Unsettled 2.5yr old with nanny.

[Lilylulu]

Just needing some advice really. This is the third nanny I have hired for my 2.5 year old DS. (First one was a brilliant more mature lady who ended up having to leave as she needed surgery, second was lovely but was a teacher and ended up getting a teaching job)

The nanny I have currently started in January - three days a week. I'm not particularly sure how to word this - there's nothing 'wrong' with work, she's always punctual, feeds my son what I ask her to, takes him to the activities I request. It's just there is no bond. My son wakes up in the morning and one of the first things he says to me is, 'No nameofthenanny today? Please Mummy..' It breaks my heart. When I leave to go to work he sobs and sobs and sobs. Real tears. He didn't used to do this with either of the other nannies.

I appreciate that he is a different age now so that could be why there is more of a separation anxiety issue. I always give him lots and lots of reassurance, cuddles etc and tell him I will be home to soon. The nanny, whilst trying distraction techniques does not offer any comfort as far as I can see - and does not seem particularly warm in general. His behavior with her is also deteriorating in general (tantrums etc)

When I come home from work he runs to me and says that the nanny has been 'very cross.'

Of course, she may have every reason to be, but I don't really want that to be the lasting impression of the day for him..

Not really sure what I am asking - thoughts opinions. The old nanny came to do a couple of days last week and he had an absolutely wonderful time, no tears, and behaved impeccably.

We hired a Friday only nanny to cover the day our usual nanny couldn't do. DD responded in exactly the same way. We tried Nanny arriving with a new toy that she and DD could play with and talk about. Help with the bonding process. Your little one is probably quite bright so your nanny is going to have to put some extra work in to win him over but if she's any good. She'll get there. Even after the toy idea, DD would still say "no nameofnanny" and cry when she arrived. We let her go isn't he end as I couldn't ignore the fact that they just didn't click. You may have more luck with 3 days and an older child. good Luck!

Have you discussed this with the nanny, and asked her to try and improve her interactions with your son? If she can't/won't try and improve things then I think you should try and find a nanny that your son has a better connection with.

Sometimes bonds just don't form, she may be able to care for him and make sure his needs are met but that's it. It's a shame, I would think she should be making every effort to comfort him and make him happy. If situation doesn't improve I would move on. It doesn't mean she is bad at her job at all, not everyone fits together, we all have our own personalities and 2year olds know who they gel with already!

I couldn't leave my child with someone I felt had no bond with them... I'd have to find someone else or look into nursery (is that an option? At 2.5 years old many children are actually more settled in a lively nursery environment). I think you have to assume there's a valid reason why your child is so distressed and really dislikes the nanny. When my dd was little and I worked full time she formed such a bond with the carer I had that she often called her Mum when she was very little! That was a bit weird but I was reassured she was happy and seemed very content.

This happened to me. I started a job, and when I arrived in the morning I could hear the tears start upstairs, the little boy was 3. He and I got on very well, and I loved the time I spent with him, but he didn't bond with me initially despite us doing lots of fun things. He was a sensitive little boy who liked to "be good", and I began to realise that my disciplinary approach was far stricter than he had ever experienced as most of my experience had been with challenging, unruly children. The overall impression I think he had of me was that I was a bit scary and disapproving.

Mum and Dad never said anything to me about it, but I wanted my charge to think back on his time with me and feel that he'd had a happy day. So I changed my approach, and we bonded overnight. For children, it isn't rational, it's a feeling they have about people. This is just my experience, and sometimes it's a training issue for the nanny. Is she very strict?

please OP find someone else for your little boy, these years pass so quickly .

btw I had an au pair for my children and she was downright nasty to them when I was not there.

It is a big adjustment for him particularly at his age however she has been with you for a couple of months now I'm surprised there's no improvement.

I discipline the children in my care as does anyone however they have never described me as cross. If they are in trouble it's dealt with and we move on (btw rarely happens that I have to correct them, I'm not constantly giving out). We have loads of fun together I would not like their memory of our day to be a negative one.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I think the best course of action is for me to have a chat with the nanny and see if we can't improve things...maybe if I can get her to have a softer approach he might warm to her... Thanks again!