CM CLUB:AAAAAAARRRGGH ..HELP PLEASE!

[StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW]

mindee 3 yrs 'chose lunch herself(even from shop then asked for it at lunch) gave them what they wanted..an hour later, mindee still sat with hers(very small portion i might add), so i move table to living room so she can eat with no toy.dvd distration...ccrys, i explain she just needs to eat enough, then she can come back in...crys..falls asleep at table..i move food away...wakes up in foul mood, i asked why she wouldnt eat lunch and why she was being silly instead of just saying either she was full or she didnt want it?..she crys...i finally get her to stiop crying, back into playroom and whilst d is sat having her snack of pancakes and 2 choc coins she got from SIL..mindee takes both choc coins off dd's plate and eats them (well one of them, got the other back)...i asked her why she did it..she cryd, i took the other one off her, she...well you can guess....shes now back in the living room crying...ive cuddles her(pushed me away) spoken to her, taken her away from distraction, tried to reason with her, comforted her..no good...im getting no were and shes in such a bad mood shes not willing to play??

It sounds like she might be coming down with something? Is she usually that emotional/irrational? My last charge used to behave exactly like that just before coming down with tonsilitis (she used to get it 3 or 4 times a year!) so I would dose her up with calpol, make a Dr's appointment and await the inevitable high fever and illness. Maybe call the parents and see if she has been ill/showing signs of being ill overnight. I hope she feels better and cheers up soon. It's really tough looking after poorly munchkins, I am currently looking after twin 1 year olds, both with streaming colds and teething with a vengeance - not fun!

Please someone!..just been to speak to her again..still wont talk, still on and off crying..this is no way to spend her afternoon and im not having any fun either, but i cant just say oh go on carry on..you d what you like, doesnt matter wether you made dd cry or that you spat your food out on floor, when i wouldnt let dd do it or have spent all this time trying to sort it out.arrghh

she is like this when she doesnt get her own way, she crys, but im not getting anywhere...she had a cold not for about 2 weeks and is no different..told mum she fell asleep at table and she said 'awwwww'.
how do i tell her that shes been in living room all day crying on and off without her thinking ive been a wicked old witch..i really have been trying to 'get through' to the child and help her, understand her, but she obv thinks just crying will get her what she wants?

It probably does at home thats why you are having problems .

,,,

Please excuse me barging in - but I have seen some of your other threads about this mindee!

It sounds to me as if you don't actually like this child very much and I think that might be part of the problem.

It must be hard for her if your DD is always right and she is always wrong, when in fact it is probably just that your DD is used to your rules and she is not.

Is the living room actually 'time out' if so then for a 3 yo I think you are completely over using it - I thought that a minute per year was the norm for time out not 30mins plus. You seem to be carrying on and on and on the argument over lunch - why wasn't she just let back into the play room to play after a quick discussion once she woke up?

I think that she sounds pretty miserable tbh - possibly time to give notice and find a new mindee?

Apologies if I have got this all wrong - but I'm only saying what I have put together from the various threads so far

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yes you have got it way wrong.

i think a lot of this child and am trying to help her in everyway i can hence my post asking for help...i do not have much experience and am asking for help from other more xperienced minders.
she was not given time out.
she did nothing wrong.
she was moved to living room(perfecctly nice room but no toys) so she wasnt distracted by wanting to get up and play with something.
have you not read the parts were ive said i spoke to her lots to try and find out what was wrong, cuddled her and tried to find out why she was crying???

if i didnt like the poor child i would have left her, not botherd if she ate anything and let her cry till home time..

very wrong assumption.

i spoke to her mum tonight and told her exactly what has gone on today and she has told me, she does this all the time at home and being a single mum who studies full time, normally gives in and lets her dd do what she likes..ie eating behaviour etc

my dd is by no means perfect but im not posting on parenting/behaviour etc, im posting on CM..some days my dd wont eat lunch has tantrums...but being her mum i have more experience and knowledge of how to deal with this, i dont with someone elses children..hence my request for advice.

but thanks, feel like a t*at now for asking for help

we were out from 10am until 12ish walking collectiong conkers, leaves etc..at home they both said they were hungry, they both said what they wanted, she took one or two bites and started crying..i didnt know if she was ill or what?..stopped crying but then pre occupied watching dvd which i put on to chill them out through lunch as had hectic morning.

yes it has been miserable today, pretty shit infact.
she is my first mindee and i have no experience in looking after other children, i dint know her before i started looking after her and thought i could get some constructive advice and help, not slated for asking questions about her behaviour.

I am sorry if I've got the wrong end of teh stick - but I still can't understand why she was crying all afternoon in the room that has no toys - rather than in the playroom - when you said that when you told her she could go to the playroom if she stopped crying she did so straight away?

I do realise that you posted on CM club which is why I aplogogised for barging in

It just seemed very wrong to me that an argument over not eating lunch lead to her being in teh living room all afternoon crying rather than in the playroom with the toys.

no my dd is 5 momnths older and i dont compare them, i adjust everything for mindee..thats what equal ops is all about!

thats what i wanted help with.
she was not 'made' to stay there, the door wasnt even closed, she was not told to stay there, she was moved there to eat meal, then fell asleep then wouldnt come back in

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Sorry - x-posted.

She sounds really miserable - so I do hope some of the CMers come along soon to help you out.

ok calm down

i know how you feel strawberry, im new to cming too and it is much harder with someone elses child.

i think its because the mum ocnstantly gives in taht she crys to get he rown way, that is not your fault and it is hard and you have got to be consistant, the rules you have you stick to, she must leanr she doesnt get away with whatever she wants as your house. dont make a bigt deal out of her not eating her lunch its simple, if she doesnt eat it you tell her thats ok but she wont get anything else and then take it away and she gets nothing else, no tantrums etc.

it is very hard when you are just starting out.

im having problems too at the moment.

just to make you feel better i will tell you about my shit past couple of hours (before this we were all having a fab time)
mindee was having some chill time at about 4pm watching his fav tv programme dd1 (7) decided that as he had annoyed her the other day (like he would remember! hes only 3!) she would annoy him so starts jingling bells right by him i telll her to stop and she says "well he annoyed me the other day!" and so he kicked her, (hes been doing this alot lately) so i put him on the spot as i do everytime he kicks, spits at her or punches while im telling him why he's there he starts hitting out at me, because i've now switched the tv off and hes fuming because he was minding his own business watching his programme when all of a sudden all hell breaks loose............so now, hes missed out on his last sticker of the day, he hasnt had pudding and hes going to bed early (as his mum has said she wont tolerate this behaviour and these are the punishments for violence)
so my dd1 as she caused all this is going to bed now (usually 7.30) and hasnt had stickers or pudding either.

so come on please can you all tell me where i went wrong and how i can sort this out for the future as this happens everyday and i really love mindee and dont want to lose him because of my dd1's jelousy? btw i treat them both equally and spend as much time as i can with her when he's gone, obviously i won't today as dp is just about to bring dd2 down for me to feed and dd1 is going to bed now.

Is dd really in bed???

to be honest, i think i would just let her go without food if she wont eat it all. if she only has a couple of bits, so be it. if she says she is hungry later, just give fruit or raw veg. just let her get used to you and dd, dont put tv on when they eating and if she is genuinly naughty use the bottom stair or something, do 3 minutes out but explain why and then say no more about it. But make sure your dd has the same treatment. you will soon get there and she will gradually start to slot in with everything. try not to moan (sorry if wrong word) to much about her to mum, she will think you cant cope and lets face it no one want to hear someone running there little angel down all the time, even if they are a pain at times. have a glass of wine, plan a fun packed day tomorrow, and try to ignore all her little foybles, (dont know how to spell that) you will be fine.xx

yes dd really is in bed, dd2 goes at 7pm so if dd1 is naughty she goes half an hour before rather than half an hour after.

thanks lovemygirls and frannyfoo

i think i will be best to leave her not eat if shes messing about.

my dd also gos in the livving room to finish eating if shes messing so mindee can play happily in playroom.

i didnt say too much to her mum, just wizzed over it and said she was now fine, but i was concerned..mum was fine with it.

thankyou soapbox..so do i

hapymumof2

"no one is slating you. I'm not sure why you are getting so defensive.
If it's not the case, then just say so. Normally when people become defensive it's because someone's hit a nerve"

posts like that get me defensive..i am just starting out, thinking i am doing the right thing by asking for advice and from the only place i know where and people assume i hate the child and you've..'hit the nail on the head'
as i am new, i am trying to make sure i do things 'by the book' ie: by asking other cm's what they do.

my other posts about her were one: she trashed the playroom and i wondered what steps i should take to ensure she knew it was wrong and two: i had concerns over her hygeine and wanted to ensure she was healthy and clean.
how on earth does that show i dont like the child??
makes you wonder!

actually because its half term i said if she was good she could stay up til 8pm, trying to give her an incentive to behave as shes been doing this for a couple of weeks now and im being very strict with both of them, probably more on her because she's my dd1 and because she's alot older than mindee and knows what she is doing and knows my rules and is pushing it to the limit now.

strawberry if you want some support you can msn me on [email protected] lets hope we have a better day today!

so far so good, the kids are reading books with each other and baby is happily playing on the florr next to them its very sweet!!!

thanks Lovemygirls, i dont have an msn account, ill have to find out what i need to do?

well we went to cm /playgroup this morn, got there late cos mindees mum was 1/2 hour late and when we got there it was finishing 1/2 hour early!..hey ho!
came back and girls were hungry so did an early lunch..they asked for soup and a crusty roll...TODAY is dd's turn...one mouth full and saying she didnt want it..asked her to eat some more..wouldnt so took it away..her face was priceless!...mindee asked for another roll..but had one bite and started crying!!...am thinking more and more this is just what she DOES...again i had to second guess that she didnt actually want anymore??? and took it away...phew! avoided having to ask for help again today thank god, dont thin id have botherd TBH!
dd and mindee playing daphne and velma happily and waiting for mindees dad to come(1/2 day) then were off to solicitors with my mum to sort out getting house signed over to her from t*at of ex husband!...BUT...kids have been fine and over all better day