Au pair question - when we go out….

[MrsFogi]

I'm wondering what I am and am not expected to invite our au pair to at weekends. e.g. this weekend we are all going to go to my mother's on mothers day for lunch. Am I expected to invite our au pair to this sort of thing (I know my mother will not want anyone but immediate family)? What about when we are invited to friends' houses as a family (I'm not sure I'd be delighted if I invited friends and they brought along an au pair)?
Obviously the ap may decide she doesn't want to come along but I'm trying to get an idea of what host families are generally expected to invite their aps along to (or not).

I do not have, and never have had an Au Pair, but I wouldn't expect them to be invited to any of those things - surely that would be her time off ~ chance to visit something she wants to visit, or to Skype her family, or to do her washing or just sleep ?

I think you should be guided by your knowledge of each occasion. If the au pair is likely to be welcomed and treated warmly then she should be invited (on the clear understanding that the choice is hers). If I felt it would not be enjoyable for her at all, I would say something like, "We are going to a family do tomorrow. You are welcome to come but to be honest you would probably be bored! Enjoy a long bath while the house is quiet "

I imagine your au pair will have weekends to herself? I finish on a Friday and I don't see my enployerd till Monday bar the occasional hello etc in Kitchen.

But I guess im thinking as a nanny, but I'm sure she won't expect it.

I always offer our au pair the option to join us if she wishes - if I feel it is appropriate for her to come, and I always ask the host (be it a lunch out or visiting someone at home) first. Sometimes she has come along, i.e. going out for brunch on a Saturday when we have family staying over, visiting our friends in the next town who also have small DC, etc. She often makes her own plans at the weekend anyway.
It has been easy with her though, as she feels more like my friend than an au pair.
I think it is nice to include them where you can, but no need to take them along to everything, particularly to something like a Mother's Day lunch.

I'd say it depends on the situation. In the two you mention, I'd say not, but if you were taking the kids for lunch or to a local theme park or something for the sake of it I'd say that inviting her is part of the course.

We only include our au pair in weekend outings if we're going to somewhere neutral e.g. restaurant with family, or if we're doing something interesting e.g. going to a museum (which is very, very rare).

She wouldn't join in if we had friends over for lunch or if we were going over to someone else's for lunch and she wouldn't (or wouldn't want to) join in the dull activity schedule for the weekend i.e. football, cricket, swimming lessons.

In the weekly schedule I give to her on a Sunday, I also put in our weekend plans so that she can sort out her own weekend plans. She often goes into London with friends or going shopping in town. This weekend she's off to Liverpool.

I wouldn't dream of inviting my au pair out on the weekend. This is her time off to do with as she likes. My au pair spends the days in London, meeting friends etc.

Our au pairs are usually invited if we go out just us and the kids either to do something/visit somewhere or eat somewhere. We don't tend to invite to extended family meals or meals with friends (except for occasional BBQs where an extra mouth is not even noticed). On the whole the APs join when invited for the first month or so and then they tend to decline as they have made friends and lives of their own. I find in the last month they often join in again as they are feeling nostalgic for their year with us,