Finding an au pair as a single father

[DadEmployeeIndividual]

Sadly I'm reaching a point where I know that my wife and I will be going our separate ways. Having been marginalised with my elder daughters I am clinging on to remain a central part of my young daughters' lives. I have been here before and know the mistakes I made before where my older children are concerned in relation to providing for them emotionally. If I leave the family home I know I have to be very prepared in order to maintain the level of involvement I have now. Ideally I would like to have as much shared care as possible which is feasible given the fact I work from home a lot. I believe that an au pair is the best way to provide for my children alongside the need to work to provide for them and the rest of my family. a) any suggestions on how to best approach finding the right au pair as a single male? b) any other suggestions on providing the right childcare other than an au pair?

Are you intending for the au pair to have full-time childcare when your children are with you? Because that's really not what they are there for - you need a nanny for that.

Drop off and collection from pre-school and school before and after work two times a week as well as some babysitting. Assisting me in providing a home. Not full time childcare.

That sounds fine - as people were saying on another current thread, au pairs aren't supposed to be used for babies, either, but if yours are school age then that's sorted.

You are essentially looking for a housekeeper, right? If you only have your kids two days a week, then the rest of the week it will be cooking and cleaning for you? If you are looking for long-term, you might find it easier to hire a professional housekeeper anyway, as au pairs will come and go, and you will have to spend time and energy with each changeover. (Housekeepers are about £10 an hour.)

Yes, two days during the week in terms of au pair. Alternate weekends as well but it will be me caring for my daughters then . Part of thinking about an au pair is to have someone who is not linked to the past or local environment and specifically there to be part of and support the home environment.

Maybe consider a male aupair so it is not seen as a mum replacement.

I think this is a tough one as I wonder how many young women would feel comfortable with a live in au pair situation alongside a single male (casting absolutely no aspersions on your good character OP, just having a wonder).

Can you handle the drop-off and collection yourself twice a week and maybe hire a housekeeper so you have weekends free to spend with your kids?

I think Cindy and Panna make some good points, especially about maybe considering a male au pair. It would probably protect all of you - and as Panna said, with a female au pair it might be a bit awkward, since you are supposed to be providing a home from home. I have no idea about your relationship with your wife (apart from the fact that it's over between you), but a male au pair might reassure her, too, and avoid making future relations even more fraught.

Your aupair job would probably be great for someone wanting to study or have a lot of free time! There are always single parents (several dads) advertising on aupair world. Log in as a aupair and look at other families ads to give you an idea of what to write in your ad and what to expect.
Have a good think about what you need the ap to do on the days the children are with mum, write out a schedule so you have a clear plan of action. Good luck and have a think re a male au pair, I think its a good idea!

I think it may be a lot to ask ... from your children's point of view ... having somebody living with you full time and helping to look after their home, them and dad etc. Au pairs are often young and inexperienced and will not hit the ground running. I do not think it is a good idea as the whole change of care arrangements between you and your wife, the split and then the au pair on top of it could be very very unsettling for your children. Don't forget that au pairs don't stay long ... I would outsource the childcare to take place outside the house ie afterschool club or childminder and employ a housekeeper/cleaner for a couple of hours a day/every other day or whatever to do the cleaning or cooking. You can find a babysitter for the odd occasion through an agency or ask around. That way you will have more quality time with your children and you won't have to consider anybody elses needs except your children's and yours when they are with you.

What about a live-out mother's help? Cheaper than a nanny but would muck in a lot.. Drop the kids off, chuck a load of washing on etc. most of the agencies (Tinies, Heavenly Au Pairs etc) are experienced in finding them

I am a single Mum with an au pair. I have never found recruitment a problem. My DD's relationship with me definitely benefits from us having an AP as I have to spend less time doing jobs. Our AP does a fair amount of the getting homework done and also provides a buffer when quite frankly I just need some time to myself.