Silly question about au pairs

[stinkingbishop]

So Twin B now has chicken pox, politely waiting for 2 weeks after her sister, hence they will have had between them a month off nursery, and I have been juggling work like someone who's just been tossed some very sharp and very burning balls...

It's. Just. Not. Working. Them being in nursery and my trying to work, that is. I'd already had a thread before on this subject, apologies, but DP is insistent an au pair would be the answer to our dilemmas. I think not - because I can't expect someone of au pair age and wage to be picking them up from nursery if they're ill in the car (which I would have at work anyway), nor to look after sick, small (3) children. Can I?? Or is there a sort of level in between au pair and nanny?

The problem is when they're fine, everything works fine, IYKWIM. So I'm not paying for a fullblown nanny to sit there twiddling her thumbs for weeks on end. So someone who was a foreign language student and could occupy themselves would make sense, it's just there'd be the odd week like this when I'd be making extraordinary demands. Would any au pair be happy with that? Competent enough?

Yes you can get a mothers help. They are more experienced than au pairs and can be left alone with young children and they work more hours PW than an au pair.

Check out Phoenix aupairs.

£150 PW is the pay.

Or you could have a nanny and not send them to nursery until they are 3 and get the free hours allowance, that way if they are ill etc the nanny will just carry on as normal and look after them.

Why would a nanny be twiddling her thumbs for weeks on end? You wouldn't be paying for nursery and a nanny, so the nanny would be doing the childcare?

Alternatively, could you find yourself an emergancy nanny, who would come and help out when you needed, but worked with others when you didn't need her?

Plenty of housework at a nanny could do, if you can find one who does not mind doing it. Very common for children to attend pre-school for a few sessions a week, whilst nanny catches up on household tasks like the bottomless laundry basket which having several children creates.

Does DH really want someone else, especially a teen/twenties person, living at your home?

Children are ill but it is not all the time, so if current arrangement works, is it not worth sticking with? How long till the children start school? That would be the time to rethink childcare requirement, though alas it gets tougher to arrange things as school holidays are long, there are various closure days, the school day is not that long and children still get ill.

I was going to suggest a nanny. Cost is usually cheaper when have 2 children let alone 3

If not then maybe a temp /adhoc nanny when kids are ill - tho obv no guarantee you will 100% get one

CP is a pain - and ESP with siblings and usually won't get it same time even if both saw the same friend - so a month is normal - a friend once looked after 3 children and over summer hols they all got it 2 weeks after each other so all 6 weeks were ill :(

Thanks everyone. God, 6 weeks! That makes me feel kinda lucky!!

I've got them in nursery deliberately to counteract the twin thing and so we can make friends, having moved here quite recently. Has worked brilliantly - when they're well!!! So not keen on going to the nanny option.

I guess, yes, a combination of gritting my teeth, because it won't always be this way, getting DP to see that, occasionally, it might be appropriate for him to take time off too, and putting together an emergency black book is really the only way to cope...oh that we all still lived in huts and a whole village reared a child....

Yes, it's your DP that needs to step off and take an equal amount of time off when they are sick.

Cp only happens once, best not to make a long term decision based on that.

If they are both in ft nursery that should work 99% of the time. If you need extra domestic help get a cleaner or mothers help.

When they start school get an sups I to fill in the gaps.

'Sups'?? An au pair!!

We have three kids and an au pair. Our youngest is in nursery. On a normal week the au pair works 25 hours doing school and nursery drop offs and pick ups and a little light housework. If any kid is ill she stays home with them and we pay more. Obviously that's not every week. If they are really, really sick I stay home as its too much to ask of her but actually I think she'd be fine.

It works a dream for us and the au pair is happy to occasionally earn more. The only diff from your situation is no driving is involved.

HTH

We have an au pair, but I think your H is being slightly silly (no judgement - I would be thinking foolish things if mine had chicken pox back to back!) if he thinks you should pay for an au pair to live in your house 'on standby' in case your twins are ill....!

You could definitely consider having a nanny instead of nursery, and s/he could look after them if they were ill. But, yes, your H needs to take off as much time as you do, really. Unless your jobs are so enormously imbalanced in importance and earning power that it's unthinkable.

But even then he should still take time off, to help you, because they're his children too, to share the load, because he loves you, because everyone sometimes needs time off for dependents, because even highly paid and responsible people can send a positive message to their organisations by taking time off when needed... and most of all he should take time off just in order not to be an arse who assumes his wife is in fact his own personal default nanny.
Ahem.

I hope things get better for you. You sound desperate and I'm not surprised. Is so hard when they're so small. When they're bigger and it's not such a big deal for someone else to look after them for a day, and you can easily do the same in return, it all gets so much easier.

Thank you

Found an emergency nanny for the next 4 days, thank bloomin' God!!!

I think a weekend summit will be called with DP....

I think an emergency nanny for when they're ill will be significantly cheaper than an au pair in the long term.

An au pair will cost you a minimum of £70pw pocket money, plus her food and the increased bills. Unless your twins are sick all the time it will be cheaper overall to pay the extorionate fees of an emergency nanny for the few days a year they're ill than to have an au pair on constant standby.

That's not even factoring in the added stress of living with a stranger. It can be great. It can be a complete nightmare. It's a big gamble if you only need somone 15 days a year.