How long for children to adjust to new nanny?

[elsiewoo]

Would appreciate any advice or experience from nannies and parents....

Our nanny has been looking after Dd 1 and DS 4 for just 4 weeks. She is only our 2nd nanny ever, the previous and first nanny had to leave for personal health reasons after 2 months, which was a huge shame and upset.

Current nanny is lovely, experienced and has bonded well with DD, but DS, who is in reception, is not happy. She works 3 days and obviously DS doesn't spend huge amounts of time with her, but he is rude, throws tantrums, tells her he doesn't like her all the time.

I really think in time he will settle, it has been unsettling for him that I have gone back to work after maternity and he's had 2 different nannies already. However, I'm terrified our nanny will leave if his behaviour continues.

Should I just give it more time?

Hey there,
Don't sweat it. As a professional nanny I've been through this lots of times before. It's harder to establish a bond with older children especially if mum has been off for a long time and they've gotten used to having her around. In my current job the eldest girl was 4 when I started and I was coming in after mum being off for 10 months maternity leave and also them having a bad experience with the previous nanny which they only found out about after she'd left. There were a lot of tentative moments at first but by giving her consistency and being there to play with her, have fun with her, help with homework etc she eventually warmed to me and now we have a fantastic relationship.
I'm sure your nanny will have experienced this is the past with other children she's looked after and if she's worth her salt she'll take it in her stride. Even with little ones going through seperation anxiety around 10 months it can be a slog getting a child to feel comfortable around you, and toddlers throwing tantrums and demanding mum can drive you nuts too.
I will say the best way is to leave them to it and not get involved. Your nanny needs to find her own way to deal with your child's behaviour towards her and your child needs to come to realise that she's parts of his world now. If you can back her up with the rudeness part of it, by explaining to your child that it's not on then it helps a great deal to show you are a united front and no matter how much your little one kicks off.

One thing that I've found helps with older children is to have some one-to-one time with them. Difficult when they've got younger siblings but if you could finish work early one day so that she could do the school pick and take him out for a treat - swimming and special tea out for example, it may help.

I've had a few jobs where I have been the first nanny after the birth of a sibling and all 3 times it has been very hard work with oldest child...all 4 yrs old...as a professional nanny we understand this and will make allowences...and I went on to have a lovely relationship with all of them...took a few weeks..and in one case, was a bit hairy...but the parents were brill, left me to it and backed me up if needed...I found talking to the older ones, explaining that I was here to stay, wouldn't put up with rudeness...but we would have fun and eventually we would be friends...I also acknowledged how hard it must be for them...new sibling and mummy back at work and then ME!...it will be fine...support your nanny, let her find her own way with dealing with your DS and yes...I second some time doing fun things with 1st child...good luck

I had this with an older sibling at a similar age. He apparently asked for me when I wasn't there, but whenever I walked into the wrong he said 'I don't want nanny' etc. the mum was clearly embarrassed by it but after about a month he said 'but I prefer mummy' and we both said 'good! You're supposed to!'
I think he thought we were trying to replace his mum with me, and as soon as we had that convo, something switched and he was lovely with me. I stayed with them until youngest went to school :)
Don't panic!

Thanks so much for the replies, really appreciate it and you have assured me that this is quite normal, especially at 4 years old!