me and started crying to me "sweeties please?!"
mum 'does' know..no meal, no sweets tho'

It sounds to me that you maybe shouldn't have a child to mind the same age as your dd, of course you are going to favour her, and maybe dd gets jealous when you have the little girl? Not saying that you do favour your dd, but sometimes when I read your posts it sounds like that.

At the childminder I use, all the toys in the playroom belong to the mindees, if her dd's have favourite toys, or toys they don't want touched or broken, they know not to leave them in the toyroom, CM makes it very clear to her own dd's that if they are in the playroom they are free for all!! Is there any way that your dd can keep her toys seperate from those that the mindee are allowed?

i have told my dd that tys in playroom are those which she must share..she has been asked several times to remove toys which are special, that she may not want to share..but she only picked a handfull.
we 'are' moving dd to large bedroom after christmas, so she can keep her own lot of toys up there and all out, but she usually doesnt mind sharing..i dont say they are dd's, i say there Joe's (mine) and although they are here for all to play with they have to be looked after otherwise they brake and no one can play with them.
i 'do' try not to favour dd and get both sides of story when things happen, but obv this other child isnt mine and she doesnt do things the same way my dd does. i speak to dd if she isnt sharing or being unkind to dd and ask her to apologise etc, same as i do with dd..sometimes i think i go 'past'way the ther way as opposed to favouring dd.

but with reg to the destructive behaviour concerning the toys..would you (facebovvered as i read you are parent as oppsed to Cm) expect to pay for damage to toys if your LO had quite intentionally broken them?..thats not a dig, serious question as most CM's have said yes

speak to dd if she isnt sharing or being unkind to dd..meant mindee

Oh yes, I definitely would pay for toys if DS had intentionally broken them, definitely, but he isn't 2 yet and doesn't do things on purpose. I'd like to think that by the time he is 3 he will just know to repsect others toys and property the way he does at home. No, I totally understand what you are saying Strawb, really I do, I was just suggesting (But it seems you have already done it) that your dd put special toys out of mindees reach.

Thanks Facebovverd, i sometimes seem to come across as 'well what would you do smart arse' when i actually say 'what would you suggest please'....yes i understand dd shouldnt havet o share everything unless she wants to so thats being sorted, but as my dd is so perfect..nah, but she is very respectful of hers and other peoples things, i dont 'get' when children do these things 'just because' and would love to know how to make her realise you just dont do it!??

just with her mum, although balls in my court really it all feels so informal at min that i dont feel right handing her a damages list and a pay by date!!!

I don't want to 'shoot you down in flames' but 3 is soooo young. I have 4DC's and the middle 2 are 4yrs and 2yrs and no I wouldn't expect them to behave like you are describing- but children of this age rarely have behavioural problems that you can't help them out of when they are in your care. tbh I think you should terminate the contract, I can see what facebovvered is saying about when she says that it sounds like you are favouring your own child. I have rules regarding if you don't eat you don't get your pudding but

she spat her food out onto table and i asked her why as shed been eating it well..she said 'on lions head'(lion pic on kiddies table)..i asked 'yes i know where it is, but why did you do it'??..what did you do it for??...dont know??, so i removed spat food and her plate of lunch and said she should leave the table now..she just got up and played???

You could have said "its not nice to spit, youv'e been eating very nicely come on you can finish it properly" Most children of 3 wouldn't have been able to reply to your question about why did you do it, and imo it was harsh to remove the plate and what did you expect her to do when you told her to leave the table? cry? argue? she did as she was told.

hi xena..i did initially take away that spat food and ask her if she was going to eat anymore(didnt think it was relevent earlier?maybe it was) and she said no..going by last weeks probs of crying instead of telling me, i wanted to bypass that, but when i mean she just got up and played, no i most definatly didnt want her to cry..i just wanted her to understand we 'dont do that' but it went over her head?..maybe i am expecting too much, i dont campare her to dd as dd is5 months older and at this age is a world away, but i dohave two friends children and my niece all 3 withing weeks of echother who are able to understand these things and as much as i understand age doesnt determine your ability, i do wish i could find a way of helping her understand what sh may do elsewhere, doesnt meen i happens here and also help her learn to look after things not break them

sorry spelling was shocking there

as you say the varing differences in comprehesion of things play a part at 3. Having said that it is easier to retrospectivly look back and say "what was I expecting in reply from that". IME the way you hope that they will behave and the way that you actually do when they reach a certaing age are completly different. I know that there are a number of c/m on here that would rather take on an under 5 than and 5-11 yo because of the problems that you will experience with this age can far out way those of the under 5's (although you also get real gems like I have who have far more patience with my 2yo in the mornings when she wants to re dress herself 2 mins before we leave for school!!)
I didn't meant to imply that you wanted the child to cry
Anyway going back to my point when you said--- 'yes i know where it is, but why did you do it'??.. Having looked after many 3yo I would have said the majority wouldn't know why they did it? what could the answer have been? "I wanted too" "I wanted to see what it looked like"
IME the best way to have dealt with it would have been to say its not nice to spit, youv'e been eating very nicely please don't spit it out again come on you can finish it properly" and then continued to encourage her. If after this she wouldn't comply then I would have said well you won't be able to have any treat you better finish your lunch properly now.

oh and as you can see from my post I never bother with spelling or grammer

Sm - this might sounds silly - but there are jus some children you don't connect with - I have had several

Sometimes it is better to write it off as an experience

I'm not saying that this is the case here - but sometimes it just doesn't work

In a roundbout way I was also trying to make the point that when you have looked after a wider range of mindees then you might think that this behaviour although not great is a lot easier to deal with than snide whispering bitchy behaviour that you experience with older children.

obv only some older children

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