Thinking about a nanny - very nervous, need help

[peainthepod]

Hi,
This is my first time posting and I'm looking for a bit of advice/ reassurance. I have 3 children aged 4, 2 and 3month old baby and have been offered a wonderful job starting in the new year. I have pretty much been a SAHM since my eldest was born and have just used a day nursery for my eldest 2 here there and whilst doing freelance stuff.

I wasn't planning on returning to work F/T so soon but this job offer really is the chance of a lifetime. So I'm thinking of a nanny as 3 full time places at nursery costs ?1700pm.

So my questions are - will a nanny be cheaper than nursery, will a nanny be better?, how do I find a good nanny, and how do I reconcile my guilty thoughts at going back to work and leaving someone I don't really know in my home and with my precious baby??????

Also, forgive me making a stereotye but I always assume posh families have nannies.........we are not posh, or have loads of money, we live in a very normal semi-detached house in a very normal neighbourhood, we have no foreign holidays, swimming pools, car, annexe etc to offer a nanny so would a nanny even want to consider a job with us???

I'm not bothered by the nanny doing any housework, ironing, cooking etc for the children. Just want someone who will enjoy looing after my children, play with them, take them to the park and ensure they are safe and happy, make them some sandwiches for lunch.

Sorry for the waffle but feeling quite ill at ease with this whole process.

Oh, welcome to MN!

I have a nanny and I am not posh! IS it a live-in position? And where in the world do you live that 3 full time places is only £1700 pcm. You'd pay that for two place in my neck of the woods.

Whereabouts do you live? Nanny costs vary, & it's usually related to how much the nanny's own living costs in that area would be. So, if you're in a small town costs will be usually be lower than in a hotspot like central London. Have a look on the nannyjob website, or bestbear.co.uk to get an idea of what the going rate is for where you are. Ring round some local agencies too - they're quite used to being asked, even if you don't want to use an agency to find a nanny.

On poshness: what I always hear from nannies is that perks are utterly unimportant next to how nice, co-operative, friendly, down-to-earth, good employer a family is - you sound perfect there! And after "niceness", the next most desirable incentive, from what I've seen, is a little baby - so there you go.

Hi,
Thanks for replying. I live in Leicestershire, the £1700 is accounting for some part/time funding for my pre-schooler and the 10% sibling discount although I haven't checked if they'd discount for 2 of them! Actually I worked it out myself so maybe its even more than that

I think with 3 it will be far easier to have a nanny. If one of yours gets ill and the other two get it one after the other, you could be in a situation where they are all off nursery for weeks. Notwithstanding the fact that a nanny is normally more convenient.

One of my friends had a nanny who she said was absolutely wonderful. I think the technique to getting a good one is probably to be thorough in your interviewing, same as for any job. Also, be as detailed as possible in any advert about you, your family, expectations, etc. I will ask my friend if she has any tips and get back to you if she says something useful...

I think you would find a nanny a far better option-aside from the obvious of a better adult/child ratio and them being cared for in their own home the stress level reduces significantly.
The stress of dropping off/picking up and everything that taking children to nursery involves is replaced with cicvilised breakfasts and a much calmer start to the day.

I am not posh and live in a very average house,both nannies I have both said that beign treated properly was more important than having their own flat and gym membership.

I only have one dd and a having a nanny stretches me unbelievably financially but it was a conscious decision before I even got pregnant.
I wanted her to have one to one attention and be in her own home-in addition,I have crazy hours sometimes and drive a huge amount.The stress of worrying about picking up dd from a nursery if there was a crash on the M25 would send me loopy.

I would ring some agencies for a salary guide but I have always found (and Uwila will back me up on this) they do inflate their numbers.

Good luck and always come back for more advice-there are plenty of us with nannies on here and also some pretty nice nannies here too.

Thanks for the input so far. Just to clarify it will be a live out post (are they harder to recruit for?). And the hours will probably be 9-5 only as my husband starts work at 10.00am and I will finish at 4pm so will be home by 4.45pm. Can I negotiate a lower weekly wage for these hours? They will only need to make lunch for children, and don't really want them to do their laundry or clean their rooms etc.....

We won't have a car available either so hoping that won't be a problem. There is a park/ library/ toddler group etc though and my eldest goes to pre-school every morning so most of the morning is taken up with drop off/ pick up from there.

How do you find working full time outside of the home? I'm quite nervous about the transistion although its only been 4 years since I was doing this

I went back to work when dd was nearly 6 months but do work from home a fair bit so not qualified to answer that bit.

Live-out nannies are actually far easier to find and the hours sound great.A nanny's job typically includes all child related duties-so all the kid's washing,ironing,cooking and cleaning their areas,changing their beds etc.
Whilst you say you don't want them to do this,nannies do expect it and also if you are working full time I think you may well be very glad of that bit of help!Unlikey you would be able to reduce the salary much as they would be unable to get another job to make up the additional amount.
As for the car-many nannies have their own and will charge you 40p per mile if they need to use it in relation to their job.

Most important thing in all this is to interview very carefully,check and double check references and go with your gut feel.

9-5, with a mum home by 4.45, is - if you can believe it - "short hours" for a nanny and pretty desirable! I am not certain, though, that you'll be able to pay much less - maybe a little - but the main advantage is, I think, that you'll have loads of applicants and find it easy to employ someone good.

Don't sell yourself short on the duties. Most nannies will really expect to do "nursery duties" (so children's laundry, etc.) - we had one nanny who would genuinely have preferred it if I'd left all that up to her, because then she always knew where she was with all the admin stuff. Also it is nice for you to have some of the routine taken off your shoulders - you'll be quite tired once you start having to juggle home and work.

Yes, I agree you should hand her the laundry, ironing, and tidying of the kids laundry/toys. I think you are crazy not to. Especially if you can't find someone who wants hourly pay. She can earn the extra pay by doing a bit of the house chores.

You will find that a live-out nanny costs a bit more, and takes a few m ore sick days according to statistics. However, the fact that they normally come with their own car is certainly a bonus.

I would suggest starting by putting an ad on nannyjob and gumtree.com and see what response you get. Ask them to reply by e-mail attaching a CV and a pic of themselves. (you can learn a lot from the pic) Then, those whom you like, you can send a questionaire (which I will glady give you if you CAT me -- I am Uwila. Boowila is my halloween screenname). Then weed through the questionaire responses you like. Pick about 5 of them and strike up some clarifications and email/chat correspondance. By this time you should have an idea of what they want to earn and you can see what's in your budget to offer.

By all means call the agencies (but wear a nice crucifix - or other appropriate religeous symbol - for protection ). Take their recommended salary, and knock 30% off of it for a starting point.

And last but not least.... NEVER NEVER NEVER discuss salary in NET. Pay in gross. Her tax is her own. Don't take it on.

As Uwila says-photos can tell you a lot-as can their email addresses!

I have recently had applicats with hotmail addresses such as "sexy_chick,Hotgirl,and no word of a lie hotandwet"All @ hotmail

So call me old fashioned and judgemental but I didn't even open their cv's-I just didn't think I would have anything in common with people who chose those email addresses and therefore could not imagine sharing a house with them or leaving my child with them....tkae not nannies with dodgy email addresses

will a nanny be cheaper than nursery

It will depend on several factors, so can't confirm that at this stage, though as Employer you dictate what you pay your nanny, though keep in mind activitiy expenses.

will a nanny be better?
It will be a consistant person for your children, rather than having a variety of carers at nursery. As your children have been home based all their lives, having that consistancy may help them to adjust to you going out to work. A nanny can be more practical than a nursery, for example nannies will typically care for a child who is mildly ill (though not serious illness), may work different hours to that offered by a nursery, and will do some domestic chores in addition to careing for the childre - though with 3 under 5's, do no expect too much (washing clothes I consider is fine, but ironing them as well may not prove to be safe).

how do I find a good nanny
The best come via word of mouth. A local advert can sometimes work wonders. Looking on the Internet and contracting Nanny Agencies to hunt for a nanny are other options.

how do I reconcile my guilty thoughts at going back to work and leaving someone I don't really know in my home and with my precious baby?

Leaving your children with someone for the first time is always hard. Try as best you can to get to know the nanny before they officially start. When I was in the position of starting with a family with young children for parents who had never had a nanny before, I spent an hour or so per week, getting to know the children prior to officially starting.

As a nanny I do not work for a posh family.
If the hours fit with what the nanny wants, if the location fits (I work in a village a 5-10 min drive from my home), and if the nanny feels they will get on with the children, then it can work.

I'm not bothered by the nanny doing any housework, ironing, cooking etc for the children.

Sounds ideal to me. Under my usual contracts, I do cooking, but other things are not contracted. However, when I get the chance, I do put washing in the machine, hang it out to dry, vacumn the house, clean the kitchen surfaces etc. We (the children and I) have even cleaned the car - toddlers love playing with water!

From your expectations, I expect you should be able to find a nanny who fits with your family. Caring for 3 under 5's isn't easy, so as employer if you are not expecting too many household tasks, the nanny will have far more time to be bonding with your children, taking them out to explore the world around them, and helping to educate them.

I went from au-pair & nursery combo to nanny when I was pregnant with second child and it has been fabulous - I will never go back (although I do still send DS to nursery/Pre-school because he loves it so much)

Those hours you mention are short so why not add on an extra hour or two each day for general housework/ ironing? That way when you get in you can concentrate on the kids and not fret about the housework?

I used greataupair to find my nanny and was most impressed by antipodean applicants - they seem to have a great can-do attitude and seem to be willing to pitch in with everything cheerfully. As well as having my son do hours and hours of structured play that he loves, my ozzie nanny does all the laundry and cooks a family dinner (on top of the kids dinner) every night. And I worship at her feet.

Whiffy, I am interested in your aupair/nursery combination. How old was the younger one when you got an au pair. Did she have sole charge?

I've been toying with the idea of downgrading from nanny to au pair when DS is 2yrs and DD is 4. Au pair would have to do scholl/nursery runs on the bus, but have the bulk of the day off. The attraction is that is would enormously reduce my tax burdon. But, then I think I'm probably living in a fantasy world with the idea of an au pair looking after a 2 year old. So it will probably be another year before I implement this plan (when DS is 3 1/2).

Uwila-I long for that day too!!
Have a feeling it wont be until dd is at least 3 though but boy would it help financially.

not read all posts at all.... just your original post

the worst job i ever had was with a VERY wealthy family.... with super enormouse mansion, pool own gym... etc (my own 2 bed 2 ensuite flat + car + unlimited £ to spnd on myself in waitrose!)
the house ws so big it had 6 stair cases and not 1 but 2 LIFTS!
I hated it... lasted 3 weeks and wouldnt go back even for £1000 / week! It doesnt matter how big your house is but what kind of person and boss you are... and some wealthy people treat you horribly... while other more "normal" people can be much nicer to work for!

whilst its fair to say i do work at the moment in a big houses, many of my nanny freinds do not, and lots of us dont work for the super rich!

but people like who just want their children looked after!

I'm a fairly ordinary mum who went from a childminder to a nanny when our C/M moved away and I couldn't find anyone locally. We used a fab nanny and we all loved her and she is a family friend now. Since then we've had a variety of people - ranging from minding in our home, a part time nanny, a mother's help and at the moment have a fabulous after school nanny who brings her own little one. It's really a question of what you can afford and what you can find locally. I think it's worth the (not that much) extra as I just come home and the child is here with a lovely warm house and all happy to see me! Our nannies/CMs have always been really flexible but I think you get back what you give, we use nannytax, provide a contract with paid anual leave and are flexible when we can be for time off and she is the same, not minding the odd lateish eveining if we get stuck at work (rarely but occasionally). You could also try a nannyshare with another family, try your local NCT newsletter? Good luck!

Boowila - we used an au-pair just for the runs to/from childcare and to do the tea and bathing at night ready for bed, with bits and pieces of help round the house here and there. She had sole care only between 6pm and whenever we arrived home (and for babysitting of course).This worked really well. Our last au-pair was able to go to college 2 days a week which she loved. The downside to aupairs that we found is that you sometimes have to do a fair bit of 'mothering' to them sometimes and they can be a bit selfish at times. Oh and their concept of really hard work can occasionally be a bit lame - hoovering the house would exhaust one of our au-pairs and she'd have to have a good long rest afterwards
All in all I think an au-pair is good for what you suggest, just keep a sense of humour with you when you do it..

Oh it is tempting. How old were your kids when had this arrangement?

I'm not posh either, but I had a nanny last year when I went from p/t to f/t as I have twins and local nursery was full, nearest one to my work couldn't take them before 8, so nanny was easiest option really. I just have a couple of points you might want to consider -

The first note of caution I would give is that the basic cost of the nanny is only the beginning...as kids will be at home it will cost you more in terms of heat/elec/food and also for any groups you want nanny to take them to. The second issue is that although we had already negotiated a leaving date, as no longer needed, she found out a week later that she was pregnant - we would have been liable for mat pay, would have had to find a new nanny and had we terminated her contract after her news, might have found ourselves on dodgy ground! Also, when she was ill one of us had to take time off, which doesn't happen with a nursery (altho I realise does with c/m or if lo is ill & at nursery)

Having said all that, I don't want to put you off as she was great, loved the girls and did 7.30-5.30 daily, so gave them breakfast & dressed them, which helped with getting out of the house in the morning (important consideration!) so I would reccommend getting her to start a little bit earlier just to help you out. She also did the DTs washing & ironing and kept their playroom tidy. She is still in touch with us since leaving and I don't regret employing her for a minute

You can get around the risk of long term commitments (like redundancy) by writing a fixed term contract. The nanny contract can begin on a specific day and ends exactly 12 months later. Then you don't risk nanny falling pregnant and having to cover her maternity leave, and then still have the position available on her chosen return to work, and so on. The bad thing is you may end up with a lot of turnover and that may or may not be good for your kids.

I don't agree... if you were to say renew a fixed term contract, then I feel that a tribunal (if it ever got to that) could rule that it was a standard employment contract, and thus redunancy would apply.

Fixed term contracts can be useful though to cover for an employees maternity leave.

If taking someone on under a Fixed Term Contract, please read the following information from Direct Gov .

I have had a nanny since I went back to work ft when my oldest was 6 months.

We started with a nanny share as we couldn't afford her to ourselves (we're not posh or rich either!), then when money was a bit less tight, when my second son was born, moved to a sole nanny.

For me it was the only option - my children would be in their own home and would get much more attention. There is the obvious advantage that if they're ill there is still someone to look after them rather than you having to take time off work.

I know that you have 3 little ones, so they will take up a lot of her time, but I would seriously recommend that you include the children's washing/ironing in her contract - it will really take the load off you. Don't underestimate how tired you will be when you get home from work!!! I think most nannies would expect to be asked to do this (although equally I'm sure they'd be delighted not to have to do it!)

We still have a nanny, although only part time now as my boys are 14 and 11 - frankly we don't really need her now, although I like the fact that there's someone in the house when they get home from school. Although I work from home I'm often away at meetings so the house can be empty.

We have only had two nannies - our first for 5 years and the second for 9 years. People often say "aren't you lucky", but I can assure you there is no luck involved. They have both been exceptionally nice women, but I have always made sure that I treat them really well and have been very generous to them. If I couldn't afford extra pay, there have been other bonuses along the way to make sure that they want to work for me. (If it sounds cynical, it's exactly that - they are a hugely precious resource and you really want to make sure that they don't leave!)

Others here have given great advice; I definitely recommend Nannytax, and make sure you pay on a gross basis. A contract is a good idea, and I would also recommend that you decide up front what you do and don't want her to do with your children. One of the families we shared with were impossible because they had loads of (sometimes odd) things they disapproved of (processed food being one), but hadn't made this clear, so our nanny was always in the wrong and always being told off. If you don't want your children to eat processed food, for example, it would be a good idea to define what you mean by that as this caused all sorts of problems for us!

Good luck!