New mattress for childminder's house?

[LovedayCareyLewis]

I have found a lovely, very experienced Childminder for my DS. He will go to her house where she minds 2 other children (2 and 3 years). DS will be 9 months old when he starts with her, by which stage he will be on 2 naps per day.

The childminder has a cot for each of her charges where they take their naps and I am wondering if I should insist on buying a new mattress for my DS. Money is not the issue but I don't want to come across as very fussy. I know that if he were in nursery (the nurseries I've viewed), he would not have his own cot and there would be no question of his own mattress. However I really don't want to take a risk with my DS's health. He is not a great napper so I will be buying a spare video monitor and asking the Childminder to use it to make sure he is not upset etc. I will also be viewing the cot to ensure that the bars are narrowly enough spaced. I will be supplying grobags. The childminder's house is absolutely spotless, she is a lovely lady, my son loves her and we have countless glowing references (including from friends) for her.

WWYD?

At nine months I wouldn't bother. The sids risk is much lower at this stage.

Won't she have a monitor already?

I think if you want that much control over things a nanny might be better than a childminder. When you use a childminder you are using a service you don't really get a say on what she does. You child may or may not have both his nap in a cot. Most likely is one will be in the pushchair on the way to a group.

I you employ a nanny you get to say where your child goes and where he sleeps ect.

Another thought it is highly likely that your child will be sleeping in a travel cot so bar wont be a issue. Unless she has a big house that she has set up as a sleep room the whole time even when not working this is the most likely to be the case.

If she does have a permanent cot, she may appreciate the offer of a free replacement mattress, but it's not really necessary.

CMs check sleeping children regularly and many have their own monitors. If she has other children sleeping in the same room, then you cannot have remote access to that room.

She may appreciate the offer of a grow bag, but the children I look after who sleep in grow bags at home, sleep fine with sheets and blankets at my house.

Have a chat with her, but remember that she is offering a service and will decide whether or not she wants to take up any of your offers. She doesn't have to.

The whole mattress and video thing is just ridiculous. You'll piss her off before you even start

Try and relax a little

If you want to do this without offending her, but a mattress with something "special" about it, eg hypoallergenic or made from goats hair or something and say does she mind, but the baby has sensitive skin... Better than saying, I fear you have used this mattress with dozens of (puking/peeing) children, though that may well be the case! I would share your concerns tbh.

Buy, not but

At nursery we used Gro bags and her own fitted sheet in cot. They did this anyway but I'd have insisted on it.

You're the type of parent I dread!

I think I sent a grobag into nursery with the DCs in case it helped them settle - not sure it got used much but it was there! Same with special cuddlies.

I doubt she will switch to a video monitor - nursery used to check on a 10 min cycle anyway.

Unless the cot is very old, I think the bars will be find but check if you prefer.

I think you might need a nanny! Admittedly I insisted that the ILs didn't use the 10 year old cot mattress for my pfb but I didn't think twice with my second.

Oh Dear, please be careful. you're going to really offend / piss her off here before you even start!
All cots comply to safety standards so please don't insist on inspecting it.
The mattress issue, as pp suggests, go for something obscure and SUGGEST and OFFER but don't insist if she says she is happy with her mattress.
try to relinquish a little control. I know it's hard, but remember she does this for a living. The best approach is to realise that she will mostly do things her way, with your baby's best interest at heart, but a good CM will also work with the parent and try their best to accommodate the parent's wishes. in a good parent / CM relationship it is very much a partnership. Much more so than a nursery where you get basically no say so at all, but not as much as a nanny whose actions can be dictated by the parent.
good luck and your baby will be fine ( you may not for the first few days but you'll soon settle in!!)

I agree with Adsy and several others above. You could easily come over as controlling and rude if you try to tell her how to do her job. I'm sure she doesn't need a video monitor to spot whether a child is upset, and if she did think she needed one, she would have bought one herself at some point during her long childcare career. I think a successful relationship between parents and childminder depends on trust and a similar parenting approach. If you feel you need to micromanage, you probably don't have that.

Hmm well as a cm I would say yes to the new mattress as long as it was mine when child left as I wouldn't want the expense of buying another. Yes to video monitor but I can hear children sneeze in their cots at my house and I check and record checks on sleeping babies so it may just gather dust! 'Inspect' the cot!? A quick peek at where they will sleep would put your mind at rest surely. Will you take a swap to check for lead if it's a really really old one!? I would give gentle reassurance that I have done this job for 20 odd successful years, it's normal to be nervous about leaving child and try not to get too anxious!

I can understand your concerns about a new mattress but its OTT just for naps for a baby of 9 months.

The monitor on te ther hand s inappropriate, she has other children to care for she can't stare at a screen everytime your DS has a nap. I can't see the other parents being too happy about that either.
If its soley to hear him then a normal monitor will be just fine.

I understand leaving your baby and placing your trust in a childminder is difficult but that level of micromanaging his enviroment is only going to cause problems for you all.

On the other hand it is....that 2nd para should have read.

Thanks those who posted constructive and informative replies. I didn't mean to come across as a micro manager. The use of the word "inspect" was inadvertent and misleading - all I meant was a quick peek to ensure that all seems ok. The CM offered to facilitate this without me asking. As I think is clear from my OP, I have a lot of trust and faith in this CM and in her experience. Having taken on board the general consensus I will back off on both the monitor and the mattress unless she raises it. I was posting for a sense check of these matters from experienced mums/CMs so am very grateful for that.

Lucky I'm not sure that I should be the type of parent you dread as am a nice person and only worried about my son's well being, but if your comment is reflective of your attitude towards anxious first time mums, then i reciprocate your feelings.

I am a Childminder and I can see both sides.

I ALWAYS insist parents go up and look at the cots I use and the spare room they are situated in. I also use a video monitor and If I didn't and a parent offered to buy me one I would jump at it.
Regarding the mattress, I understand your concerns and I don't think I would be that bothered but it might be difficult if I had lots of children who used the cot ( I don't have and all my Los have their own cot) as the cm would have to remove and replace the mattress every time your lo would want to use it - where would the cm store a spare mattress.
I think a chat with your cm would be useful - if she is like me she won't poo poo you and listen with respect and answer honestly.

Hope that helps

OP - I can quite understand where you are coming from. I'm now the parent of hulking teens, but when mine were little, and especially my first, I asked the childminder if I could see where she would sleep, wanted to know if I could supply a new mattress, and gave instructions on exactly how my PFB should be fed their organic minced food that I lovingly provided.

The CM was lovely, and was quite happy to humour me / support me with my possibly over-anxious questions.

I also popped in to the nursery in my lunch hours when they moved on, and was quite happy to watch them potter around on the monitor for as long as I could.

Sounds to me like you think your CM is fab, and you are very happy with her skills and ability, but you are understandably initially nervous about leaving your child with someone else for long stretches of time . Quite normal.. I don't think you sound like a micro-manager at all and I'm sure your experienced CM will have seen it all before and be happy to reassure you.

Good luck - it's horrible to leave them at first! but you'll relax in to it as you build up trust and experience with your CM xxxx

It's not true that all cots will have passed safety standards and so be ok. My drop sided cot passed safety standards, but has since been withdrawn from sale. I have also seen a horrendous story about a child who died becoming trapped in a Cosattio cot - the company had already issued an extra part to make them safer but obviously not everyone got to hear about it.