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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Help!! My CM lost my LO for half an hour, what would you do??

83 replies

Loukev08 · 04/02/2015 12:21

Hi all

I'm currently so upset at the minute. Yesterday I had a message from my cm asking me to call her when I was at work. I knew it must have been important as she never does this.

Anyway basically she had collected lo from school (he's 4 and immature for his age) and apparently lost him after crossing the busy main road outside school. She took the other kids back to school and got the teachers and older kids looking for him. He was finally found scared and crying for mummy walking alongside the main road by a lady and some senior school children. She told me he had run off and hidden behind the nearby bus shelter and she hadn't thought to look there even tho she said the older children she collects regularly run there. I was lost for words and in shock but when I finally got home my husband and I were so angry that we pay this CM to protect and keep our lo safe and she didn't. When I walked him this morning I viewed this bus shelter and because of its design you can see all the way round it as it's clear glass and if lo went behind it he would have been easily seen! I sat lo down last night and chatted to him and he was really upset and asked me not to leave him again. He also said she shouted at him and told him he was very naughty, I have since discovered from the teachers and headmaster today that when CM collects the children she never holds their hands or gets them to hold each other's hands and they are always running about everywhere, to me this is NOT acceptable for 4yr olds when you on main roads.

When I spoke to her about it she got very upset and when I asked why she stated "people will talk about me behind my back and the teachers will bad mouth me to parents" hmmm excuse me but no mention of losing a little boy just her own selfishness.

I have totally terminated my contract with her with immediate effect and she now wants 4wks pay as per the contract but I am not paying her as I feel she was in breach of her contract by not protecting my baby.

I just wondered what other ppl thought please and Tia xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Loukev08 · 04/02/2015 15:57

Well just been to school to collect lo and she totally blanked me and refused to even make eye contact she had 4 kids with her none holding hands then the teacher pulled me to one side and whispered hope you reported her!! I think I have made the right decision...

OP posts:
sweetboysmum · 04/02/2015 16:04

She does seem rather unprofessional, not responding to your attempts to contact her. Suppose she was afraid of a shouting match at the school gates today though? If I were her, I'd be really shaken by the events, and be ensuring they all hold hands now! 'unless of course the children she had were all older and responsible. The fact that the teacher said that to you, I'd be curious to dig around to find out exactly what happened.

WLondonMum · 04/02/2015 16:12

My CM insists on holding hands or backpacks with a rein. She also won't let them ride their scooters until they are in the park. The thought of losing a child for half an hour is just horrifying.

JassyRadlett · 04/02/2015 16:26

If she lets the older kids do it then it's entirely predictable that one of the younger ones might try to do the same - so the situation is avoidable either through having better and more consistent rules for behaviour for all kids, or recognising she's created a risk she needs to manage.

Original poster
Loukev08 · 04/02/2015 16:46

The more I dig the more things I find, she got married last year and has failed to change her name with Ofsted, thought this would be mandatory, plus it's only since I've asked to see her lost child and school collect/pick up policy that she has ignored me... I don't do confrontation and I certainly wouldn't make a scene as I know she still has a business to run but that doesn't excuse her not replying to communication??

OP posts:
LuckyLopez · 04/02/2015 16:49

No it's no mantatory to change your name. Plenty of women don't take their husband's surname upon marriage for business and/ or personal things.

Please don't start trying to 'dig' for extra things to make yourself feel better. It just comes across as petty.

adsy · 04/02/2015 17:10

Why on earth would it be mandatory for her to change her name? I didn't.

1stBabyQuestions · 04/02/2015 17:19

I'm a CM and when incidents like this occurs it does frustrate me to read the we hate all childcarers brigade coming out with their (possibly false) annecdotes.

Very simply you should call Ofsted and inform them of the facts. From your original post I would suggest that your little one is naughty around the roads and has got upset because he scared himself by running off. From the sound of it the CM did what she could to protect the other children in her care by going back to the school.

That being said if your child is known to run off he should either be using reins or put in buggy. We all know that children aren't necessarily going to hold hands the whole way home- your son may have been asked to hold someone's hand but ignored it.

I wouldn't continue to dig for stuff- it doesn't look good on you and let's face it, Ofsted will do that if they need too.

It could be that she is a terrible CM or it could be that this was a terrible mistake that could happen to any parent or carer. Just because it's our job doesn't make us super human, I'm sure she is as distressed as you are that it happened.

You have left, you don't have to pay her. Report her to ofsted and leave it at that. They will possibly investigate further and may or may not take further action depending on what she says.

Original poster
Loukev08 · 04/02/2015 17:20

Your right everyone I shall lay it to rest now and just let Ofsted do their thing thanks all for your opinions and advice..

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2015 17:25

on the fence here - yes very scary to think your child was missing for 30mins, but seems the cm did what she could, she took other children back to school, and did search party

at 4yrs old must be almost 4.5now if at school ie way birthdays go would have been 4 in august or before, but i expect a child that age to know not to run off and stay with adult

maybe she has spoken to ofsted/her insurance and they have advised her not to speak to you about the incident

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2015 17:27

ps not surprised cm shouted at him, as a nanny if i lost a child and then found, i would have probably done the same, as im sure any adult whether parents cm or nanny would have done the same - its a mixture of shock and relief

notonyourninny · 04/02/2015 17:34

I don't blame her for ignoring you. She doesn't need to provide and policies, you have taken your son out of her care.

4 coming on 5 is not a baby. I really think you need to teach your son road safety. At dds schools, they take reception dcs out for walks in a big snake of 30 dcs! Imagine if he decides to bolt.

LuxuryTrifle · 04/02/2015 17:36

OP I agree with the other posters who feel it's appropriate to leave her - I would be appalled if a CM lost my child for thirty minutes - and if it's chaotic at pick up then I agree strategies like hi viz jackets, reins, buggy or other things could help navigate the pickup frenzy - I agree CMS aren't superhuman, but for that reason the CMs I know do take precautions like that where children tend to trail off at pickup.

But - that being said, I really can't agree that there is something weird about her not changing her name with ofsted just because she married. Strikes me as a rather antiquated assumption that that is a problem! I know hordes of women who didn't change their name at all on marriage, or who kept maiden name for their professional life. I am one of them. I don't think that is sinister.

JassyRadlett · 04/02/2015 18:34

The trouble with 'the four year old should know not to run off' is that the CM herself has undermined that by allowing older children in her care to do so.

imgoodatpointless · 04/02/2015 19:06

You are also assuming that the bus shelter was empty and therefore she could see.

Its quite possible that at school home time.... that completely transparent bus stop.... wasn't

LittleBairn · 04/02/2015 19:19

No it would have been unprofessional of her to have met you in the playground she did right there refusing.
The not accepting your call, Why should she? She no longer cares for your son and you are refusing to pay her what she is owed.
3 childminders in 4 years is a lot, have they all ended badly?

glenthebattleostrich · 04/02/2015 19:37

I'm a childminder and I let children run about lots after school but -

  1. My school children have been in my care since they were babies and I have their siblings too.
  1. All my children wear bright high VI's when we leave the house.
  1. I've assessed the area and know it to be safe for the children to do so.

I've not lost a child, even for a couple of minutes, in 4 years and we get all over the place. Agree that the police should have been informed.

OP, I'd write her a letter of complaint then escalate it to Ofsted. She has to keep a complaints log and will be asked for it at inspection.

glenthebattleostrich · 04/02/2015 19:38

Littlebairn, I'd have arranged to meet the op to discuss. Bwhen you are a minder reputation is everything.

SoonToBeSix · 04/02/2015 19:41

Your ds was naughty though, unless he has an he should no better than to run off and hide. What happened could have happened whoever was looking after him.

JassyRadlett · 04/02/2015 20:10

Well. Less likely to happen if she wasn't sending mixed signals about whether it's ok.

OP hasn't indicated this is regular behaviour with her son with anyone else.

Kids absorb what they observe. CM has set up a situation where such behaviour is ok for some kids. Unsurprising others tried it, with potentially awful consequences.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2015 20:13

I was going to say 3 cm in 4yrs seems a lot - but sometimes it skew happen that for whatever reason childcare doesn't work out

RabbitSaysWoof · 04/02/2015 20:39

I dont understand why you would mention she has no pushchair either, as others have said 4 is not a baby and if most of the other dc are older then why would she?

Tapestry12 · 04/02/2015 21:05

I am glad that you son is safe and well.

If it is a PACEY contract, the CM will have PACEY legal team advising and if necessary acting for her. Be aware you might hear from them acting on her behalf.

crymeariverwoo · 04/02/2015 21:31

rabbit I totally agree with that! A 4 year old in a buggy?! really? ! maybe on the very odd occasion on holiday or something? but even then I think they are a bit old. and reins?! they are for toddlers who aren't yet old enough to understand road safety and running off. like a pp said... when in school they go on walks in groups of 30 odd. They are expected to know to stay in line.

hooker29 · 04/02/2015 21:32

Sunny what makes you think schools don't recommend CM's???? I actually look after DC's for 2 teachers at our local school,and the nursery teachers pass my number-and my CM friends number-on to parents who are looking for care.
I have actually been in a similar situation to the CM that OP is talking about.
It's the most terrifying situation,and it took me months to get over it.The parents didn't blame me in any way but I felt guilty for months.The mindee I had was a runner-he used to be a nightmare for his mum,so when I started to look after him I watched him like a hawk. He was 4.Personally, I think 4 is too old to have reins on, but I always made him hold the pushchair.Outside our school is a zebra crossing.Just by the gates was a parent-who we knew-with a new dog.The mindee commented on the dog,I said how lovely it was etc etc.As with most schools, there was a surge of people on the way out of the gates.The mindee was holding the pushchair as we crossed the road-and when we got to the other side, he had gone. After a quick scan of the pavement, i knew he wasn't on our side of the road,so i crossed back over the road-and found him back at the gate,fussing the bloody dog!.He'd let go of the pushchair,and turned back on the crossing.They move so quickly-and I didn't notice he'd gone.Maybe i was talking to another child on my other side.......maybe I was saying hello to someone......but I didn't see him go.I did tell him off-he needed to know he couldn't do it-and he held the pushchair all the way home.I told his mum what had happened,wrote an incident report and she signed it.She was fine about it-she knew what he was like (as she said) and she gave him a telling off too!
Can I just say though OP....please don't badmouth her to other people at the school.After my incident,I discovered that a friend of the mindees mum had told her that the mindee was actually running around the school in floods of tears,screaming my name and telling everyone that he was lost (which was impossible as there wasn't enough time for him to do that), and another friend told her that I was actually halfway home before I missed him.Chinese whispers are a horrible thing. Don't arrange to meet her at school to discuss it either-it's far too public and should be talked about in private.